As humans, we all have very different and diverse sexual interests and tend to be a little curious. Sometimes however what sounds fun, spontaneous, and romantic ends up being anything but.
Once on a whim during an ATV ride through the woods we decided to spice up our marriage in the woods. Blanket down, total privacy, young and in love…what could go wrong right? Know what you don't think of in the heat of the moment? Mosquitos…and ants. We were on the blanket for only a few minutes when we both started getting bit everywhereeeee.
Upon getting home and checking ourselves out we both looked like we had chickenpox from the waist down. Note to self—just because it looks fun on tv doesn't mean it translates into real life.
Redditor capraithe wanted some brutal honesty on this potentially steamy subject. They asked:
“What's not as sexy as most people seem to think it is?"
Boy oh boy did people deliver.
“brief jerky…”
“Edible underwear. Just no.” willieyobslayer
“You guys think the candy underwear is bad? Google ‘brief jerky’ and abandon all hope.” graveyardspin
Take out the ending and it just all seems creepy…
“Stalking and when I say this, I mean how in movies the love interest of a main character kind of pursues them in a really weird way but it's portrayed as ‘so sweet!’ I’m looking at you troy bolton. don't show up on my balcony in the middle of the night with no warning, you'll get maced and arrested.” chicknfari
FYI sugar should NOT go near genitals.
“Food play. That chocolate sauce may seem like a good idea but really it's just messy.” lumierette
“My sister gave my parents some sexy chocolate paste for bodies, she was 16 and did it as a joke. My father said sure why not! My mother told us the next day (during dinner) he had painted her boobs completely with chocolate, did one lick and said, no this is dark chocolate, I don't like it.” Camelbeard
A new meaning to scissoring…
“Super long fingernails. They just don't sit right with me." peardizzle
“I don't want to get chopped up by Edna Scissorfingers." Briorash
Johnny Depp Art GIF by Tech NoirGiphyIt gets in places you didn’t know you had…
“Sex on the Beach.... Sucks! FYI - Sand does not work well for lubrication” POOH-C
“Well its coarse and rough and it gets everywhere.” TheNorseBastard
They must not have neighbors…
“Exaggerated porn star noises. Most woman women don't sound like that.” TAW_564
No detective work please.
“Being mysterious. I’m not trying to solve a cold case file.” santichrist
“Apparently you can't mix alcohol and vulvas for some reason…”
“Stripping. Used to be a stripper and if anyone knew even a fraction of what went into it then no one would go to a club ever again." TraditionImpressive2
“The first (of only two times) I went to a strip club I was 18 and in my city there are two kinds of strip clubs: g-strings plus alcohol or fully naked and no booze. Apparently you can't mix alcohol and vulvas for some reason. Went to the fully naked kind since I wasn't old enough for the boozy kind."
“It was some low rent place. Anyway, at one point I needed to pee and they had no women's bathrooms so they directed me to use the bathroom in the dancer's changing room. Walked in and what little magic there had been in the club disappeared. Two dancers were arguing with each other, another was breast feeding her baby (which is lovely and wholesome but not usually part of the stripper fantasy)." MaracujaBarracuda
“Playing hard to get. I will give up.” Midnightrecon
“Nothing says ‘I have no idea how to set healthy boundaries’ like sending rejection signals and expecting them to be ignored.” becomesaflame
As always the sexiest thing to do is getting your partners consent at each step. Have safe fun out there friends!
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Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images
Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images
Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images
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