an Oh Myyy Property

Libidos lead to many of life's great mishaps. Doesn't matter the age, the idea of "getting some" can cloud your judgement and lower your inhibitions, leading to some amazing stories for people to read on the internet.

Reddit user, u/Terrazor, wanted to know about that one time you did something stupid because of your horniness when they asked: WARNING: Some stories NSFW.

What was the most stupid thing you did because you were horny?

Parking Tickets? Worth It

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My boyfriend and I were long in a long distance relationship in college. He drove his parents car to visit me and he got two $60 parking tickets in one hour on Friday night (he got the first ticket and moved the car to another illegal parking area). Because it was his parents car, they got the notices in the mail.

And his dad said "ok so obviously your blood was going somewhere besides your head last Friday evening..."

xeoph

400 Mile Drive? Worth It

Got in the car at 8PM on a Thursday night and drove 400 miles to Colorado to see a girl. Then drove back at at 3PM on Friday. Stayed up for like 30 hours total. Most of which was driving.

Still got some action though.

gmanbuilder

Procreated? Worth It

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Got married and had two kids with the worst person possible.

lacks_a_soul

Fiberglass Insulation? Worth It

Friend of mine took acid, then punched a hole in his wall and stuck his penis in It.

Jokes on him though, there was fiberglass insulation in the wall.

weak_sauce_tempt

$1000 On Porn? Worth It

Spent 20 bucks worth of bitcoin on a video because I didn't want my parents to find out (linked debit account), two weeks later bitcoin exploded. So I spent about a grand on a f-ckin video that I only watched one time...

Doomb0t1

Prom Night? Worth It

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Junior prom night, age 16-17.

I sat in my car and beat it in my girlfriend's parents driveway before going to the door to greet everyone, just in case we had sex later that night, I didn't want to disappoint.

I was paranoid that someone would look out the window and see me, so I did it really subtlety, and held my phone to my ear so it would look like I was on the phone with someone instead of just sitting in my car.

We ended up getting married, and she thinks that's the funniest story ever.

Trevor_From_Kentucky

No, Really, Paying For Porn? Worth It

Signed up for a subscription porn site because it seemed like it'd be waaaay better than the free amazing porn all over the Internet.

wilsondatgoodboi

Purchase Hot Pockets? Worth It

Heated up a hotpocket to a luke warm temperature.

You can use your imagination to fill in the blanks.

ScrunchJeans

Just A Good Ol' Fashioned Group Sesh

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Wasn't directly me, but I guess I was involved. I was a freshman in high school and part of the Methodist Youth Group. Every year we went to the "big city" about 200 miles away to go to an amusement park. Stayed in a nice hotel, etc. I don't know how the hotel was convinced to let us do this, but to save money, all the guys shared a room, and all the girls shared a room, so basically we were sleeping wherever we could. I put together a couple of chairs and slept on that. Around 2 in the morning, I'm woken up by the TV. All the other guys had decided to charge a porn movie to the room (this was the late 80s - no internet). I couldn't see anything without my glasses and decided I'd rather sleep. Their plan was to get up early and go pay for it before the chaperones were up.

You can probably guess how that went.

Busted, and we got yelled at and our parents told. Fortunately, mine believed me that all I could make out was a fuzzy image of a silver haired buxom woman on top of a guy before I went back to sleep. Now that I think about it, I hope there was no group masturbation session between the guys watching the movie...

TlalocW

Asking Your Parents For Help

I was 8 or 9 at the time when I came up with this ingenious ploy, but I am not entirely sure if it was driven by being horny. Boobs were the goal, though, so it counts—right?

Computers had really just become mainstream and my parents had just bought one. I had gotten the idea that maybe I could look at boobs online. The only issue was I did not know how to spell "naked women" at the time, but I knew who did—my mom! My 8 year old self runs to the kitchen and asks, "Mom, how do you spell naked?" and she explains it to me. I run back to the computer and type "naked", thinking I have struck gold, but I quickly realize I don't know how to spell "women." I scamper back to the kitchen and ask, "How do you spell women?" and she spells it out without skipping a beat. About the time I make it back to the computer, she yells at me and asks what am I doing. I hear her walking down the hallway towards me and I quickly close out of my search and pull up disneychannel.com and explain to her that I was playing a spelling game.

Thinking back on that experience, I was never interrogated any further on that. I'm not sure if my mother bought my story or just pretended like that never happened.

5Oh12

Ah, Man, It Ruined The Dodgeball League...

Had sex with a girl I didn't like who I was going to be living right next to for most of the next year. This was in college, she was in the same coed dorm as me. The next year was like social dodgeball until she banged one of my roommates and I figured she couldn't really get mad at me for ghosting her anymore.

There was a super awkward moment when I walked in on her and my roommate making out, we just stared at each other and he had no idea what was going on,

hackulator

Using Craigslist For What It's For

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When I was like 25 I moved to Portland from Virginia on a whim. I hadn't been laid in years and was desperate so I trolled on craigslist casual encounters (this was before tinder and all that sh-t) and sure enough I found some woman who let me come over and eat her a-- for like 30 mins. That;s all I did. I didn't enjoy it either but I was desperate. I went back a few more times as well. Show up, eat her a--hole, leave...

humblebrag

Imapirateship

Bathroom Fun

So I ended up having sex in a public library restroom. She decided we'd do it in the women's restroom and once we were finished the walked out and a lady walked in. So for some reason, I acted like I was disabled and then ran after "my carer"

inidooH

Quick, Before Your Family Gets Back?

Probably not the MOST stupid but I was getting home from a trip with my family at the time. We stopped at a gas station like an hour or two away from our house at about 1:30 am. I cranked one out as fast as possible in the car while they were in the gas station

Markers_hill

Breaking Not Just One Law

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When I was 15 I was in a rush to lose my virginity. Not much more needs to be said but I'll continue. My girlfriend had hit me with the "I'm home alone" so without a license I drove my car over to her house. Figured in case things got boring I could trust the good ok skyf vodka so I had that in the trunk of my brothers car. Then 45 mins later I got to her house got super drunk and had sex.

I then realized the time and that I had to be home soon so I drove 45 mins drunk as f-ck back to my house. I broke 3 pretty strict laws in a matter of hours and could [sic] have gotten seriously injured on the way back just to lose my virginity to a woman that ended up being one of the worst mistakes of my life.

thetresking

As Long As Her Mother Knows?

This one is not from me, but my girlfriend. Once when she was younger she used a rock to masturbate with it.

She ended up getting it stuck up there, but it eventually came out when she used the bathroom. Her mom still jokes about it

Melonbark

List 'Em Out!

Oh God I have many....

Sex on the dance floor. This was at 1:30am so club was packed.

Sex in the women's restroom of a shot bar.

Sex in a study room. There was a window in the door so you could clearly see inside.

Sex in a freshman corpse dorm. A little context of this, freshman are required to keep their doors unlocked. Anyone can walk in. And if you're caught having sex, it's a huge no no.

Sex in a car multiple times.

Masturbating with a vacuum cleaner.

Masturbating with hand sanitizer.

Masturbating while driving.

Sex while driving. A lot easier than it sounds.

Driving 3 hrs for mediocre sex.

tron1620

Bullets Flying At You? Worth It

Rubbed one out during a firefight in Iraq.

moneycomet

Can I get more details on this one?

Tr3llis

Most firefights are quick but some can last a long time. Particularly when you are pinned down. After hours on edge you need to stay awake somehow. So sometimes you gotta stroke the battle horn.

moneycomet

Finding Out Your Sexual Preferences? Worth It

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Flew 1200 miles to go see my girlfriend of 6 years who I found out had been cheating on me for 3 months. She basically said "yeah oh well". Instead of leaving, I went down on her and had sex with her.

Then I felt dirty and used and disgusted and pretty sh-tty on the flight back.

Then I realized I have a thing for being dominated.

Now I spend a large chunk of my paychecks for dominatrixes.

my_shirt

H/T: Reddit


popular

People Open Up About Their Strange Addictions, And We're Shook

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Addiction makes you do strange things...

Addictions are dangerous. It takes a hold of your life and strangles it. It festers slowly and disintegrates your world. Well most of them do. We all have behavioral addictions that often become a quirky character trait. Sometimes it can actually be cute. Well certain behaviors within reason that is. Some can be downright annoying and fodder for the therapist.

Redditor u/milanamilana asked people to divulge a few things, asking... What's your "strange addiction"?

Ah the cones...

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When I am out walking in wooded areas I spend a lot of time trying to find pine cones to stand on.

I do it because when you find a suitably dry one it feels amazing and sounds so good. Do it. Tends to work best if they are stood upright. wewannagetloaded

The sound of music...

I will listen to music for hours on end while walking around a room, imagining various stories and scenarios. Glissando365

I do that constantly. It doesn't interfere with my life but I love coming up with all kinds of stories and dropping myself into them. ParsnipPizza2

Flesh eater.

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Chewing the inside of my mouth. classik_e

My 30 year old sister has done this her whole life, and I have never seen or met anyone else that does it as noticeably as her. She'll take the second knuckle of her index finger and push her cheek in so she can chew on it. She's gotten better about not doing it as often. I've never asked her why she does it. yolkfacekilla

Daydream Believer. 

I'm not sure how common this is but shopping for million dollar penthouses and yachts that I will never be able to afford. I just like to dream I guess. ShellSwitch

I do this a ton, it's my night time wind down in bed activity to look at /r/roomporn and imagine myself as the buyer. What I would change, what I like etc etc. ExeterMegaladon

Yuck! 

This is so gross but I am addicted to picking. Pimples, dry skin, scabs, anything pick-able I will dig at it till I bleed. No I am not on drugs. It's so bad that I am contemplating hypnosis. Annon8765

I'm so hangry!

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Going through the kitchen in search of food, giving up, then lowering my standards and looking again. bibi-chocobun

I do this ALL THE TIME!!!!

I open the fridge, look around, take a mental note of what is there and close the doors and walk away. an hour later i come back and open the fridge, look around and think of what i might want... as if my stomach wants it, but my brain says no. tunersharkbitten

Look at the people...

Analyzing other people when I'm out in public. I enjoy trying to figure out who they are just by what I see. DARKcsb

I like doing this with my mom.

We would guess "who went with who" at the food court in the mall when I was growing up. We would look at people with their trays of food and try to guess who their significant other was waiting at the table.

My mom was almost always right. It's a fond memory :) girlroseghost

Staying mute...

I'm addicted to avoiding phone calls. QiNavigator

I purposefully reply to texts with at least hour delay so it's not fishy that I am never able to accept any calls.OresteiaCzech

I found a reality series...

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Donating sperm to lesbians.

I started off donating to some friends then they began recommending me to other lesbians through a FB group.

It's so rewarding and I've fathered 7 so far. Socialist7

Thank you for reading! 

Reading creepy stories on Reddit, which I guess isn't that strange. Alec122

And then regretting it when you try to sleep? Because that's what I do. CautiousMusic

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If you talk to anyone studying English as a second language, they'll tell you how hard it is to learn. If you grew up speaking English as your only language, it probably doesn't seem that difficult; but as a bilingual native English speaker who learned a second language later in life I can tell you, English is WEIRD!

English has so many inconsistencies in spelling, pronunciation, verb conjugation...don't get me started. American English, UK English, and Australian English all spell things differently and the same word can have completely different meanings or connotations.

It wasn't until my freshman year of high school when I started learning Japanese, in which a word is always pronounced exactly like it looks like it should be, that I gained a real understanding of how hard English would be for someone to try to learn as a second language. Even as a native speaker who loves the English language and writes for a living, I sometimes struggle with its many homophones (there, their, and they're, for example) and grammatical inconsistencies. Even our mnemonics that are taught in school to help remember these differences don't always hold true. "I before E, except after C" is something most American children are taught in elementary school, but what about neighbor, weight, and veil?

Redditor STUDkatz asked:

What's something weird about English (or another language) that native speakers don't think about?

Below, you'll find an assortment of the weird quirks of the language that you've probably never thought about.

My Brain Hurts

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English might be difficult. It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.

-SpeeeeedBoost

It's Right, But Why?

A native speaker has a knowledge of implicit grammar (through learning naturally as a child) that would require an adult years to study and review.

You're spewing out the correct answer but god help you if someone asks you to show your work.

-BaanThai

I am an editor and I still sometimes have trouble when asked why something should be a certain way. I just KNOW it's wrong (or correct) and I can't always explain why.

-Lil-Maece

It took until i was 16 to realize there's actually a rule to figure out if you should use a or an... Before that (and admittedly since) I was just going with the one that didn't sound dumb out loud

-booneruni

Unnecessary Combination

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People assume a lot of silly things, such as words that can be combined always are.

Examples: "Yeah I maybe doing that later." or "I do that everyday."

I want to punch myself for writing that.

-PM_ME_A_PLANE_TICKET

Running A Bit Long

Run has hundreds of uses (forms). Last I checked it was a little over 250. You run a program, you run over toads in your car, the chicken run has a duck in it, The ads run too long on the TV, you run out of toilet paper, you run down to the shop in the car, you run up a bill at the shop after the assistant gave you the run around. You run into a friend but you have to run home as you had the runs and something was running down your leg. You run to the toilet but you run into a problem. Your kid is running a lemonade stand in the doorway. You're now running a little brown cable along your path. You hope nobody takes a picture and runs it in the paper as you are running for office. Your stance is against gun runners but you're hauling a little brown nuke right now. I've run out but there's more.

-PapaOoMaoMao

Sometimes The Joke Is In The Translation

Pakistani urdu-english speaker, there are a LOT of words that are absolutely hilarious when taken in the context of english but my 2 favorite have to be which is a letter in the urdu alphabet and is pronounced exactly like "Meme" and another which is a punjabi name which is literally spelled and pronounced "Butt", there is also a national level bakery brand called "Butt"

Urdu is a great language

-Theodoric___

Strength Or Weakness?

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There is a common nine letter word with only a single vowel in English.

That word is "strengths".

-Wobbles42

Ordered Descriptors

Adjectives have a specific order they are supposed to be arranged. For example, you would never say the green large five dragons. You would say the five large green dragons. The order that English typically follows for adjectives is:

1. Quantity or number

2. Quality or opinion

3. Size

4. Age

5. Shape

6. Color

7. Proper adjective

8. Purpose or qualifier

-TinkerTailorSoldjur

Rhymes with Confusion

Read and lead rhyme and so do read and lead, but read and lead don't rhyme and neither do read and lead.

-LinnyFlower

About Time You Realized It

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I never really appreciated the word "about" until I started learning French and realized there are about a couple dozen different words you have to learn about where in English we would just say "about." It's just about one of the most versatile and useful words we have.

-schnit123

Confusing Combos

Native English speaker here.

How irritatingly complex and nuanced English (and other Germanic languages) verbs are for having tons of common verbs that change meaning completely or only subtly with one flip of a preposition and sometimes even more so by stacking a few more on.

Put + on, in, out, off, toward, into, forth, away, up, up with, down, past

Set + on, off, out, in, up, down

Run + off, on, out, into, away, up, down, over, at, through

Take + on, out, in, away, up, over, off

Break + in, out, up, down, up with, into, out of away

Give + up, out, away, in, out

Get + on, in, out, up, down, away, away with, along, by, back, through, across, over, into, at

Work + up, up to, out, through

Come + in, out, by, across, through, over, at

Do + in, away with, over, up

Hang + up, in, out, out with, over, with, off, back

Then ones where the options are fewer, they're either somewhat related or *not at all*.

Chat vs chat someone up.

Make something up vs make out.

This list isn't exhaustive because I got tired of thinking but I've heard many a friend moan and groan about how every combination seems like a whole new word or phrase to memorize. That even if it looks familiar, they can't trust it. Most other languages just have a unique word for each idea or at least morphology that is somehow linked. Work + through makes sense in that it implies you're belaboring or in the midst of resolving something (imagine pushing *through* something). So some make at least a little logical sense. Put + up + with has no clue in it that it means to endure or tolerate. Come + over is just like "went from toward me above something?"

Set + off (an alarm) makes no sense at all. Isn't it actually going *on*?

Break + in (to use a new item for the first time, implying the start of the process of making it yours) — just "breaking" your boots is bad but if you do it on the inside, it's desired?

Give + out as in, "my car's engine gave out." (went kaput) Did it hand you a piece of candy?

If repeating doing something is "doing something over," then what do these mean:

"coming over"

"handing over"

"taking over"

"getting over"

At least in languages like Spanish that are better stocked in the logic department, these all are treated as different ideas that they are.

Venir a visitar

Entregar

Encargarse de

Superar

EDIT: Spelling mistakes and additional examples.

-stanographer

H/T: Reddit

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