Sometimes, you just have to say it. You're in the presence of someone wildly hard-headed, misguided, self-absorbed, or just plain arrogant. And they're just going on and on.
You can't imagine letting this person leave this interaction without any awareness of their behavior. They need to be told and, ideally, pushed to reflect.
And yet you do not enjoy conflict. In fact, you avoid it whenever possible. These two facts--a loudmouth and pacifism--create a tiresome impasse.
But there is a solution. It's the ideal comment to hover right in that sweet spot where true conflict isn't stirred but annoyance is nonetheless expressed. It's the polite insult.
The polite insult is difficult to master but a worthy tool in your arsenal as you navigate a world full of all kinds of people. On the outside, it's nice enough to remain in the friendly tone of most interactions. And yet, if the person really thinks about it, there is no doubt what is conveyed.
Lucky for us, a Reddit thread pulled together the best of them.
Lampy5 asked, "What is your favorite polite insult?"
Fingers Crossed for Karma
"I hope your day is as pleasant as you are." -- llcucf80
"Its a solid insult for working retail because odds are they figure out what you mean while they are in the car driving away." -- runawaytoaster
"This is a staple sentence as a server/bartender" -- SpicySoggypickle
Someone's Gotta Keep Things In Check
"I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong." -- Oniwaban9
"Definitely using this one" -- umasa001
"I'd agree thats a good insult, but then we'd both be wrong...No, it actually is a good one, I just wanted to use it on u xD" -- kegegeam
"DUH"
"As per my last email..." -- TipsyPeanuts
"I once got a very nasty email from our admin staff that one of my time sheets had not been sent in, and it needed to be sent in IMMEDIATELY or the world would end. So I forwarded the same email I had sent them last week that had everything attached" -- PM_UR_NUDES_LADIES
Never Good to Be Quaint
"Well aren't you precious? (soft, super-condescending smile here)" -- Unknown_system_error
"Aww bless your heart." -- billybobjimmyjoe
"This all the way." -- ChangetheGame20
"It's more like 'you poor idiot,' or 'it must be hard being that stupid'" -- _PM_ME_YOUR_SYNTAX
Casting Doubt
"When somebody compliments themselves, I'll ask 'Who told you that?'" -- msb41
"Brutal" -- Krissy_loo
"And if the stars align, they say 'My mom,' to which you can say, 'ah yes, she just wants you to be happy.'" -- im_dead_sirius
Hovering Nicely in the Bell Curve
"It's nice that you're so ordinary." -- ReaverRogue
"You look like you'd be easy to draw." -- wesontap
"This made me chuckle! Love it." -- THE_Lena
Utter Neutrality
"'Yeah, that's an idea' if I can't genuinely say it's a good idea." -- KiloRomeo0588
"'That's a... unique idea' is my go to" -- Sethrial
Odorless, Tasteless, Featureless
"If you were a spice, you would be flour." -- ItsYourBoyReckster
"That wasn't polite, that was f***ing heartless. Ouch, I wanna try it out." -- 2HrsOnTheName
All About Tone
"'good for you' said in the right condescending tone." -- immajustgooglethat
"Want a cookie works well" -- AMouse82
"'If you say so' is - I believe - the English equivalent." -- christianunionist
Take a Load Off
"'He was never overburdened by intelligence.'" -- DrumlineFreak
"Cant remember who but someone said about George bush 'he was a humble man with much to be humble about'" -- woosterthunkit
Poorly Adjusted
"Who ties your shoelaces for you?"
"What colour is the sky in your world?"
"Do you have someone who looks after you?"
Keeping it Neutral
"'Look at that face'"
"My ex-husband (we were married at the time) had friends who had a baby right after ours was born. I went to visit and commiserate about newborns with the wife."
"She brought out the baby and...well all I could say was 'look at that face' because while I find babies weird looking (even my own) as newborns, this one was...well...idk I feel bad saying it but fugly"
Nudging Them to Awareness
"'Oh, you're welcome!'"
"(Me pretending like I heard them say 'thank you' when they're just ungrateful.)"
Unsolicited Support
"I don't care what they say about you, you're ok" -- vhfdthcfjvff
"This one's pure evil, and it's why I love it so much." -- addictivemischief
Just Posh Enough to Throw Off the Scent
"'One hardly speaks of such things'"
"My standard response to anyone who asks a question about something that is none of their damn business."
-- kalee28
BUB
"Calling someone 'bud'" -- bigaus25
"This or 'bub' 'Hey I got some issues for you to deal with today bub. You and and young bucks out there should be able to handle it bub!'" -- FupaSmacker
"i feel like when dads do it its more... reassuring..? idk just dads give off a certain energy." -- Longjumping_Diamond5
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reply to San Francisco Chronicle/Facebook by Aubrey Huff
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