Attitudes about sex work have definitely evolved. The shame and stigma once associated with sex work has lessened.
But just because some people recognize that sex work is work doesn't mean sex workers want the world to know their personal business.
A young college student is facing the consequences of trusting the wrong person. In the resulting fallout they're wondering if they did something wrong.
So they turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for moral guidance.
Redditor Peachykeengirl333 asked:
"AITA I told my roommate she needed to leave after she told a bunch of people I am a prostitute?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Okay, to start off I am not a prostitute. I was a sugar baby over the summer and I really liked the guy I was with."
"He helped me with my homework (college), mentored me, and honestly was a really great friend. We are still friends but the sugar baby relationship isn't ongoing."
"I had a roommate who was close with me at the time. I told her what I was doing and she got upset, saying that he was a terrible person and so was I."
"We stopped being friends but she was still my roommate. But then she started telling everyone where I went to school that I'm a prostitute."
"I was upset but I kept to myself. She also started stealing my food and she used my vibrator."
"With the vibrator thing, she didn't wash it before she used it, and it was also in the back of my closet so I assume she was going through my stuff. It also was an expensive wand, it was 120 dollars."
"She said she used it as a back massager 😂 it was also in my closet, hidden away so she was definitely going through my stuff."
"I confronted her about the stealing and she denied it. But then she invited one of her friends over at three in the morning and I woke up because they were super loud."
"They were drunk and I heard them talking sh*t about me. I came up to her door and I yelled, 'You need to find a new apartment'."
"At the time I was living with her and a friend that sided with me. She told our mutual friends about how I told her she needed to leave and that she never stole anything."
"She said I had an outburst. My other roommate and I are still close and she hates this girl as well but she thinks I should have handled it better."
"Am I the asshole for yelling at her and telling her she needed to leave?"
The OP offered a few more details.
"She did end up moving out but her friends have been harassing me through social media, even two months after this happened. It kind of makes me lose my mind."
"One of them told one of my best friends to stop talking to me, and this guy doesn't even know me. I'm kind of losing my mind."
"They made fake Instagram accounts to make fun of me. I'm starting to feel very bitter, because they don't even know me."
"My current roommate and friend called one of my harassers a c*nt, and then our mutual friend (friend of me, my roommate who is my friend, and past roommate) said that was wrong of her."
"Mind you, personally I have not called my ex-roommate or any of her friends any 'bad words'."
"Yes, being a sugar baby invokes an exchange of money, but this guy is still a close friend of mine. We video chat every couple of days and he has been a really good part of my life."
"We do care about each other a lot. It's not a purely transactional relationship."
"I am not denying that it is sex work. This is not a debate about sex work, it's about telling my personal information."
"Because she told people and didn't further elaborate about the situation, people have really jumped to conclusions."
Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
"I think she is jealous, manipulative and conniving. There was no reason for her to anything of the things she did except out of spite."
"Who the hell touches someone's vibrator? Just NO!!!" ~ raerae6672
"Nope definitely jealousy going on. Probably of your sugar baby situation."
"Maybe she tried the same and got no response but you did. Or she did and hers was a sexual situation so she was jealous that your was more of a friendship with no sex required."
"Meaning she's disgusted with herself and projecting those feelings onto you. NTA." ~ Marmenoire
"NTA. Your lifestyle is no one's business but your own."
"She knowingly spread lies about you (which could have lead to you getting called into the Dean's office or a police report being done) and then disrespected you and the other roommate in the home you share."
"She DEFINITELY needs to find a new home because she has created a toxic environment and you deserve to feel safe in your own home."
"She could have caused serious problems, a charge of prostitution is not an easy thing to get rid of and it's not even true."
"She needs to back off and worry about herself because she clearly has some other issues that she doesn't know how to handle and is lashing out like a child." ~ CareFrenchieN
"Also using someone else's sex toy (AND not washing it beforehand) ew ew ew."
"And so much harassment! Can you escalate this to your university so they can help? Because none of any of that is okay and you don't deserve any of this." ~ LadyKillerCroft
"If you're in the US and still in college you should probably report her to the Title IX office since this would fall under the umbrella they cover." ~ calloutthrowaway12
"NTA. She used your VIBRATOR."
"I tell friends that for one summer, after I graduated from grad school and was broke as hell, I 'dated for a living'. Yeah, I had a job or two, but they only covered rent and a few meals."
"The men I dated were good guys. A couple of them had money."
"I didn't sleep with them all, but one in particular helped me out with meals and fun and kindness during a hard time. We remained friends."
"Friends are friends. Your roommate is a nasty person."
"I am now a college professor—and no, none of the people I dated had anything to do with my career." ~ woolfchick75
"If they go to your school aswell, I would bring the messages up to the school. It's harassment, and declaration, I don't think they want a gang of kids doing this to other students attending their campus." ~ Mental-Nothings
"PLEASE fill out your college's report form and start the Honors System process. Report her and all of her friends."
"Bring your roommate as a witness. Gather all of your evidence and submit it."
"I work at my college's Office of the Dean of Students as a chairperson for hearings, and it is much quicker to get retribution through the Honors System than through a police report. I've definitely seen people get suspensions for less." ~ Koala_Inc
The OP returned with an update.
"Thanks for the advice. I am contacting the dean of students about the situation."
Hopefully this will offer some relief from the harassment she's been facing.