People Divulge The Things Women Learn Way Too Late In Life

With age comes wisdom, hopefully.

People often lament:

"I wish that what I knew now, I knew then when I was younger."

They even used it in a song.

Reddit user BrunoPreski asked:

"What’s something women learn too late in life?"

Actions

"Actions speak louder than words."

~ sara9111

"I've always said, words without the actions that match mean nothing."

"You can say something as much as you want, but unless your actions match, what you've said is useless."

~ hashbrowneggyolk0520

"Communication is not a substitute for identity. When you see someone always saying one thing, but doing something else, you'll know who they really are based on the latter."

~ nox66

Disappointment

"It’s okay to disappoint others if it means not abandoning yourself."

~ Able-Independent-453

"Do disappoint others, if it means you get to live your best life and protect your mental/emotional/ financial well-being."

~ cosmopolite24

Questions

"Just because someone asks you a question doesn’t mean you have to answer it."

~ InterestingSwan6280

"This is actually incredibly powerful and needs to be seen by more. Both sexes really, but definitely women. You don't owe anyone ANYTHING."

~ 2thine_self_btrue

Choices

"In the choice to pick someone, you can also pick yourself."

~ desertstar714

"This was me when I decided it was time for divorce. I could die tomorrow, or anytime in the next 50 years. Looking at the prior decade and seeing how unhappy I was, I made the decision."

"He told me, that me leaving was going to ruin his life, so he went off and found a different mommy bangmaid and tries to make me jealous of her any time I have to talk to him. Her boobs are bigger, she's gothier, she's just so much better than I ever was."

"But I'm happier now, my nervous system has finally started to relax after almost two years. I get to enjoy life again."

~ VeeDubBug

Boundaries

"Strong boundaries are necessary, so be ready and willing to walk away from a man (or friend) who crosses those boundaries, hurts you physically or emotionally, or disregards your feelings."

"Believe people the first time they show you who they are, it will NOT get better, only worse."

"I always hung on to relationships and friendships longer than I should have, and all that did was prolong the inevitable while making me unhappy and preventing me from finding better. And there is always better out there."

~ LucilleBluthsbroach

Time

"I realized earlier this year that being kind ≠ being everyone’s best friend. In fact, that’s the fastest way to burn myself out. I cut off a one-sided friendship that wasn’t serving me, and I felt so much lighter afterwards. 100% the right call."

~ decadentbirdgarden

"In the same vein: you don’t owe anyone your time/conversation. This mostly goes with telling a man no, but can apply to other situations as well. The years I put up with people who made me feel uncomfortable because I was too ‘nice’ to say no."

~ Salt_Cream697

Trauma

"Resolve trauma on your own. You won't get apologies or resolution from the people who traumatized you and if you don't do the work, you end up making it your whole personality, whether consciously or subconsciously."

~ TheFuturesGhost

"Now this is good advice. So many women want to understand their abusers and want to come to an understanding."

"Woman! He's an abuser! How can you understand them‽‽"

~ disclosingNina--1876

"Even if you do happen to get apologies, that doesn't do away with the after effects. You still need to care for your nervous system, no one can do that for you."

~ Spirited_Question

Nice

"That being 'nice' won’t protect you and saying 'no' doesn’t make you mean."

~ Sensitive_Age_5932

"I had a male, senior coworker tell me a few years back, 'I admire your ability to say no'. To be honest, it's still one of my favorite compliments to this day."

~ buffythebudslayer

"I have a hell of time trying to explain this to my mother-in-law. She has a pathological need to be seen as 'nice', much to her own and sometimes her family's detriment."

"She gets walked all over and often comes across as insincere. Boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships. Saying no once in awhile won't make your family abandon you and it's OK to say you dislike someone even after death."

~ bouncy-belly-giggles

Not Your Circus...

"Someone else's procrastination is not your emergency."

~ rachonly561

Period Pain

"That crippling menstrual cramps, ridiculously heavy bleeding, and luteal phase panic attacks are not normal."

"Unfortunately, we also learn that a large majority of healthcare practitioners also believe those things are normal."

"Endo, PCOS, and PMDD are very real and not just 'normal period experiences'."

~ inkyblackops

"I will forever be grateful to the woman online who stepped in and told me that level of pain isn’t normal. I absolutely thought it was normal."

"AND she directed me to some place that could help me. I hope she is having a great day, every day."

~ PrpleSparklyUnicrn13

"I’ve had debilitating periods my whole life. The pain and bleeding affect my ability to walk and work, I’m usually bed bound for at least the first 2-3 days."

"But most women in my life told me 'that’s normal, we all deal with it' so I just accepted it."

"I was finally diagnosed with adenomyosis at 25, and I’ve been using continuous birth control to treat it. My quality of life has gone through the roof since starting treatment."

"My doctor said most women don’t know they have adenomyosis until post-hysterectomy when a biopsy is conducted. So many people just go their whole lives experiencing this pain and never know that it’s a disease hurting them."

~ sagepuma

Finances

"Financial awareness. Blind trust in a spouse's financial decisions never turns out well."

~ TheFuturesGhost

"My dad' insisted on my mom being a stay-at-home wife and to leave the finances to him. He'd tell her if they can swing a purchase or not."

"When my dad almost died from not managing his diabetes, my mom logged into their bank accounts for the first time ever and was shocked to find out they didn't have enough to get to the end of the month, and they were 62 and 63."

"Turns out the man has not saved a dime in the 30 years he's had control over the budget. Further analysis showed that at least 25% of their expenditures was twice daily fast food purchases he made at work, another 10% to their combined cigarette habit."

"Now I'm the bank of retirement if I don't want their dumba**es on the streets eating cat food."

~ Conscious_Can3226

Feedback

"You don't have to apply everyone's feedback."

~ WrenElsewhere

"I remember reading an advice column way back when about a woman who was given feedback she thought was stupid from a man she thought was an idiot in a writing class or similar, and her notes to herself when considering his critique just read 'Rick is a Dipshit'."

"Years later, the 'Is Rick A Dipshit?' test remains a useful tool when considering certain people's (often unsolicited) opinions."

~ catschimeras

Exercise

"You need to exercise. Like, every demographic gets benefits to exercise, and there's a ton of benefits to your health with it."

"But strength training is particularly important for women because it helps with bone density. Osteoporosis and fractures are more prevalent in postmenopausal women than in older men, partially because of low estrogen."

"Also, continued exercise now is beneficial later in life because you might not need as much assistance with getting around and can help reduce the risk of falls. But you can't just start doing it when it's a problem, you should start exercising now."

~ ClowninaCircus12

Alone Time

"That you can do fun things alone if you don’t have a friend who shares that interest and it’s fine."

~ HappySummerBreeze

"I remember a girl in college used to go places by herself and I asked her if it felt weird and she said 'if I don’t like spending time with myself why would anyone else want to?'."

~ Any_Cheesecake_2111

"Amazing mindset. One of the things I've always hated, years back I'd go to movies by myself and it would come up sometimes, I'd always get a 'WTF' or 'why? That's odd'."

"It was bizarre to them, as someone who also enjoyed movies, that I would watch them when I could or wanted to, but AT A MOVIE THEATER. Instead of alone at home."

~ reidchabot

Attention

"Attention is not value."

~ phantom_gain

"It's also not affection."

~ Ladyharpie

"In fact, it's a drug. When you get that attention, you crave more. Rinse and repeat."

~ ApprehensiveAd6476

"Yes. I have had to really unlearn this. I was quite attractive in my 20's. Got attention everywhere I went for the most part. Pretty privilege, I used to my advantage. It's a real thing."

"Now that I am married, early 30's, and trying to have children, that mostly all stopped. I still look good and take care of myself, but I no longer receive that same attention aside from my husband."

"It has been shellshock for sure, but I realize that it's all extremely fleeting and in the grand scheme of things, never truly mattered."

~ Cheetahspotsss

What things should women learn earlier for a happier life?