There is a time honred traditon of guys asking the parents of the woman they love for her hand in marriage.
The tradition has dissipated over generations.
Now, a lot of women see that as them being called property.
But a lot of parents still appreciate or require it.
However, the outcome isn't always a happy one.
And then so... the drama begins.
Redditor Fearless_Degree7511 wanted to hear from the guys who couldn't impress their women's parents, so they asked:
"Men whose girlfriend’s dad said no when you asked him for permission to marry his daughter, what did you do?"
They Didn't Last
"My mom said no to my sister's BF. (No Dad) They just moved in together when he asked. She said if they could live together for a year, then she would be OK with it. They didn't last."
"I personally didn't ask my wife's Dad."
- No-Exchange8035
The Office No GIF Giphy
Emails
"I emailed her dad, asking when would be a good time for me to come over to talk with them."
"He sent me a bunch of Bible quotes."
"I told him I'd like to have a conversation with him and her mother."
"He sent me an email lecture about sex outside of marriage."
"Ok, maybe I need to be more explicit. Next email..."
"Subject: I want to marry your daughter."
"His Reply: We can't bless that union."
"He thought I was asking permission. I was offering them to get to know me and have an opinion. I proposed, and she said yes. She called them to tell them and sent pictures of the ring. We started planning the wedding. She sewed her own dress, and I made the cake. She called them to tell them we'd found a reasonably priced place with easy walking from the parking lot for the grandfolks. Her mom said that if we wanted any financial help from them, she wanted complete control of the wedding."
"We eloped."
- Rob_LeMatic
One of the Good Ones
"I just married her anyway. Her dad and I didn't talk for about two years, but we eventually made up after our first kid was born. It was awkward at first, but you can't let someone else decide your life."
- Voiturunce
"When kids start being born, and they start to realize they'll be cut off as grandparents, is usually when those issues magically clear up. My grandparents didn't like my sister marrying a black guy. As soon as they had kids, they completely changed their attitudes and welcomed him into their home and treated him like... well... like they'd say, 'One of the good ones.' Can't win them all, I guess."
- eeyore134
Thanks, Fritz
"I married her anyway... at least that is how the song goes, right?"
"I met my FIL at my rehearsal dinner. Never had a chance to meet him before hand. He wasn't an important figure in my future wife's life. She didn't care if I asked her father anything."
"She is very close to an aunt and uncle. Spent summers at their house growing up. I did talk to them beforehand. Her uncle sat me down. Said to me, she's a very special woman. You treat her right. If you have any questions about marriage, or if you have any problems you need help with, you can call me. I'm available to you anytime. That is when I felt part of her family. Thanks, Fritz."
- totally-jag
Girl Talk
"My mom never approved of my wife. They worked for the same company, extremely different departments, and didn’t know of each other prior."
"Through office gossip, she had found out I was seeing my girlfriend. I hadn’t introduced them yet; it was early."
"She set up an outreach event and had my gf assigned to assist her. And began 'girl talk' with my GF. Asking leading questions, like how you’d handle your man. What if he’s flirty? Etc."
"GF… having no idea this is my mom, is answering super catty. Having fun with what she thinks is a random stranger. And my mom is encouraging it. Just silly, unserious answers like, if he’s flirty, I’ll get me another man."
"To this day, my mom is convinced our relationship dynamic is I’m like a meek or something. And I never understood why. Wife is very caring and spoils me."
"My wife told me about this interaction when I pointed out how weird my mom has always been about our relationship."
"Happily married for 10 years. Haven’t talked to my mom in years. Games like that were her norm, and I hated how much it influenced what I viewed as a normal dynamic with my friends. My mom is single and miserable, last I heard. But still thinks I should listen to her relationship advice."
- LazerChicken420
I Miss Him
"My father-in-law once told me, years after my wife and I married, that if I asked him, he would have said no, because anyone who asked him and not her wasn't worthy of his daughter."
"I miss him."
- Ok_Comparison6055
Excited Well Done GIF Giphy
Gramps
"Not mine, my dad’s. Asked to marry my mom out of courtesy, he’s not personally old-fashioned like that, but my grandfather was. He said he would agree on the condition that my folks, both lapsed Catholics, started going to church again. They said no, as they had both left the church because they had seen the catholic schools they attended cover for child predators. "
"This was before all the documentaries, when the church covering all that up was a whisper rather than an open secret. They decided to keep living in sin until my mom got pregnant despite being on the pill."
"My grandma was pissed, but my grandpa said he would condone the marriage given the circumstances, and lent them 50k for the down payment on the house. I think he secretly respected the decision; my grandma was the real hardcore catholic, and was delighted to have a reason to 'begrudgingly' agree to it. "
"Things were always rocky with that side of the family, but I always thought my grandpa secretly liked my dad and our family. He would be gruff publicly, but always bought me pop science and history books, and asked me to be a pallbearer at his funeral, despite my being a heathen. Miss ya, gramps, sorry your wife sucked."
- VigorousRapscallion
18 Years Now
"Asked my wife's 6'8" tall father a few days after I proposed."
"We were young, and it was unplanned while on an international vacation. To say I wasn't intimidated by this man would be a massive lie."
"We were 19 and 18 when I popped the question. He agreed we could marry, but asked that we wait til her 21st birthday. We got married 3 days after her 21st."
"Married 18 years now."
- Botboy141
1989
"I was an atheist, he was a Southern Baptist Deacon. We did NOT see eye to eye on anything. I asked to marry his daughter and was promptly laughed out of his house. So, his daughter and I worked on getting her pregnant. Three months later took the positive pregnancy test to show his future mother-in-law. He said we didn't understand and that now we had to get married. February will make 36 years since we've been married. She's still the amazing woman I completely fell for in 1989."
- willmel
Oops, Haha...
"My dad told me that if my now-husband had asked him for permission to marry me, he'd say 'no' because he knew that not happening was something I felt strongly about. (And I bet he would have reeeeeally loved to be asked! Just not as much as he loved me.) My husband avoided this fate by listening to me and not asking in the first place."
"He did inform my family in advance that he was going to propose a specific weekend at the family cabin so that everyone would be up there as well to celebrate. My brother-in-law bought champagne in advance, lol. Made me feel kinda bad bc I was also planning to propose that weekend, and I didn't tell my family at all. I just told my best friend... Oops, haha."
- meguin
Ruined
"He didn't say no because he knew she'd hate him and still marry me, but he said he was going to ruin the surprise by spoiling it."
"Killed my engagement plans by telling everyone he knew within an hour of finding out."
- TheDadThatGrills
RIP
"This was my fiancée right after college. He said no because he thought we were too young, and he was right. But at the time, we were in love. I decided to respect his wishes and to keep dating until he came around. Luckily, his wife talked to him and explained more about the situation with his daughter, and then agreed. But, she was a cheating bi*ch, and her dad was right. Through that engagement me and I became close, and he's the only thing I miss about that relationship. RIP, almost father-in-law."
- AuthorChristianP
Dad was Right
"Not me, but my sister. Dad said no to her boyfriend because no one liked him, and we knew he was using her for money. They got married anyway. 5 years later, she found out that he was cheating on her throughout their entire relationship with hundreds of women, and she left him. In this case, she should have listened to us."
- Fun_Importance_4250
Russian Roulette
"Me and her old man and I played Russian roulette to see if I was worthy."
"Been married 14 years next month."
"I had his skull patched up, taxidermied, and placed on the shelf of honor high aloft the mantle. Intermittently, we will turn the skull towards the TV so he can watch 1970s British comedy shows with the kids."
"It's what he would have wanted."
- Past0r_Of_Mupp3ts
Whoops...
"I didn't ask my wife's dad for permission. Instead, I just informed her parents that I was going to ask her, and if they had opinions on ring choices. And then I got something completely different... Lol."
- surfnvb7
I'm glad most of these stories went well.
Asking for permission to marry the person you love is a bit outdated these days.
It's still a lovely gesture.
And there are Father-in-Laws "to be" who would be very happy with this scenario.
But parents don't get to dictate who their grown children marry.
Sorry, Dad... this one isn't your call.
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