The Dumbest Things People's Significant Others Have Ever Said And Done

My exes are all dumb. But at least they made me laugh.

‘Ajar’

"We bought a new car. She asked me if I changed the settings to Spanish because it said ‘Ajar’ on the dash when the door was open."

Chibano

Splits

"She told me she only waxes her legs, because if you shave one hair, then it splits and two grow back in its place."

REDDIT

"Can confirm, this can actually happen. Granted, it isn’t super common, but this is how most of my in-grown hairs occur when I shave under my arms. Exfoliating before shaving and then using an aftershave or just conditioner on the spot afterwards does wonders for cutting down on the frequency and discomfort of them."

SecretTeaBrewer

Limp Branches

"I asked him to plant a baby tree in the back garden. The next day I saw it and thought it looked strange. Walked up and it had been planted upside down. He thought the roots were tiny limp branches. Laughed for days."

goaheadblameitonme

"I'm a gardener and this is one of our running jokes whenever someone asks us wether we know how to plant something."

"'Yeah sure, the green end goes right into the ground, right?'"

that_gardener_girl

“she gets that from my side of the family...”

"I had a kid prior to getting together with my fiancée and having a second daughter. The father of my eldest is not in the picture and my wonderful fiancée has taken her on as his own. To the point that he frequently forgets that she isn’t his genetic offspring."

"We were at a holiday party at his parents house. I was talking to my future SIL about my eldest and her night terrors when fiancée pops off with 'she gets that from my side of the family...' cue really confused faces all around. His sister sat there and started questioning what other genetic diseases my eldest has magically got from stepdad. It took a few minutes before he figured it out. I love this man..."

coffeetish

The Smart Car

"My deeply intelligent wife lost her CAR. Like left it in a parking lot and somehow got home on Friday. Monday morning I get a text: 'Where’s my car?'"

"She’s gonna finish her medical degree next year."

Docdentanddane

Why can't people just think deeper?

Dead Serious

"My boyfriend as we were looking up at the beautiful night sky."

"'Wow, there's so much we don't know about the universe. Like where the stars go during the day. Are they still there? If not, where do they go?'"

"He was dead serious."

tinbasher97

Pull the Cord

"As I'm in labor with our daughter, my husband asks 'Do you want her to have an innie or an outie belly button?' Weird question, but whatever. So I tell him I don't mind either way, both are cute. And then he says 'Yeah, but when the Dr asks, which should we pick for her?'"

"He thought when they clamp the umbilical cord, parents tell the Dr the type of belly button they prefer. He's really smart, I promise."

NoThankYouTrebek

Hey Dave

"When my wife and I started dating in the mid 1980's she knew I was a huge fan of David Letterman. She said she had a huge surprise for me as she had tickets to see Letterman at a local venue."

"I was confused since David Letterman did not tour. I looked at the tickets she purchased and they were for the old 60's band 'The Lettermen.'"

"We didn't go, but I married her. 30 years this September."

DetroitBreakdown

"To go"

"My favorite memory of my parents is going to some fast food joint, through the drive thru. Mom is driving and giving our orders to the cashier. Just as she finishes my dad casually says 'To go' my mom, and she turns back to the cashier and says 'To go.' Two seconds of buffering later and she slaps my dad full on in the chest, who is laughing f**king hysterically. Don't think we've ever let her live that down."

ZeBootygoon

I'm Dead

"My husband and I were at Canadian Tire and they had tiny examples of tents (basically looked like they were made for barbie dolls) and the pricing for each underneath. He turned to me shocked and asked, 'Why are these so expensive for such tiny tents?!'"

"I almost died laughing."

Zombombaby

God Bless the people we love.

Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.