Who knows us better than our parents?
A lot of people, in fact. Not every person's relationship with their parents is perfect, and sometimes people have reasons why they hide things or choose not to be entirely honest that are perfectly valid. It takes a lot of courage to be open––especially if the environment in which we grew up wasn't exactly ideal.
That's what we were reminded of after Redditor Magical-Potato-Chips asked the online community,
"What's something you've wanted to tell your parents but won't because it'll break their hearts?"
"I hate staying..."
"I hate staying in their house when visiting because it is so messy and their dogs are not trained properly and all they do is watch TV all day.
My old room was my one sanctuary, I kept it completely clean and clutter-free, but then my dad took it over, and now it is floor to ceiling stacked with boxes and junk.
I love them to death, but living in all the junk, smells, and rowdy dogs just isn't enjoyable."
"I do think..."
"Probably just a real talk about how abusive my mother was to us. She's mentally ill and I've forgiven her. I do think she tried her best, but she didn't have the right tools to be a good mother. It would stir up more issues than it's worth. I just accept her for who she is."
Sometimes that's easier.
"I was afraid..."
"I slide my feet whenever I walk on wood floors, no matter where, at every age no matter what. I was afraid of my mom knowing I was up and around. The more noise I made, the more negative attention I received."
This is sad. When we hear that "children should be seen and not heard," we should remembeer that these are the consequences.
"I was easily manipulated..."
"Their bad example of love, marriage, and family led me to several abusive relationships. I was easily manipulated because I was terrified of being abandoned."
"That my dad..."
"That my dad dismissing my interests as a child and preteen makes me not want to talk to him. And he's said a decent amount of hurtful things he's never apologized for.
He retired and lives across the country, and I just pretend I'm bad at calling/texting."
"My mom is extremely bad..."
"I was so obedient when I was a child only because I was afraid that I would agitate them and get shouted at any time.
My mom is so proud that she raised an extremely well-behaved and polite daughter. But the only reason I was like that was because I lived in a fear of violating the adults' rules and the consequences. My mom is extremely bad at controlling emotions."
Sometimes talking to a parent can feel like dealing with a land mine.
"It's terrible..."
"I am living with my family of Muslims and I go to a Muslim school and I hate it. My parents will either be really sad or really angry if I tell them I am atheist so I have to be quiet and pretend.
I can't eat, wear or do what I want and I have to constantly listen to teachers and students preaching about death and how I will burn in an eternal flame if I don't believe. It's terrible, sometimes I have doubts and going to school to listen to them talk is legitimately scary."
"That I'm always sweet and agreeable..."
"That I'm always sweet and agreeable not because that's how I really am, but because I'm terrified that they'll kick me out if I disagree too strongly or cause any strife. I'm disabled and can't work. There's nowhere else for me to go.
My parents have never given me any indication that they would do such a thing, but they could, so I can't trust that they never will. I'm always on my guard, trying to figure out what will make them happy and what I need to hide."
My heart breaks for this person.
"That would kill my mother."
"That, yes, my sister is right. You were emotionally abusive when we were kids.
That would kill my mother. She vents to me about how awful it feels to hear that from my sister. She tried her best."
"As a result..."
"I never went to them when I was hurt or needed help because I always knew how stressed they were dealing with their own problems. They didn't hide it well.
As a result, I often feel the desire for attention that I never got, and have to avoid attention-seeking urges. Sometimes I blame it on them, even though I know that isn't fair of me."
Having trouble with your parents?
"Particularly for children who had a difficult relationship with their parents as kids, recognizing a lack of closeness with parents in adulthood can feel like another, added layer of grief. In any case, feeling a distance from one's parents is undoubtedly difficult, but there are some strategies that you can use to cope," writes Dr. Samantha Rodman, a clinical psychologist and columnist with TalkSpace.
Practicing acceptance, focusing on qualities that your parents do have, finding support and solidarity, and being the parent you wish you had can go a long way.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below.
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