Some things are better left unspoken.
But the truth has a way of coming out whether you like it or not.
Reddit user BeautifulWorking6 couldn't understand why her boyfriend's brother kept mentioning how all babies were required to get a paternity test. When she asked him about it, she may have inadvertently revealed his wife was having an affair.
Now, feeling pretty guilting, she's asking the anonymous members of the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) to weigh in on whether she's done anything wrong by declaring:
NTA - Not The A**hole
YTA - You're The A**hole
ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
NAH - No A**holes Here
"A while back I started buying a house w my boyfriend. We decided to let his brother and his brother's wife and kids live with us. The wife and I each got pregnant within a few months of each other, and so the house was totally wrapped up in baby preparations."
"Well, when it's her turn to give birth, he gets back with her and he's all aglow and happy saying how much the new baby looks like him, and he says 'I couldn't deny her [the baby] if I tried even without the paternity test!'"
"I thought this was a weird thing to say. As far as I knew, their relationship was good, so I didn't see why they would do a test. The first time he said it I let it go, but he said it a few times to a few family friends and it really started to bother me. Especially that everyone just took it in stride."
"Finally, when everyone was gone various places, I asked what he meant by that. I was like "you keep talking about a paternity test what's that about" and he said it was "the one they do when a baby gets born, at the hospital" and I asked what he meant and he got frustrated and said 'you know the one they always do at the hospital when a baby gets born, like you guys when yours was born, so they can put it on the birth certificate.'"
"The confused me even more. I explained to him we didn't have one done, that we filled out the birth certificate paperwork beforehand, and all they did was ask my bf if he was the dad and he said yeah so they marked it down. He got really quiet, and it kinda clicked for me that something was up, so I said "maybe it's because I have different insurance" because that's all I could think of."
"Well he shut himself in his room, and when his wife got back they had a huge fight, and it turns out she's been cheating on him for like six years. Everyone is upset with me for telling him, because it ruined their happiness about their new baby. Am I the a**hole?"
On Reddit, many argued that OP couldn't be in the wrong since she literally didn't know what she was doing.
"Oh boy. NTA because you didn't do it on purpose so it's literally impossible to be the AH. Obviously the lying wife is the AH." -marheena
Others pointed out that OP tried her best to cover her mistake.
"She even tried to back track and calm everything down when she realised something happened, so it obviously wasnt malicious. I dont know why people would blame her and not the one who cheated... NTA." -capoeirapenguin
Someone was going to have to tell this husband, after all.
"Lmao NTA is this real? I cannot. Poor guy, somebody needed to tell him." -FloralCouchPotato
OP shouldn't be considered a jerk for exposing someone else's jerkishness.
"It's astonishing how many AITA posts involve a family (or two) blaming a person for "causing" some other adult to behave like an asshole. Or causing people to find out what they are doing that makes them an asshole. True head-in-the-sand thinking. Like blaming the rooster for the sun coming up." -MargotFenring
Some Reddit users think the cheating wife's deception may have gone even farther than it first appeared to.
"She didn't request [a paternity test]. She never did one. She just claimed it was done as per standard course and that's why his name is on birth certificate."
"Ie he must have been suspicious bc he suspected her of cheating, and she said, "honey don't be silly, besides, they did a test at the hospital in the normal course and the kids are definitely totally yours". And he believed that. Perhaps she told him she provided his DNA ahead of time. She 100% never actually did a test." -Tanyec
Honesty is almost always the best policy.
"Something similar happened with my younger uncle. My other uncle was telling him how his wife was going to indoor cricket twice a week . My younger uncle asked if she played. Uncle said no. Younger uncle then asked if their son was playing. Nope she's watching friends."
"Younger uncle responded with 'she's cheating on you, you dumb f*ck' Which turned out to be true. And my uncle tried to blame younger uncle. He definitely could have been a bit nicer in how he said it but it wasn't his fault she was cheating." -Lozzif
OP shouldn't be blamed for gently relating her personal experiences.
"NTA- you literally just told him a factual story about your birth experience. That's it. That's what you did."
"The fact that there were extenuating circumstances that caused your bfs brother in law to come to a completely unrelated realization is absolutely not your fault or your problem. It's not like you were intentionally trying to out his wife (which you'd arguably be justified in doing, albeit perhaps a bit nicer)."
"You had no idea the wife was cheating. You just noted something strange about his comments and shared your relevant experience. He drew his own (correct) conclusions from that. Frankly, I'm surprised he was finally able to figure out what that giant red cloth was doing, waving in his face." -Still_Mighty
The real bad guy is almost always the person who is cheating.
"NTA. You're the least person to be the asshole here. Obviously your brother-in-law had a lot of anxiety about being the father of the child, and for good reasons. Their happiness was based on very fragile foundations if learning about of hospital works can destroy it.To blame you seems to be an easy way out for people who want to deviate from the matter at hand -- that has nothing to do with you. Please don't let anyone make you the bad guy of this story, this wouldn't be healthy, for anyone." -PageOfSword
At the end of the day, OP might have done this new father a favor.
"NTA. Sounds like you did him a favor. But maybe get him something for him to get his mind off things. He is going through a rough time, he needs good family around him, and he seems to have very little of that naturally." -IsaRenee
At the end of the day, almost no one thought OP was the a**hole in this situation.
"NTA. What he said was so completely out of left-field, it was reasonable to ask what the hell he was talking about. And then when you realized, you tried to spare his feelings with the maybe it's different insurance excuse. What in the hell is everyone's problem for being upset at YOU? Dear Lord, you are not the asshole."
"The man deserved to know. Maybe they can fix their relationship, maybe they can't, but just because the fall-out is inconvenient doesn't mean he didn't have a right to know or you did anything wrong." -stewbugx
When in doubt, asking honest questions and relating your own experiences is never a bad thing. Perhaps OP's brother-in-law will use this incident as a step to get his life back on track.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*
With all of the DNA testing available, people can check their family tree with things like the AncestryDNA: Genetic Ethnicity Test available here. You can even do DNA Direct Paternity Test Kit at home here.