Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

'The Late Show' Took Us Inside Ted Cruz's Head During His Awkwardly Long Debate Pause πŸ˜‚

'The Late Show' Took Us Inside Ted Cruz's Head During His Awkwardly Long Debate Pause πŸ˜‚
YouTube/GlobalNews.ca

As we all know, no one, including Ted Cruz himself, can confirm that Ted Cruz is even human, and strange apparitions on the internet seem to lend credence to the theory that he is, in fact, a robot.


So it's not a surprise that, during a recent televised debate against his midterm election opponent Beto O'Rourke, Ted Cruz descended into an impenetrable silence when asked a personal, human-centered question on live television.

The query was simple: tell us something non-political about yourself that will give Texans an insight into who you are as a person. Easy!

For me, it'd be like, "The other night I cried actual tears at an episode of Real Housewives of New York while eating an entire plate of pizza rolls." That tells you everything you need to know about me, which is that I am emotionally unstable and unfit for office. Done and done!

Wasn't quite so cut-and-dry for ol' Ted...

YouTube


Yikes. One can't help but wonder what possibly could have been going through his circuits head that caused such a pregnant pause.

Luckily, The Late Show has posited a theory and, well... it's perfect!



I mean, it checks out! It's not like someone could come open the panel in his back and hit ctrl-alt-del. It was live television! Mystery solved, as far as I'm concerned.

I kid, I kid! Of course Ted Cruz isn't a robot.

Everyone knows he's the Zodiac Killer and also one of the conspirators in the JFK assassination, all of whom were definitely human, as folks on the internet were quick to point out:






Though he might also be a reptile--who's to say?


Robot, serial killer, reptile, or otherwise, internet folk were delighted by the opportunity to laugh at Cruz's expense:





twitter.com

And came up with some theories of their own:




I've thought a lot about it and I think this last one just might be the answer. Now do robot reptiles eat Subway? THAT is the real question...

H/T HuffingtonPost, Daily Dot

More from Trending/funny-news

Kamala Harris; Taylor Swift; Donald Trump
Jemal Countess/Getty Images for Congressional Black Caucus Foundation; Jamie McCarthy/WireImage; Win McNamee/Getty Images

Harris Campaign Releases Epic 'Taylor's Version' Response To Trump's 'I Hate Taylor Swift' Post

After former President Donald Trump shared his disdain for pop star Taylor Swift in a post on Truth Social, Vice President Kamala Harris's campaign released a statement calling him the "smallest man who ever lived" in addition to many other Swift lyric references.

Trump's fury and the Harris campaign's response came days after Swift endorsed Harrisβ€”a major development because Swift has used her massive profile to encourage young voters to participate in the electoral process, efforts that have been recognized by political scientists as having a significant impact on key races.

Keep ReadingShow less
Nathan Clark; Donald Trump
City of Springfield; Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Ohio Dad Whose Son Was Killed In Crash Slams Trump And Vance For Using Him As 'Political Tool'

The Republicans' latest political gambit is to fear-monger about a supposed influx of nefarious Haitian immigrants who are terrorizing the town of Springfield, Ohio, a claim for which there is vanishingly little evidence.

That hasn't stopped them from repeating the claims ad nauseumβ€”and even going so low as to use the tragic accidental death of an 11-year-old boy, Aiden Clark, as part of their anti-immigration rhetoric.

Keep ReadingShow less
A young woman leaning against the window
woman sitting on floor near window
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

People Break Down The Moments They Thought 'So That's Why You're Single'

In every friend group, whether by chance or cosmic power, there seems always to be at least one eternally single friend.

In some cases, this is by choice, as there are indeed admirably independent people out there who like to live their lives their own way and don't want to feel beholden to others.

Keep ReadingShow less
person counting dollar banknotes
Alexander Grey on Unsplash

People Explain Which Adult They Were Not Prepared For

At my high school back in the 1980s, seniors could take a home ec class called Independent Living.

We learned skills like how to create a household budget, fill out a check and balance a checkbook, cook healthy meals, sew following a pattern, change a tire, check your oil and other fluids in your vehicle, plant a garden, can and freeze foods, file taxes, and many other skills we'd need as adults.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshots from @DrSermedMezher's TikTok video
@DrSermedMezher/TikTok

Doctor Warns Why You Shouldn't Make Your Bed First Thing In The Morning In Eye-Opening TikTok

In the last few years, especially since the pandemic, self-care and positive home routines have been all the rage, with one of the leading tasks being making your bed every morning.

Even popular podcaster and motivational speaker Mel Robbins has pointed out the importance of making your bed every morning to get yourself into the right mindset and to give yourself a quick win for the day.

Keep ReadingShow less