Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Employees Describe Their Perfectly Legal Jobs So They Sound Totally Illegal, And We're Shook

Linguistics is a fascinating thing. Something can be denotatively the same but connotatively different, ie. the difference between a butt dial and a booty call. So when you change a few words about your job, it sounds so sketchy that you can't help but shudder.


u/weird_sex_stuff asked:

How can you describe your legal, legitimate job so it sounds illegal or sketchy?

See if you can guess what these jobs are.

A Truck In The Night

Giphy

I usually park my truck in alleyways in the middle of the night and deliver my product to my customers. No one there but me. Have keys to the buildings. Once im done, I lock it up and leave. No one sees me come or go. Easy transactions. Except when the cops show up.

boulderbrimstone

A Job We Might Not Need

I make it easier for people to make nuclear heads and rockets.

OmarAdelX

A Needed Service

Giphy

I teach people (some as young as 18) how to lie a person on a table and touch their naked body in all the right ways, then collect money for it.

protegomyeggo

The Enemy

You throw us some money every year & we promise to protect you. That is, if you read carefully...

W0mbatJuice

In These Skies

People pay me through an intermediary to make quick getaways. And I mean super quick. I break boundaries that governed man for millennia, that's how quick I go.

I don't ask any questions, hell most of the time I never even see them.

ChugLaguna

Up In Flames

Giphy

My coworkers and I break into people's homes any time, day or night, and try to find where they and their kids might be hiding. When we find them, we forcefully drag then out of their home. And they usually thank us for it after.

mtd074

La Vie En Rose

People pay me to tactically burn animals. I do it fast, I do it well, and I yell as loud as possible to let you know when your flesh is done burning. Sometimes I give them raw flesh with a raw egg on top. Sometimes I make people eat snails, and live octopus. They pay me to do this. I'm really good at cutting apart whole animals with a series of knives I carry at all times, as well. You got a dead animal? I'll cut that it up, grind it, and stuff it back inside its own innards, then let it sit room temperature for f---ing weeks until it grows mold. You people love it, and you pay me a premium.

French food is terrifying when broken down like this.

demonchefofportland

Not The Government

I watch middle schoolers all day. And I spy on their internet activity.

Marawal

Soldering Is Close

Giphy

I shove my rod into tight gaps all day. I end up going home hot and sticky.

StumpyTheGreat

Medics

I hand out drugs and sometimes stab people.

AHelmine

More from Trending

Screenshots from Dove's ad featuring transgender women
Dove

'One Million Moms' Calls For Dove Boycott Over Hair Care Ad Featuring Trans Woman

The vehemently transphobic conservative group One Million Moms (OMM)—an arm of the Christian fundamentalist nonprofit American Family Association (AFA)—called for a boycott of Dove products after the company featured a transgender woman in an advertisement for their Damage Therapy Intensive Repair Conditioner.

The ad garnered attention after it was shared by the social media account Libs of TikTok—run by the anti-LGBTQ+ conservative Chaya Raichik—which described the ad as an example of "another woke company trying to erase women."

Keep ReadingShow less
Alyssa Milano; Julian McMahon
Michael Kovac/Elton John AIDS Foundation/Getty Images; Marcus Ingram/The Surfer/Getty Images

Alyssa Milano Shares Poignant Tribute To 'TV Husband' Julian McMahon After His Death At 56

Actor Julian McMahon lost his battle with cancer at the age of 56 earlier this week, and to say that the Charmed, Nip/Tuck, and Fantastic Four actor touched many lives would be an understatement.

When the news of McMahon's passing went public, his Charmed costar and "TV wife" Alyssa Milano came forward and expressed her sadness and condolences on Instagram. The pair were a favorite couple on Charmed, and it was clear from her post that their care for each other extended beyond the screen.

Keep ReadingShow less

People Who Slept With Their Best Friend Describe The Aftermath

When two people have a deep and meaningful friendship, the question might eventually come up of whether or not they could be more. Agreeing that their friendship might deserve more, they might try to date or at least explore physical intimacy.

But crossing that line carries with it consequences, and it's only once the pair crosses that line that they'll find out if crossing it was good or bad.

Keep ReadingShow less
child writing on chalkboard
Leonardo Toshiro Okubo on Unsplash

Bilingual People Explain Which Words They're Surprised Don't Exist In English

According to one report, approximately 3.3 billion people worldwide—43 % of the population—are multilingual, meaning they speak at least two languages. According to the last Census, 21.6% of people in the United States speak more than one language, while in the United Kingdom, the number is 36%.

More multilingual people speak English as a second language than English speakers who have learned another language besides English. Worldwide, people who learned English as a first language rate among the lowest in multilingual rates.

Keep ReadingShow less
Andrew Garfield at the 2025 Glastonbury Festival
Harry Durrant/Getty Images

Andrew Garfield meets fan with wild tweet!

American actor Andrew Garfield had a funny yet awkward reunion with a fan from a viral “Thirst Tweet” featured on Buzzfeed Celeb.

The Thirst Tweet compilation shows celebrities reading a collection of scandalous tweets from fans commenting on their looks, attractiveness, and sex appeal. Blushing stars include James McAvoy, Renee Rapp, Keanu Reeves, Anthony Mackie, and more recently, Brad Pitt and Javier Bardem, as they promote F1 the Movie that was released in theaters last week.

Keep ReadingShow less