Redditor destinedspoon asked:
"AITA for saying people without kids can also get tired?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"This is probably really stupid. I really don't think I'm the [a**hole] here but my friends are split...unsurprisingly pretty evenly along lines of who has kids and who doesn't."
"Basically I have a really demanding job. I work long hours, never really get to turn off, and have a crap contract which means unemployment is always looming."
"Sometimes I make it to the end of the week and I can barely keep my eyes open. There are weeks during busy periods where I barely get to see my partner, let alone my friends."
"Long story short, sometimes I'm just really, really tired."
"Recently I was hanging out with some friends and mentioned that I was struggling a bit at the moment because it's a particularly busy time at work. I said I was excited for a day off and a lie in because I was bone tired."
"About 3 of my friends (all mothers of kids under 6) laughed and said I didn't 'understand the meaning of tired' because I don't have children. One of them said a week in my life would be like a holiday for them and that I shouldn't complain because childless people have it so easy."
"They just went on and on, telling me how hard it is to have kids and that when I 'grow up' and have a family I'll realise how stupid I sound.
So, I got kinda pissed."
"I told them they didn't have a monopoly on being tired and that they have no idea what my life is like. I told them if it's so damn hard to have kids maybe they shouldn't have kept having them."
"I also told them it was sh*tty to talk down to people who have made different choices to them. I understood being tired just fine thanks very much, and that having kids is not something that means you deserve a frigging medal."
"It was awkward, people left. One of the mothers messaged me later to say I was unfair and that one day I'd understand and feel bad and that I should apologise."
"She said she felt I was being unsympathetic to people with kids by 'playing down their experiences'. I told her she was being patronising as hell and to leave me to sleep."
"All the parents in our group are now texting me telling me I'm in the wrong, but all the childless ones are saying I'm [Not The A**hole]."
"Am I the a**hole for saying I understand what real tiredness feels like even though I don't have kids?"
Redditors were asked to pronounce judgment by voting:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The vote wasn't close at all with people deciding the OP was not the a**hole.
"NTA - I have a serious chronic illness that is incredibly painful at times. You know what I say when people complain to me about having a cold?"
"I don't say, 'You don't know what feeling bad is. Having a cold would be a vacation compared to what I go through'."
"I say, 'Having a cold sucks. I hope you feel better soon'. Because it's not a damn contest." ~ Cleromanticon
"I'm pretty sure back in the day when we all lived in caves, Og griped to Ogma that she didn't know what tired was until she chased a mammoth into the ground endurance-hunting, and Ogma told Og to STFU because she was breast feeding a 7 year old with a full set of teeth."
"And they both got pissed and Og slept on the other side of the fire for a few days.
It's just a part of the human condition to compete on who is suffering the worst."
"...Also, it's incredibly annoying. Whether it's who's servant mixed up the strawberry fork with the ice cream fork, or cancer vs. MS, we all suffer."
"A bit of compassion goes a long way."
"And obviously, OP, NTA and your friends are being twerps." ~ underpantsbandit
"So much this! Everyone is allowed to be tired, to be in pain, be sick, be miserable, whatever.
"What might barely be a ripple in a pond to someone (i.e. a cold for someone with chronic pain) might be a tidal wave for someone else (i.e. someone with a compromised immune system who knows that getting a cold can become something much worse)."
"It's not a game of who can one up another person, although a lot of people seem to forget this."
"Also, OP you're NTA." ~ Glitter_Voldemort
"NTA - mostly for the comment about 'growing up and having a family'."
"Not everyone wants or can have a family! Telling someone they're childish or not an adult because they don't have a kid is dumb and I'm tired of hearing it." ~ TandyAngie
"This is probably the most infuriating thing I've heard as a childfree person. Like apparently everything I've done in my life as an adult (and even teen) is worthless cause I'm not a parent of a child I don't want."
"My dad has also tacked on 'needing responsibility' to that type of comment, even though he played babysitter while I grew up. Pisses me off to no end." ~ JustMeSunshine91
"NTA. Argh, this kind of thing 'They laughed and said I didn't "understand the meaning of tired" because I don't have children' makes me so ragey."
"Parents do not have a f'king monopoly on being tired."
"Students are tired. Working people are tired. People with physical or mental ailments are tired. Caregivers are tired."
"It is not unique to parents, and it's so incredibly obnoxious of people to act like that. (For what it's worth, my husband got deployed when I had a full-time job, a 3 year old, and a premature baby, and your friends are patronizing f'kwads and you may quote me to them.)"
"These gatekeepers who always have to have a gold medal in the misery Olympics always conveniently ignore that there are lots of people way more tired/stressed/worried, whatever than they are, too." ~ sqibbery
"'She said she felt I was being unsympathetic to people with kids by "playing down their experiences"'."
"LOL she did the same with OP by playing down how tired she was."
"I'm a mom and I'd have to have no respect at all for a friend to speak like that to them. OP sounds like she needs new friends."
"Even between parents, some moms make EVERYTHING a competition, and it's so stupid. It's why I'm not friends with other moms anymore lol." ~ Loveofallsheep
The OP returned with a final comment.
"Just for the record parents of Reddit, I respect you a lot for managing to survive while keeping a whole other person/set of people alive. It sounds like a lot of hard work."
"I'm glad most of you seem to appreciate that you probably don't get exclusive rights to exhaustion though."
"Everyone in the comments seems very tired. I feel you, it sucks."
"Here's hoping we all get some good rest soon."