The trajectory of a dwindling friendship can take a couple different forms.
There is the gradual death approach, when years of mutual distance simply allows the once close bond to peter out. In this variety, there are often no hard feelings, just some nostalgia and the somber recognition that people grow and change.
But there is another way that friendships end: problematic behavior from one side crescendos until a breaking point is reached. Then, suddenly, the bond is snapped in a single instant.
It was this second kind of end that a recent Reddit thread was concerned with. Internet strangers of all ages and temperaments contributed their experience of a time when they just couldn't take it anymore and called it quits with someone they used to feel so close to.
Aidennn92 asked, "What was your 'I'm done with this friendship' moment?"
A Profound Lack of Empathy
"When my son died, who was an identical triplet, one of my friends told me that grieving would be easy as I have two other sons who look just like him." -- lucina20
"I would'a smacked him three times. 'This last slap should be easy, as you had two already.'" -- Stargazer7t
One Can Only Do So Much
"I output a lot of effort to help her try and get out of a debt caused by shopping sprees (no car, no school, racked up 25k just to buy stuff) she admitted to spending like $1000 a month on doordash so we focused on getting her out of that."
"I work in a place where I get a lot of excess food for free (meal kits so I have an excess of meat and produce every week!) and I offered to help her out that way."
"I brought her a selection of foods and recipes and when I brought it to her she expected me to cook it for her, stating that she hated cooking and would not cook for herself ever."
"It was the nail in the coffin that suggested she wouldn't take care of herself and would find a way to get someone else to do it. At that moment I couldn't do it and bounced."
-- Pathojay
Not at all a Safe Space
"When I quit doing drugs and informed all my friends that I am going clean. I was still drinking though so one night I got really drunk and closed my eyes on the couch."
"Everything was spinning but I can hear my former friend trying to convince my gf to allow him to put drugs in my nose, That itll make me feel better."
"She yelled back at him and said that we quit and we are going clean. He kept trying to push it and after a little while, she helped me into the car and locked the doors. Sleeping there till we sobered up and drove home."
"That was 5 years ago and I've stayed clean. I haven't hung out with him since and from what I heard, he's moved onto meth and never got clean."
-- BlackStarDB
Unsustainable Dynamics
"We were maybe 12 years old, and every single day was nonstop drama and a self-pity party with her. Every time her custom text tone rang from my phone, my heart jumped. That's how exhausting she was."
"One day she said 'you're not as fun as you used to be.' I was just furious and hurt by that comment after spending many nights trying to make her happy because she was always so sad."
"I basically said 'excuse me for acting like an adult.' She never answered back and we didn't talk at all after that."
"Until I was 19. I reached out to her for nostalgia's sake, and she was a lot more mature. She actually apologized to me for acting like an immature emo kid all the time. We chatted for a little bit and it was nice."
"We still don't talk, but it was nice to catch up and be on good terms with each other."
Didn't Realize What They Didn't Have
"I deleted my entire friend group who I was friends with throughout high school from my life entirely after I went to uni."
"My uni friend group were all very caring for each other and so supportive, and celebrated each others successes. My friend group from my home town were quite the opposite, always in competition with each other and full of macho egos."
"It wasnt until I'd experienced what being involved with a genuinely good group of people was like, that I realised that wasnt what I had with these people at all. After that realization I didnt want anything else to do with them and their toxicity."
-- Khal_Andy90
Taking the Wrong Side
"Disinvited me from a board game night because he'd turned it into a birthday party for a guy that assaulted me at the last minute (like, I was literally almost on my way out the door). And yes, he'd known what had happened, and had promised to never let that person set foot in his house again."
"Then, when I got upset and called him out on it, he told me he thought I'd made the whole thing up, that I was overreacting, and not to talk to him until I 'calmed down and got over it' (IIRC, he told me that I needed to 'be rational' as well)."
"That was 7 years ago. I'm still f***ing furious."
-- LemonSkye
Getting Used
"When they would only be 'friends' with me when they needed help with their homework, and then afterwards would proceed to make fun of me for being a nerd" -- PhysicsQueen
"I know that feel. I even did their homework, thinking the teasing would stop." -- Agitated_Signature_
The Cut Off
"Texted him to have coffee three times, he cancelled twice and ghosted the third time. We had been friends for 7 years. To this day (5 years later) I still have no idea what I did to piss him off."
"(Edit: we are both 50+ year old men. I know, right?)"
Enough Was Enough
"Friend wanted me to get involved with the church, I did. We read the entire Bible. But eventually he kept insinuating I'm going to hell no matter what and that I need to keep listening to him."
"After a year I'm just like, 'Go f*** yourself.' "
-- BigMilk0
Not a Good Look
"I asked him how it was going in his city during the protests, and he said, if he was a truck driver, he would have plowed full-speed right through the protestors for getting in his way."
"Done. F***in' done. Not giving someone like that the benefit of my friendship."
A Follower is Not a Friend
"She was in my wedding and came to the hospital to meet my son the day after he was born."
"She moved to a different state, got married & pregnant all without telling me. Apologized then asked me to come to her baby shower, where I very briefly met her husband."
"She has since returned to the state I live in about 5 times and each time she has done so without telling me...I find out through social media, the same way I learned all the other details."
"Friendship is a two-way street, and I'm tired of driving it alone."
Open and Shut Case
"The second his gf told me he sexual abused her. Literally it hit me that I had years of evidence of his predatory nature but I hadn't put it together. A decade of friendship burned down in less than a day, easy peasy."
"When we intervened/confronted him he didn't deny a thing. I have no regrets."
-- ladyalot
Witnessing True Colors
"We were friends and part of a nonprofit organization. This friend straight up told me she would do whatever it took to get another friend (who's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and supposedly one of her best friends) asked to step down from a management position because she wanted it."
"I didn't warn the friend because I didn't think she was serious."
"The f***ing sociopath did whatever it took to achieve her dream and lied her ass off. Things imploded, he was made to step down, she got her f***ing way."
"Joke was on her though because I helped get her yanked out of there. Only difference is, I did it with TRUTH, because that's how I roll."
Stepping Away When it Counts
"They dismissed our other friend's claims that 2 members of our group (who were known for having horrible attitudes towards women and sex) had taken advantage of her sexually when she was drunk and/or vulnerable."
"They also tried to play it all off as her being "a crazy bi***" and her being "unstable". She was neither of those things."
"I realised if I wanted to live up to my principles of listening to survivors and believing women, then I had to make the right choice. So, I ditched that group of 5 shitty men and their gross misogynistic attitudes and I'm glad I did."
-- SpeedoKill
Unsustainable
"I was out to dinner meeting my best friend's new boyfriend. We were all having a good time. Then she asked him if he thought I was pretty. He handles it perfectly and told her that he only had eyes for her. But she would not let it up."
"Finally she told me to keep my hands to myself. We were best friends! I never once even looked at a guy she was remotely interested in! And I was engaged at the time! So I finished the meal, told him it was great to meet him, went home, and never called or texted her again."
A Very Bizarre Way to Go About That
"Best friends as kids. Still really good friends in highschool. Left highschool. Went over to see him after he came home for Christmas from university. We hadn't spoken in 4 months and I was really looking forward to catching up."
"I went to his parents house and they invited me in. He sat opposite and proceeded to stonewall all attempts at conversation with single word answers and no return questions."
"I got the hint he wasn't in the mood and told him to contact me in a few days if he wanted to get a drink and catch up properly. No call ever came. That was 8 years ago."
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