Since TikTok took off, several hashtags, like "momtok" and "stayathomemom" have really taken off, giving stay-at-home moms and overworked moms a space to share videos, sometimes to hold themselves accountable, sometimes to share a fun time, and sometimes just to vent.
TikToker and stay-at-home dad Cass Casperson recently decided to use those hashtags to step into the space—but instead of being a supportive parent in the community, he decided to question every video on the platform.
He works a high-paying job and is able to do that work from home, so he stays home to take care of his one-year-old daughter and work in the evenings after his wife has returned home from her job.
And he had a lot to say about how easy it is to be a stay-at-home dad, to the point that he feels stay-at-home moms are "lying" about their struggles and negative experiences.
Casperson questioned:
"To all the stay-at-home moms, I feel like you’re lying."
“Because of what I get to do for work, I can still stay home and pay all the bills, and my wife will have to go to work to make her money.”
"And I have a one-year-old daughter, so I'll stay at home and take care of my daughter."
"And while I'm taking care of her, I can give her three meals a day, change her on time, get her into her naps, play time, arts and crafts time, and still make sure the entire place is clean."
"And I can clean the whole apartment while watching her before 12 or one o'clock."
"So can someone please tell me, when does being a stay-at-home mom become hard?"
You can watch the video here:
Many opinionated men flocked to the comments section to adamantly agree with the TikToker, calling stay-at-home moms a range of things, from "lazy" to "entitled" to "liars."
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But there were some in the comments who pointed out that stay-at-home moms were often there under different circumstances, and that could make all the difference.
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Some also addressed the fact that the TikToker only has one child—and a mostly immobile one at that—who is easy to clean up after. For now.
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Conversations like this, presented in this way, are so incredibly harmful.
There are inevitably going to be moms who read the comments and second-guess their abilities and work ethic, wondering why they're having such a hard time while it's apparently such a breeze for everyone else. And there will be fathers who will read this and decide that they're giving their hardworking stay-at-home wives and moms way too much credit.
The issue here isn't the amount of work, how hard it is to do, or who does it better. What should be sounding alarms is the number of women who are asking for help as stay-at-home moms, while the stay-at-home dads feel very little need to speak up.
Clearly, there's an imbalance in the system when it comes to parenting support, and it wouldn't be that surprising if men are more supported in the home just like they are in the workplace.
@kelsgordon/TikTok
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