The holiday season is upon us, and the pressure is on us to plan all the meals, gifts, cooking and baking, visits and traveling.
Statistically, most of that emotional labor falls on the primary women in the family, namely wives and mothers.
Ironically, they're often forgotten and short-changed when it comes to receiving gifts and other pleasantries around the holidays.
TikToker Howie of @howies_everythingclub pointed out this phenomenon back in 2022, stating that most (not all) men do not fill Christmas stockings for their wives or the mothers of their children.
He found this to be such a problem that he posted about it again this year, and the response has been as big as ever.
Not only does the TikToker point out that this is a problem, but he shares ways to amend it, and the responses in the comments section are always heartbreaking.
In the original video, Howie shared the keys to easy—but still thoughtful and personal—gift ideas for anyone's stockings.
"So here's what you're going to do: You're going to fill your partner's stocking."
"You may be saying, 'I've never done this before. How do I do it?' It's easy."
"Go through your shower and medicine cabinets, and find stuff that's consumable that they use a lot. Find the ones where they're running low, and then replace a bunch of it."
At a later date, Howie specified that this should be specialty or luxury items. Items like soap and shampoo that a person needs to use all the time should be refilled on the grocery shopping list, not in the Christmas stocking. Specialty items, though, like high-end makeup or a new brush set they think their partner would love, would count.
"Get a bunch of treats that they like, that's an easy one, and then get a couple of small gifts that you found online that you think they would like."
Howie gave examples from his own life, like buying his wife novelty earrings of things that she enjoyed, or his wife buying him supplies for his hobbies, like yoyos and listening to records.
You can watch the original video, which Howie posted in 2022 and 2023, here:
In his latest video on the subject, Howie dove deeper into what he believes counts as thoughtful gift-giving and gave suggestions to those who were feeling stuck on what to buy.
"The secret to true gift giving isn't 'I got you gift.' It isn't 'it's the thought that counts.' It isn't even 'how much I spent on you.'"
"The secret to true gift giving is, 'I see you. I see you as a fully formed, complicated person, and I celebrate all of those nuances about you.'"
You can watch that video here:
A heartbreaking number of women came forward to confirm that this was true in their homes.
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Some adult children confided that they had even picked up the slack for their fathers.
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A few women came forward with different stories and reassured others that they deserved better.
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A lot of people also referenced a Saturday Night Live ( SNL) skit that parodied Christmas morning. In it, the children and father receive countless gifts, while the mother only receives a robe, which turns out to have been on sale.
To make matters worse, when the family turns to their stockings, each stocking is overflowing, but the mother's stocking is empty. And though there are still many presents under the tree, they're all for the family dog, including a dog-sized robe.
There is nothing else for the mom except cooking breakfast, burning her hand on the oven, and "keeping the pain inside [her]," all before having to participate in a family photo she isn't interested in.
A narrator advised at the end of the skit:
"Your mom does everything for your family. This year, get her more than one present. Moms like stuff, too."
You can watch the skit here:
Christmas Morning - SNLyoutu.be
In reaction to the comments who referenced this skit, Howie wholeheartedly agreed.
Though every family and household is different, it's overwhelmingly common for women and mothers to handle the emotional labor, including household chores, meal planning, doing the shopping, and of course making each holiday as perfect, memorable and Instagram-worthy as possible.
Because they carry most of the burden for the household, the rest of the family seems to forget or not care that gestures for her should not be on her list of duties—but it's clear it's far more of a problem than people would care to admit.