An unexpected pregnancy requires some decisions be made.
A young couple—not ready to be parents—made the best decision for themselves. But a friend disagreed.
So they turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor wycuhif8v asked:
"AITA For letting my sister adopt my unborn baby rather than a friend who wants a baby?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"This is a little complicated. My girlfriend and I are nineteen, and despite all the protection we use, she still somehow got pregnant."
"My older sister (34) practically raised me. Our parents were absent most of her childhood and like, all of mine."
"Our older brother looked after us. Anyway, I literally call her mom, we're that close. She calls me her firstborn."
"She's got three legal sons, all adopted. They're basically my younger brothers and I love them to death."
"So you know, naturally I called her when we found out about the pregnancy."
"She calmed us down and explained our options. We knew we did not want to be parents, but my girlfriend said she didn't really want an abortion but didn't want another child to go into the system."
"Anyway, scheduled an appointment to get the baby vamooshed, when my sister called again. She said she would adopt our baby if we really didn't want to go through with the abortion."
"Yada yada, that was like three months ago."
"A few friends started asking about names last week when we eventually told them, and we basically explained that we weren't keeping the baby. A friend of ours Em (21) has been trying for a baby with her husband for like two years."
"We knew, but didn't think much of it. She contacted us asking what we were doing with the baby."
"I explained that my older sister was going to adopt them. I guess she found my sister through my Instagram or something and angrily messaged us that she already has three kids and we should think about mothers who can't have children and want one."
"At this point we realised what the issue was and I explained that her children were adopted and she hasn't had them as babies, and we want to keep baby in the family."
"She didn't reply but one of her and my girlfriend's mutual friend messaged me asking if I'd reconsider. I told her no, this baby was going to my sister."
"Em messaged me, again, and basically said it was so hard to find a White baby and practically begging to reconsider. I'm biracial, White passing."
"My sister is not. I got angry and told her I didn't want some White girl stripping another child of their culture, sent her on her way."
"It's divided our friends. Some think that she was racist, and some think she's just desperate for a baby."
"My sister says we can do what we want with the baby, but her home is always open. I think the baby should still go to my sister, but my girlfriend was really affected by Em's words and is concerned that we could be giving a young woman what she desperately wants."
"We have months to decide, but I'm torn."
"AITA?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
"Definitely NTA, babies aren't Facebook Marketplace deals, you had already decided that your sister was going to be the one to adopt the baby and that should've been the end of the conversation."
"Em is an idiot who probably shouldn't have any kids if she's worried about them not passing as White." ~ Mecha_McEhlah
"NTA if your friend thinks she's ENTITLED to someone else's baby that's not even born yet, she shouldn't have children in the first place. It's your child and your decision, but I'll advise you do not let your friend adopt this child."
"You know for a fact your sister will take care of your child, you don't know how your friend will. No one is entitled to another living being." ~ ToxicDollhouse
"OP is NTA and seems like a lovely person, and if his sister raised him, then I think the babe would be in excellent hands should she adopt them!"
"On the other hand, Em seems entitled and racist, and unlike OP's sister, OP cannot personally vouch for her parenting ability."
"Also, not to be super judgmental about age and motherhood, but she's 21!! If I were pregnant and looking into adoption, I would only consider couples that are at least late twenties. AT LEAST." ~ Upperliphair
"The decision here is what is best for this potential human you're bringing into the world."
"Is Em financially stable? Are Em and her partner in a stable relationship? Do they have any idea what having a child is going to require?"
"Most 21 year olds, in my experience, don't have a clue."
"What happens if this child ISN'T White-presenting? Or becomes less White-presenting as they grow up?"
"My sibling's eldest was Whiter than snow when they arrived - blue eyes, blond hair, the whole nine - but Parent two is part Filipino, and by the time they were two, kid 1 was presenting as quite Filipino, except for hair - they have Nana's (mine and my sibling's mom) curly hair, and a good chunk of her red is coming through too)."
"I would lay money, based on what you've said here, that no reputable adoption agency would work with them, and that? That is a MAJOR red flag."
"I know Em is playing on your GF's heartstrings, but barring some massive change, you're only ever going to make TWO decisions for this human being - to bring them into the world, and to give them the best start you can."
"Sympathy aside, Em doesn't sound like that start. NTA - but be gentle with your GF; this is hard." ~ Sashi-Dice
"As someone who became a parent at 21, you're absolutely right about them having no clue what parenting takes - at least I didn't."
"Also, I worry about what would happen if this girl adopted the baby, and then got pregnant with one of her own."
"OP, there are so many red flags with this 'friend' of yours. You're definitely NTA here." ~ cahliah
"And thinking really far into the future, if she adooted this baby and raised it. What would happen if the baby had their own baby that wasn't White passing?"
"She's already shown racist behavior, it wouldn't be surprising for her to cut off her own future grandbaby because of it." ~ FluffButt22
The OP was deemed not the a**hole by Reddit. Em's comments about needing a White baby rubbed people the wrong way.
Redditors felt the OP's decision not to give the baby to Em was for the best.
@EdwardLawrence/X
