You know what they say: if a person has to point out how nice they are, they probably aren't really all that nice.
Actions tend to speak louder than words, with an affinity for niceness and kindness being among the best examples. When a person is truly nice and kind, it will come through in their daily attitude and actions without them having to say anything at all.
But it's becoming increasingly common for men who have been rejected after a few dates to feel the need to point out how nice they are and what a catch they are, while, of course, throwing some sexist and misogynistic vitriol at the other person.
On the "Nice Guys" subReddit, Redditor Same-Definition7464 said that a recent date did a "Nice Guy Virtue Claim" (NGVC) by telling her:
"Nothing comes to unappreciative b*tches like you."
The Original Poster (OP) went on one date with a guy she matched with on an unnamed dating app, and while she had a good time and liked the idea of seeing more of the guy as a friend, there was no romantic spark.
Not yet knowing this, the guy reached out, asking for a second date, texting:
"Hey, I had a lot of fun last weekend [and] was wondering if you were up for something tomorrow?"
"I really enjoyed talking to you, and you're also really gorgeous for someone like you."
"I never expected for us to mesh so nicely."
Wanting to continue their friendship, the OP tried to let him down as nicely as possible.
"Hi! I had a great time, too."
"You were really good company, but I don't feel anything romantic towards you."
"I wouldn't mind going out again if you were willing to be only friends?"
The guy was immediately put off by the OP's reply.
"Wtf do you mean by that?"
u/Same-Definition7464/Reddit
The guy accused the OP of not appreciating his chivalrous acts throughout their date and fumbling "one of the greatest guys" she'd ever meet, writing:
"All I did was stand by you the whole night, open doors, and take care of the bill."
"You're telling me you don't want to continue this after getting the most expensive Chardonnay off the f**king menu?"
"You're missing out on one of the greatest guys you'll ever meet, and I hope you feel it."
"I don't go for a b*tch like you for no reason. I tried to step out of my comfort zone and give someone some time, but my effort was thrown around like nothing."
"I just don't get why I even try."
"You'll get yourself with the next man who walks across the street. Will he treat you right? Probably not."
"But it's not like you care, clearly, because the only thing you care about are our wallets."
u/Same-Definition7464/Reddit
The OP pointed out that it wasn't fair to accuse her of being a gold digger, since he selected the wine and rejected her offer to split the bill.
"Hey, I don't think it's fair for you to try to play me as a gold digger."
"You chose the wine, and I offered to pay half, to which you told me that my company was enough."
"I don't see anything more in this conversation or future relationship after the way you have spoken to me just because I'm not interested."
"Have a great rest of your life."
u/Same-Definition7464/Reddit
The guy had to get the last word in, stating that the OP was the one who needed the luck.
"Huh, so you listen to me when it's fancy restaurants and nice drinks, but you couldn't give two sh*ts about my feelings."
"I just don't get girls like you."
"What do you think is out there, because let me tell you, there are no nice, kind, or respectful dudes out there."
"The moment you wear your heart on your chest, they don't f**king care."
"You can say 'have a nice life,' because I will have a nice life, and I'll meet a grateful girl who will love, appreciate, and care about me."
"You? Nothing comes to unappreciative b*tches like you."
"So you know what? You have a good life. I don't need your luck. Save it for yourself, b*tch."
u/Same-Definition7464/Reddit
Fellow Redditors criticized the guy for making himself out to be such a "nice" person.
"So much about this is disturbing and disrespectful!!"
"Why are the 'nice' guys always the worst?!"
"It's like an act they are putting on for a certain view or response. I have even found that with genuinely nice men. I hate that mindset. I do understand, it’s not easy to be kind in all situations. But you can’t fake it!! Be yourself." - FirstClassBaddie
"'What do you think is out here, because let me tell you, there are no nice, kind, or respectful dudes out there.'"
"Gee, and you really think you’re one yourself? A pattern I’ve seen about these nice guys is that they always love hyping themselves up like they’re the good guys 100% of the time. Peak delusional at its finest." - WinnerSilent9264
"Men sure do loooooooove to talk about how sh*t other men are, LOL." - PanickedAntics
"Is there a word for this Jeckyll-and-Hyde scenario? Because man, I've been self-documenting this since I was a young teenager, guys who would try to date me, and when I refused, they'd suddenly say I was a fat, ugly hoe. Total 180." - Other_Dimension_89
"You'll find pathetic men think they are owed something when they do even the SMALLEST gesture. Even if this guy somehow stayed in the picture as a 'friend,' I guarantee he would have been one of those 'friends' who insists on taking turns paying the bill when you go out for friend lunches, and then painstakingly pointing out when he paid more last time." - Cultural-Ear-2069
"You rejected him so nicely, and THAT is how he is going to reply?!"
"How are some people like this?"
"Also, 'unappreciative b*tches like you,' like you didn't just tell him he was good company and had a nice time. God forbid you be honest with him and not string him along and reject him romantically; after all, he paid the entire billlllll!"
"Why am I crashing out over this?!" - throwaway76804320
"And men wonder why women choose the bear. The bear remains undefeated." - ButcbMasculinity
Some Redditors pointed out other aspects of the guy's texts that they found particularly disturbing.
"Holy sh*t, bro's tone pivoted like LeBron f**king James." - CauliflowerOk8006
"'For someone like you'? A**hat." - somewhatsoluable
"'The moment you wear your heart out on your chest, they don't f**king care.' Holy f**king projection, Batman." - Mental_Victory946
"Really gorgeous 'for someone like you'?"
"If you don't like a race, don't date it. If you don't like a height, personality, or body type, don't date it."
"You chose to go out with her, dude. If you expected her to be awful, then that was your mistake. And if it turns out she was cool, then that's your loss."
"I didn't bother to read beyond that. Full offense." - 5FeetOfMadness
"They really think we are like gumball machines… Put money in, and you get us, romantically, sexually, the whole deal."
"It’s insane to me how much they truly think we are just objects and not whole as humans."
"The funny thing is, women would absolutely want to f**k and date and have a good time a LOT more if they were just treated like people! I’ve wanted more sex, love, and dating in my life, but no thank you when this is the price tag." - HumanBeing798
"WAITWAITWAIT, so he chose the most expensive wine and then faulted you for it?"
"I have the weirdest feeling that he does this on purpose so he can use it as a weapon if they decline a second date." - SlightlyDarkerBlack2
"Oh god, I am now suffering from the most intense second-hand embarrassment I've ever felt. What the f**k is he even talking about, finding a girl to pat him on the head and say, 'Good job, baby,' when he does the simplest task?"
"Here's an idea: go back to your breastfeeding session with your mum. That's really the only woman who's gonna enable your pathetic whiney bullsh*t, although she won't date you either, no matter how much you spend on dinner." - Infinite_Club27
One Redditor was sad for what the guy was missing out on in life.
"This really makes me think of my best friend. I had a huge crush on her in high school, and she kindly turned me down, as she just wasn’t interested in that way, and we remained friends."
"Through our 20s, she watched me go from one toxic/abusive relationship to another and was there to pick up the pieces and supported me through two bouts of suicidal ideation, including a stint in a psych ward due to the abuse suffered."
"It broke her heart. She always told me how dearly she hoped I would be able to find that one special someone she knew was out there for me."
"I’m now happily married to an amazing woman, and she’s just over the moon about it. She’s a dear friend and one of the best people I’ve ever met, and I’m grateful to have her (and my wife is very fond of her, too)."
"Imagine if I had given all of that up for an over-inflated ego. What a terrible, tragic loss she would have been." - BrDaSm665
It would be understandable for a person to feel disappointed when a date they thought went well didn't lead to a romantic future. It's totally human to not enjoy rejection and to have hurt feelings.
But intentionally trying to hurt the other person to try to come out on top is anything but "nice."
@JennJVN/X
@HunterBiden/X
@HunterBiden/X
