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People Share Their One Key Rule For A 'Friends With Benefits' Relationship
But FWB can have unexpected repercussions.
Not having firm rules and boundaries in place can lead to chaos and heartbreak.
It's a tale as old as time.
So how do we minimize the damage?
Redditor LovelyAuraxx wanted to hear about the ways people have tried to make "friends with benefits" work, so they asked:
"People who have had a 'friends with benefits' situation—what’s the one rule or boundary that made it work (or caused it to fail)?"
Stay Out
"Not invading their private space."
- Johny_bravo-420
Green Bay Packers Chill GIF by Martellus Bennett's Text Back PackGiphy
Pairing Up
"My personal experience is that sexual intimacy triggers the whole 'pair bonding' instinct, which is NOT necessarily a good thing if the other person is not a good candidate for an LTR. I suspect this is true of a lot of people who shouldn't even entertain the notion of an FWB setup."
- lucky_ducker
No Feelings
"Don’t do it if you crave romance and affection."
- avonpurple
"People do have the wrong idea of what friends with benefits is. To me, it’s someone I may know that I may fool around with or sleep with. But we don’t have to do that. We can be perfectly fine, chill with each other, and not get intimate. But I do agree if you have feelings for that person. Do not try that. Cause it just confuses things, and it never ends well."
- Ill_Cod7460
Experations Dates
"That you gotta understand it is temporary, it can end the next day, or one year later. I could say there are many possible rules and boundaries."
"The most important one is talking about it truthfully, having an honest conversation and knowing the reasons why it works for you and why it works for the other side."
- IntrepidTurnover8635
Effortless
"I swear when people describe versions that work it always sounds like they are just putting effort into something that’s going nowhere. But I guess the idea of being able to choose to be there for someone that doesn’t have to be there for you is better than finding someone you could put everything into and possibly get hurt."
- bigpproggression
"The point is that there is NO effort. There is no commitment and no expectations. You are both getting the companionship and intimacy that you need in the moment, knowing that it won't work long-term for one reason or another. As soon as it's no longer convenient, the arrangement ends, and both people walk away from it knowing it was only temporary."
- grooves12
Off & On
"Dated a girl for a couple of months, and while it was fun, neither of us thought it would go somewhere long term. So we broke it off on friendly terms, but we both enjoyed the bedroom times so we talked about it and made clear rules. No fwb if either of us is in a relationship. If one of us starts to catch feelings, then we need to stop the fwb shenanigans and tell the other person. It wouldn't be fair or nice to continue in that situation."
"For maybe a decade, we would be on again, off again fwb. One or both of us would be in a relationship, and we'd stop. Then neither of us would be, and we'd resume."
"The last time came when I was driving her back to her place once, and she told me she wanted to try dating again. I personally still didn't think we would work as an actual couple, so I told her that I think our situation only worked because neither of us thought it would go long-term. So we stopped the fwb."
"Since then we've both gotten married and have had children. She moved to a different country last I heard. I enjoyed our time together, and I hope she looks back at it and feels the same."
- MorkSal
Amazing!
"The girl I was with said that we were in two different worlds (I was in UNI and she already finished hers and was working already), and that we will never work as a couple. Since the sex was good and I was young that was a win-win for me."
"We hang out for 4 years with no talking besides on weekends to arrange the meet up. Then I started to date for 4 years, and we stopped talking. After I broke up, she texted me, and we hung out for almost one more year the same way we did before, even though I was already working."
"Met my actual wife and we stopped out FWB meetings. Im marrried with kids now and I heard she is too! She was an amazing person btw."
- brucechow
The End
"Did the FWB thing with a long-term friend. It all fell apart when we got married..."
- Hephaestus0308
just married love GIFGiphy
Don't Catch It
"I think you have to not spend too much time together to avoid catching feelings, for me at least. If I at least generally like someone enough to be sleeping with them plus we’re spending several nights a week together, it’s going to be hard to not catch feelings. But if it’s less frequent, I’m fine."
- kkat39
"A couple of mine were long distance, so I guess that helped. We met online gaming and would occasionally meet up at events or plan random trips. So fun! If either of them had been local, feelings definitely would have developed."
- annabellynn
The Only One
"It was during a gap year, so there was a specific end date."
"During that time we wouldn't be looking for a partner anyway, so that just worked."
- HanzerwagenV2
"What has FWB has to do with other people?"
"It's about just 'fun sex' without the depth and feeling. Whether or not that person is active with other people has really nothing to do with that. That is just the difference between monogamous or polyamorous relations."
- HanzerwagenV2
Talk to Me
"I don't have one now, but the girls I did have it was communication. It's similar to a relationship, so act accordingly. We said from the start this is is what I want and nothing more, if you feel something more let me know so we can talk about it (which I had people catch feelings and we talked about it like grown people.)"
- r0ckerdud3
Health Send GIF by OpenNotesGiphy
Mixed Feelings
"We didn't really have rules. Basically, we just were like, we enjoy each other, but we don't want to date each other. Like, we were not very compatible as a couple or possible marriage, and we both realized that and decided to just hook up with each other until we found our compatible person. Everything went just as we said/planned it."
"Then she found her person, and they started dating, and I never went around her again. I didn't want to start anything or possibly give her mixed feelings somehow, and now they're married and have kids, and I'm super happy for her. I also found my person around the same time, too, and I'm also happily married. So it worked out really great for both of us."
- DINGLEBERRYTROUBLE
Career First
"The only time it worked out for me was with a young female banking executive who, according to her, didn't have the time, or inclination, for a romantic relationship, but she still needed to have sex occasionally. As a background, I had known her for several years, both professionally and as a member of civic clubs."
"During a club event, several of us went out to a sushi restaurant in a nearby town, and the young banking executive ended up back at my place. She was very up front and laid out exactly what she was looking for and asked if I was agreeable. I didn't have much faith that it would work out, but to my surprise, it worked well for several years until she got a major promotion and was transferred."
"I think the reason it worked was because she was basically married to her career, and she never lost sight of her goal. As for me, I think I was as driven and goal-oriented in my career as she was in hers."
- DamienSpecterII
Benefits
"I had a couple of long-term FWB's in my single days, and I think one thing that worked really well was being able to talk to them about dating."
"So when either of us starting seeing someone new, we could be sounding boards for questions or concerns. We knew each other well enough to know what we want, and we could translate behaviour from the opposite sex and give genuine advice on how to move forward."
"Crucially, when either of us did start dating someone exclusively (and thereby ending/pausing any hookups between us) we were genuinely happy for each other. In short I think it's important to not just focus on the benefits, but make sure you're a friend also."
- Marquis_De-Lafayette
Approaches
"Not a rule per se but an overall mentality and approach. For it to work you both need to be able to have an open discussion about what the boundaries and expectations are. Leave nothing to misinterpretation, even discuss things that could happen in the moment. If this cannot be done then my personal view is that it won't work and someone will get hurt."
- Specialist-Neat-9502
No Fam
"I don't meet your friends or family. You don't meet mine. In the end, she fell in love, I didn't."
- sterlingarcher0069
Family GIFGiphy
The no Fam rule should be rule #1!
And don't meet other friends either.
It can be arduous when you're "benefitting" with a friend from a popular friend group.
So just deal with that group, but no new friends.
I can't tell you how many times I've been shot in the foot from introducing my liasons to friends.
Then you can't shake them when it's time to move on. And boundaries.
Boundaries are a must. Maybe even a contract in blood.
Just in case.
What rules did y'all follow with your FWB?
MAGA Lawmaker Schooled By Democrat After He Tries To Claim That Intersex People Don't Exist
While introducing his amendment, Hopper stated:
"Despite repeated calls by our President, our governor, and our legislature, the University of Texas continues to put out an outsized focus offering degree programs and courses in lesbian, gay, and bisexual, transgender, queer studies and has continued a pattern of teaching discrimination hidden behind the words diversity, equity and inclusion."
"There are also programs that deny the unchangeable biological reality that there are only two sexes, male and female. These programs, and by extension this university, shall not be funded by tax dollars."
After Hopper yielded the floor for questions on his amendment, Democratic state Representative Simmons asked:
"Representative Hopper can you clarify what it means when a course does not comply with the biological reality that there are only two sexes?"
You can see their interaction here:
- YouTubeyoutu.be
Hopper responded:
"So if a course is teaching the student body of a university that gender is–that gender is somehow fluid, that there is some sort of way to change your gender, then that would violate what we're trying to say here."
Representative Simmons replied:
"So just for clarification before I move on, gender or [sex], can you clarify what you mean, 'cuz those are not one and the same."
Hopper continued to confuse gender with sex, saying:
"So when you're born and you have a set of chromosomes."
Representative Simmons pressed for clarity, asking:
"So are you speaking about–are you speaking about biological sex or are you speaking about gender, 'cuz one is scientific one is a social construct. 'Cuz I have a follow-up question."
Hopper was again confused, stating:
"Yeah, they're one and the same, ma'am."
Representative Simmons simply replied:
"That's not true. But moving on. Okay, so in the same vein, what about intersex individuals?"
Hopper—who previously touted an "unchangeable biological reality"—said:
"I don't even know what that means."
He then asked Representative Simmons to explain it to him.
She replied:
"I'll take it really slow. Since the beginning of time people have been born with either ambiguous genitalia or with or without ovaries, or both. And so those people from a biological standpoint exist."
"They're not mythical. It's not something we're making up. Which is why I asked you, are you speaking about gender or [sex] because, again, one is a social construct. One is more scientific-based. And that's why I was asking."
Hopper still insisted gender and biological sex were the same thing, claiming:
"So their gender is not a social construct. It's firmly rooted in biological reality."
After asking Hopper to repeat his misinformation, Representative Simmons asked:
"So again, intersex... intersex people... what about them? When we're talking about two biological sexes, what are we talking about when regarding intersex people?"
Instead of answering, Hopper asked Representative Simmons to explain intersex to him again.
Instead of repeating her explanation, Representative Simmons pointed out the absurdity of Hopper holding himself up as an authority on gender or biological sex.
She said:
"You are not sure what intersex people are, if they exist or not, but you want to defund a program about something that you don't–that you don't quite understand."
Hopper—in typical MAGA Christian nationalist fashion—then turned to the Bible, saying:
"So the truth that is rooted in our biblical understanding that God set forth from the beginning of creation is that your gender is fixed at birth and you cannot change it."
But Representative Simmons wasn't falling for it.
She replied:
"Again, I want to clarify, gender as a social construct or a biological sex? And again you haven't yet answered my question about where do intersex people fall into that equation?"
Hopper then really displayed his ignorance of biology by replying:
"Yeah, those intersex individuals are still XX or XY. So you can't change that."
This prompted one of the Republicans gathered around Hopper to tug on his sleeve and quietly tell him:
"Andy, that is not true."
Representative Simmons then finished by moving to block consideration of Hopper's "biblically-based" amendment, telling the Texas House:
"Mr. Speaker, I raise a point of order against further consideration of the amendment under house rule 8, section 4, on the grounds that this amendment seeks to create general law through an appropriations bill."
People applauded Representative Simmons exposure of Hopper's ignorance.
@leftynavyseal/Bluesky
@derblab/Bluesky
Hopper's amendment was eventually removed by Texas House parliamentarians after an hour of debate.
