New York Veteran Comes Out As Gay In Heartbreaking Obituary: 'I'll Forever Rest In Peace'

A New York veteran, Col. Edward Thomas Ryan, has posthumously revealed a significant part of his life to his loved one: He was gay.

In his obituary, published on Saturday, June 8, in the Albany Times Union, Ryan disclosed:

"I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life."

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Ryan shared that he had been "in a loving and caring relationship" with Paul Cavagnaro, whom he called "the love of my life." He fondly remembered their 25 years together and noted that Cavagnaro had passed away in 1994 due to "a medical procedure gone wrong." The couple will be buried together.

Explaining why he kept his sexuality a secret, Ryan expressed regret for not having the courage to come out earlier:

"I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace."

Many were touched by Ryan's reveal and paid tribute to his life.

Ryan's obituary also highlighted his distinguished career, including his service with the Army’s 10th Brigade and his role as a retired fireman in Rensselaer. He was also one of the owners and founders of the radio station WHRL-FM in Albany.

His military accolades included the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Liberty Medal for his participation in the state's response following the September 11, 2001, attacks.

His obituary reads in part:

"Also, among his many talents, Mr. Ryan was a Chef at the East Greenbush, American Legion Post #1231. Mr. Ryan had a Bachelor of Arts degree in Business from North American University and a Bachelor of Science degree from SCU. He was a member of the International Association of Fire Fighters."

"He was a life member of the Vietnam Veterans of America, Past N.Y.S. Chairman of the Vietnam Veterans/Agent Orange Committee for the American Legion, a Past commander of Melvin Roads POST 1231, American Legion in East Greenbush, N.Y., Life member and Past Grand Knight of Rensselaer Knights of Columbus, and member of the BPOE and the Veterans of Foreign Wars POST# 7378, both in East Greenbush, N.Y."

"He was a retired Colonel with the 10th Brigade, located on South Lake Ave, N.Y.C. A few of Colonel Ryan's awards, decorations and commendations include: The National Defense Service Medal, Defense of Liberty Medal 'For participation to the State following the attack on America, 11 September 2001.'"

"He also received a citation by the direction of the Governor of the State of New York, and "The Conspicuous Service Medal" the citation reads in part, 'Col Ryan's Loyalty, Diligence and Devotion to Duty were in keeping with the highest traditions of the Military Service and a long and distinguished Military career which reflect great credit upon himself and the State of New York.' From the division of Military and Naval affairs, he received the "Commanders Citation" for "Service Above and Beyond the Call...."

Ryan’s body will be donated to science through the Anatomical Gift Program at Albany Medical College.

After the medical students have completed their studies, his body will be cremated and his ashes will be returned to his loved ones. He will ultimately be buried in Kinderhook, N.Y., alongside Cavagnaro. The obituary specified that the funeral will be a private family affair with no memorial services.

Ryan is survived by five siblings and 14 nieces and nephews.

For much of Ryan's career, same-sex relationships were grounds for discharge from the military. This stance was explicitly enforced from 1982 until the Clinton administration implemented the controversial “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in 1994.

His death coincides with Pride Month, a celebration of LGBTQ+ solidarity and identity as resistance to discrimination and violence.