We're not going to lie to you fine folks. Things are scary right now.
We are in the midst of a pandemic, Trump slashed and continues to slash the funding for the CDC, the NSC and DHS epidemic teams were all but eliminated by the administration, Pence—who doesn't believe in science—is in charge of responding to the COVID-19 pandemic, the death toll is rising and even Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson tested positive.
It's not all doom and gloom, though.
One Twitter user has found a shining beacon of hope in these dark times and her name is Jen. She works at the CDC, wears a lanyard and has one of those faces you just know you can trust.
Also, her last name is Bornemann. J. Bornemann.
J could just as easily stand for Jason, ya know. And Bornemann? Totally Bourne.
So we're not saying Jen Bornemann was the inspiration for Jason Bourne, but we're not not saying that. It would make us feel better to know she was out there judo-chopping coronavirus into submission, though.
We don't know you, Jen, but we're all counting on you and your lanyard to save the day.
first relief I've felt on the US COVID-19 response is the CDC posting this picture from their emergency operations… https://t.co/aBZg5qtCb4— taber טבור (@taber טבור) 1583724582.0
Twitter is here for Jen and the no-nonsense fact-based approach we just know she will take on this.
@taber @CaseyNewton our lives are in her hands which are free thanks to her lanyard!— 🚀［Sᵃ,M］🚀 (@🚀［Sᵃ,M］🚀) 1583789334.0
@taber @arthur_affect Oh thank god. If she has a second set of keys carabinered to a belt loop we're gonna have a vaccine in like 48 hours— Dr Meghan "Terfs Out Of Hogwarts" Purvis (@Dr Meghan "Terfs Out Of Hogwarts" Purvis) 1583739880.0
@taber https://t.co/yutW93vXq1— Josette (@Josette) 1583781686.0
@taber She looks so goddamned capable— Passing Strange At Present (@Passing Strange At Present) 1583776314.0
@taber Does she have a clipboard? If she has her own clipboard we can put this virus TO BED.— Suzanne (@Suzanne) 1583899974.0
@taber Seattle/King County is currently the hotspot for Covid-19 in North America - but we also have a lot of lesbi… https://t.co/KOGm0Q44vv— mollytov (@mollytov) 1583814740.0
@taber Changing all my emergency contacts to her.— Juror No. 59 (@Juror No. 59) 1583802304.0
@taber I'm convinced this is the hallmark of competence. Lesbians don't have time to dick around.— ⧬🍎Eris Adderly🍎⧬ (@⧬🍎Eris Adderly🍎⧬) 1583874259.0
@taber imagine if we were all in the same room together, what a powerful energy https://t.co/jGk56YoYII— Sophie Gadd (@Sophie Gadd) 1583762312.0
The thread eventually made its way back to Jen, who chimed in to let us all know she's here for us.
And also to wash our hands.
@taber Proudly fighting the good fight with my lanyard. #WashYourHands— Jen Bornemann (@Jen Bornemann) 1583774927.0
The outpouring of love for Jen and all lesbians with lanyards was so real.
@JenBornemann @taber You are 100% my public health crush. If you end up in Seattle and King County, stop by the cal… https://t.co/stzxjJJ0Tx— Andie Lyons (@Andie Lyons) 1583982893.0
@JenBornemann @taber Thank you @JenBornemann your competence and lanyard give us all hope— Rea Carey (@Rea Carey) 1583886540.0
@JenBornemann @taber Just washed them one more time Commander Bornemann. May you never find a door that can not be… https://t.co/4vvMMANhNA— Aquilla (@Aquilla) 1583950436.0
Lesbians with lanyards might just save us all, folks. We believe in you, Jen!
Now please excuse us while we take a break to wash our hands, as Commander Bourneman recommended.