People Explain The Psychological 'Cheat Codes' For Social Situations That Rarely Fail

Borrowing terminology from gaming culture, "psychological cheat codes" are simple techniques that can provide an advantage to the user in personal, social, or professional situations by influencing the thoughts and behaviors of others.

Often counterintuitive, they're shortcuts that bypass traditional methods to achieve the user's desired outcome, like a cheat code in a video game.

Reddit user Prestigious-Use6804 asked:

"What's an actual psychological 'cheat code' you use in social situations that works almost every time?"

Silence Is Golden

"Being comfortable in silence is power. Especially in any sort of negotiation, complaint, somebody asking for something, or vice versa.

"For some reason when you stay quiet people break."

~ Larson37

"Autism powers, activate!"

"People in my office praised me for my shrewd negotiation skills and ability to listen."

"I just don't like talking to other humans, which worked to my advantage."

~ MohawMais

Highly Favored

"Benjamin Franklin had a method. He asked his enemies to do him a small, simple favor. Borrow a book, for example, ask for advice. Something very small, very basic, non-monetary."

"He found that when someone did him a favor, no matter how small, it made them feel as though they were friends, as that is what friends do."

~ Orzhov_Syndicalist

Credit Where It’s Due

"My hack has turned into a hobby. I look for people doing a good job. When I find someone who is pretty good at what they are doing, I make sure to compliment them, tell their boss the good news, and, if applicable, I tell corporate."

"It's surprising how much that helps the person, how much it confuses their boss since it's not a complaint, and how long it's remembered. Later on, if I return to the same place, I get better treatment, and that can lead others you are with to think better of me."

"Inversely, when I see others treating people badly, particularly those in a service position, my opinion of them goes sharply down. I am far from the only one like this."

~ Badcapsuleer

"I still remember from my first retail job. I was 15, the only person running checkout, the line was growing, I'm frantically trying to get people out the door and also handle the phone that for some reason won't stop ringing, and some nice lady just said, 'You're doing a good job.' It's 25 years later and I still haven't forgotten that."

~ NuclearHoagie

Meditation

"It’s a meditation exercise. Before I go to an event, I imagine the room, the people in it, and the way I want to feel while I’m in the room."

"Sometimes I imagine a light sweeping over everyone like it’s sprinkling good vibes. I’ve noticed that it makes me feel more confident and easy going when I have some anxiety about going somewhere."

~ cambiokeys

Take The Compliment

"A lovely lady from my kid's school complimented me. True to my nature, I immediately tried to brush it off and downplay the compliment.

"She looked me dead in the eye and said something along the lines of 'don't put yourself down, it's OK, take the compliment. You deserve it'."

"It was like a switch flipped for me. I hadn't realised that self-deprecation had become second nature to me. It's not good for my mental health and I didn't want that for my kids either."

"That was a couple of years ago, and now I'm able to say a genuine 'thank you, I appreciate the compliment' now without a second thought."

~ silverbirch44

Importance

"Remember, everyone has an invisible tag around their neck saying 'Make me feel important'."

~ Piece_de_resistance

"It's very true. One thing that I'll do when someone is irritating or boring me is to imagine (to myself! silently!) that they will actually die in the next 24 hours, painlessly. My job, then, is to help them have a good final 24 hours."

"It sounds morbid, but it's not. There's meaning and joy that can be pulled out of many moments, even dull and irritating ones. Again, obviously it would be insane to mention this internal thought to anyone at the time or afterwards."

"This is a very simple variation on Buddhist Maranasati meditation or Stoic thinking around death, which is tons more elaborate."

"I've done it often, and it always bucks up my own mood and gets me back into a real conversation."

~ warm_kitchenette

Loving It

"I pretend everyone I meet is in love with me. I mean, not literally. I'm not a complete narcissist. But I'll start conversations with strangers who give me a smile or a knowing look."

"Assuming they like me makes me feel more likable. I've made friends more easily in my 30s than I did at any other time in my life."

"Romanticizing my life is fun, and gets me to act more vivacious and charismatic. It's also just good practice for higher-stakes social interactions where I might lack confidence."

~ slytherins

How Do?

"If someone comes up to you and says hi, and you can't remember how you know that person, then say 'how have you been' instead of 'how are you'."

"99% of the time they'll start telling you about something that was going on the last time they saw you, and that will jog your memory about where you know them from."

~ Spicy_German_Mustard

Switches

"When someone is angry—like irrationally, psychotically angry—get them to say 'yes' to anything. (E.g. Are you mad? Do you want help? Do you want me to give you space?)."

"It engages a different part of the brain, and after that's engaged, you can help them with problem solving."

~ bp_516

"Used this a ton in retail, works wonders. Preps them because most of the time I had to tell them no or we can't do something."

"And if I could help them, suddenly you're a savior versus a button pusher."

~ Monteze

Repeat Performance

"It's a small one, but it comes up often enough that it's been useful. People often repeat themselves, and a knee-jerk response to someone bringing up something you'd already heard about is 'You've told me this already', which incidentally has a somewhat negative connotation to it."

"Instead of saying that, say 'I remember you told me about this.' It's more kindly affirming to the other person that you've listened when they told you the details/story in the past, while also serving as a gentle reminder that they've already shared it."

"One response makes the person feel shut down, whereas the other leaves them feeling heard. It's a small change, but it's come up a helluva lot and I like using it."

~ VashtaNeradaMatata

BFFs

"I pretend everyone I meet is going to be my new best friend, but only I know it. So the vibe is more 'oh good, you're here finally!' instead of 'who are you?'."

~ feast_of_thousands

"I've an old friend who has consistently amazed me with his ability to make friends anywhere and in any circumstances -- not just in a pleasant 'howdy, stranger' way, either; this dude has years-long good buddies that he literally met because he once sat next to them on an airplane."

"Then I remember how we became friends, which was basically a two-step process of: 1) we met and said hi; and 2) oop, too late! now we're buddies! That was ~30 years ago. Bastard has been pulling this sh*t his whole life."

~ hey_free_rats

Love Thy Enemy

"Someone doesn't like you? Give them a genuine compliment. Keyword: genuine."

"I worked with this girl, and we disliked each other. One day I just looked at her, she'd gotten her hair done, and I said 'That looks really good on you!' and her usual stankface went to confused so fast."

"But you have to mean it. I did mean it; it suited her. But your enemy will leave you alone for a while as they go ponder what chess game you're playing."

~ hereticallyeverafter

Remember

"Remember what they said to you the last time you saw them. If you last saw them a month ago, if you remember they were doing a thing, remember that thing and mention it."

~ stefancooper

"I onboarded with a guy my age at a job one time, and we were both very young, and he took it REALLY seriously. Like suit and tie, and constant smiling, and had perfect posture for the entire 8-hour days. Reallllly a try-hard."

"I kinda got sick of it, but then as we spent more time together, he caught me so off-guard by remembering every little detail of everything I told him. We’d split on Friday at the end of the work week, and he’d ask me my plans for the weekend, and when we got back on Monday, he would go plan for plan and ask me how they went."

"I had forgotten things I had done those weekends, and I WAS THE ONE WHO DID THEM! I stopped being so cynical towards his over-effort and ended up liking him a lot."

~ DoggedDoggystyle

Volume Control

"Speaking at a lower volume if someone is being unnecessarily loud."

"One of my best friends has a LOUD voice she is completely unaware of, which can be incredibly annoying when we’re in public, so I will lower my speaking volume, and she will subconsciously lower hers to match my volume."

~ inkyblackops

Positive Vibes

"Build up people who are part of the same social circle but aren't currently present. For example, if you're out at dinner with your normal circle of friends and one of them isn't there, talk them up and share something positive about them to the rest of the group."

"Without consciously thinking about it, we start to become aware of the kind of things people in our social circles say about us when we're not present. Sort of like the 'if he cheats on his girlfriend to be with you, he's going to cheat on you at some point too.'

"There's a real character-revealing element when someone is bad-mouthing someone who isn't there, where we recognize that we might be spoken negatively about by the same friend when we're not there."

"If you tell your group, 'man, I can't believe how good John is getting at guitar' when John isn't there, you're planting seeds of trust in the others in your circle that if they're ever the ones that are missing from the social situation, you're more likely to be building them up than tearing them down."

"If you tell them, 'I can't believe John still has that stupid mustache' and try to get a laugh out of them (assuming you wouldn't say that to John if he were there), you might get some laughs, but you'll also be planting seeds of distrust instead."

"More broadly, apply the same technique even if the person is present. If you're hanging out with two people you know who don't know each other well and the subject is about desserts, tell Jenny, 'Sarah here is an incredible baker. She made the best chocolate chip cookies for our Christmas party'."

"None of this has to be obvious or overt. Don't force these sorts of things."

"But if you can associate in people's heads a sense of 'this person builds people up' instead of 'this person tears people down'—especially (but not exclusively) when the person they're building/tearing isn't there—you're going to build a sense of trust in others."

~ film_composer

What cheat codes do you use for personal or professional interactions?