Exercising caution when it comes to affairs of the heart is good advice.
But how much is too much?
A woman who pondered that question turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit after a disagreement with her brother over the topic.
Redditor shwnwneneb2929 asked:
"AITA for telling my brother he got exactly what he deserved when he pushed his girlfriend away for being a 'gold digger'?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My brother is a very hardworking man and at 27 he is now very wealthy and doing well for himself. He's been with this girl for six months and throughout the time we have gotten close because we both like hair, makeup, and shopping."
"I never knew there was anything wrong with their relationship except when she texted me last week saying she would love to hang out but thinks it'll be inappropriate because her and my brother broke up. I asked her why and she said she was sick and tired of 'auditioning' to prove she was with him for the right reasons."
"She went on to say that my brother is paranoid she's after his money so he would test her like:"
"1. Leaving out his bank statements on their bed and getting upset when she picked it up."
"2. Going out to eat at high end restaurants he requested and leaving his wallet at home on purpose to make her pay the bill and prove she's not going out with him for money."
"3. Never buying her gifts and questioning her when she asks why he doesn't."
"I was shocked so I had to hear my brothers perspective. We spoke and he told me everything she said was true and that there's nothing wrong with making sure his girlfriend is with him for the right reasons."
"He said he left his bank statements on the bed and was peeking through the door to see if she would be curious and when he saw her pick up the papers he knew in his gut she was using him for his money, so he set up the restaurant idea to see if she would get upset at paying a 500$ bill which she was."
"I asked him if he thinks her being an elementary school teacher could've contributed to her being upset at a 500$ bill at a restaurant he wanted to go to and he said no."
"He said the straw that broke was when she asked him why he hasn't bought her a single gift since they've started dating when she bought him a gaming console and new rims for his car and he knew she was just discretely asking him to buy her an expensive gift."
"He confronted her and said he thinks she's with him for his money so she said let me do us both a favor and dumped him and blocked him. He's upset about the 'gold digging bitch' and when I laughed he called me an a**hole."
"He said I would never understand what's it's like being a rich man and being used and I get that concern, but I told him if he thinks any woman will be okay with his tests and auditions he's delusional as hell."
"If he doesn't want to be used for his money he should start dating people as wealthy as him or leave lower income people alone if he's not going to be genuine in his relationships unless they pass his 'test'."
The OP added:
"He said it's impossible to find a woman as wealthy as him so he's forced to date middle and lower class women so he's still gonna continue his tests. I told him he should go to therapy and he said I'm crazy."
"My boyfriend isn't rich by any means and even he gets me $12 flowers every other week and other cute gifts.
"[My brother] says that I don't understand that women now expect special order custom flowers because of his wealth and think he's being cheap if he gets them regular flowers.
"I told him he's being delusional but he says I will never understand."
Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
"Your brothers tests are flawed."
"Leaving out his bank statements on their bed and getting upset when she picked it up—Papers on the bed, hmmm, let me glance at them to see if it's relevant to me & if not, put them out of the way."
"Going out to eat at high end restaurants he requested and leaving his wallet at home on purpose to make her pay the bill and prove she's not going out with him for money—If he wanted her to buy dinner, go somewhere she can afford."
"No teacher I know would pay $500 for a dinner. That was his biggest a**hole move."
"Never buying her gifts and questioning her when she asks why he doesn't—she bought him a gaming console and new rims for his car."
"Your brother is a massive a**hole. The items she got him as gifts are not cheap, so I don't know where he gets off saying she is a gold-digger, if anything sounds like he is. NTA" ~ Evil_Mel
"From what it sounds like, he's the gold digger here. Regardless of how much money he has."
"That poor girl. I'd suggest if you like her enough and still want to be friends with her, it's fine."
"Just stay away from your brother when your with her." ~ NervousNellyPooper
"I could be a millionaire and I'd still be pissed if I had to pay $500 for dinner. He's very delusional for thinking people would be okay with those test."
"I feel like nothing she could've done would've stopped his thoughts of her. NTA" ~ ladyk1487
"I don't mind paying out a lot for a nice dinner if it's my idea to go someplace expensive. If I'm the one that wants the fancy dinner, it's only fair that I pay."
"If somebody insisted we go to an expensive restaurant and then forced me to pay, then we'd have problems." ~ DarthSinistar
While her brother's behavior lost the OP a friend, at lest she knows Reddit has her back.