Reddit user gfbrodilemma asked r/AmITheA**hole for some help determining who wronged whom in a recent disagreement with his girlfriend.
Redditors quickly determined that gfbrodilemma was definitely not the guilty party, and had plenty to say about his girlfriend.
Gfbrodilemma asked his question in a way that might make it seem like he was wrong, but further details quickly disprove that.
The context really puts this initial question into perspective.
"For context, I'm a 25 year old guy, my girlfriend is a 28 year old woman, my brother is a 16 year old guy."
"Basically, my parents are d*cks. They've always been more concerned with what the neighbors might think above all else and their relationships to my siblings and I definitely suffered for it. We weren't mistreated per se, but there was definitely tension if we didn't fit their standards exactly."
It seems like his little brother was destined to fail to live up to these ridiculous standards.
"My little brother, who is the youngest, suffers particularly badly with these. He's kind of goth/punk and our parents don't really approve of his fashion choices, which they fight about a lot. He's also gay, which is a weird point of contention."
Add in some self-serving fake LGBTQ+ acceptance and it's a recipe for disaster.
"Our parents are very much 'we have no problem with gays, we just think they should keep it behind closed doors' kind of homophobes, and they basically refuse to acknowledge or accept that my brother is gay. However, he recently got a boyfriend, which obviously makes that harder for them to do and it's been causing a lot more fights in the house."
The disaster came when their parents cared more about their neighbor's opinion than their son's safety and happiness.
"Anyway, last night my brother calls me absolutely crying his eyes out. I guess he and dad got into it because a nosy neighbor saw my brother kissing his boyfriend when his bf dropped him off at home and made a sh*tty comment to our parents."
"Fight culminated in Dad basically telling him to get out of the house. He asks if he can come stay at mine, and I say of course he can, I'll make up the guest room for him rn."
His girlfriend's entitlement brought about another disaster.
"This is where the problem happens; my girlfriend was also spending the night last night. She's mostly great, but she hates children to the point where she refuses to spend an extended period of time with anyone under the age of 20 if it can be avoided."
A hurt and confused teen is not a child, and it's not like he was invited to stay just for fun, but that didn't seem to matter.
"My brother is included in this. She immediately began complaining that I didn't consult her first, and asked if my brother couldn't stay at his boyfriend's place instead, or just apologize to dad and go home. I said no, he's asked to stay here, he's upset and he's my baby brother, so he's coming to stay here."
Then came the ultimatum, which backfired spectacularly.
"Girlfriend took the huff and basically said if he comes over to stay she's going home. I said 'alright see you then'. She just looked at me all shocked, then stormed out without saying anything."
This wasn't the end though, far from it.
"She later sent me a flurry of texts telling me what an inconsiderate, selfish, bad boyfriend I am (as did her flatmate), and is now refusing to speak to me."
"Did I do the wrong thing?"
Redditors not only assured gfbrodilemma that he did the right thing, they also gave him some pretty important things to think about moving forward.
"You absolutely did NOT do anything wrong. As someone that went through your brother's experience first hand once upon a time, I wish I had a family member that would have supported me. If your girlfriend doesn't understand what a tense time this is for your brother, she's not going to mesh with your family in the future either. You are NTA." -meticulousmellophone
"Ironically enough my parents love her lol maybe that should be a red flag in and of itself." -gfbrodilemma
"NTA. Your girlfriend seems super immature imo. A member of your family is in a bad spot and she gave you an ultimatum about him or her? That's rotten." -jobelyyy
"NTA. She thinks you're inconsiderate and selfish because your brother got kicked out and need a place to stay? Red flags. Plenty of fish in the sea." -DBLJ33
Gfbrodilemma appreciated the advice and reassurance.
"Everyone is being so kind to me wtf you guys are lovely. Also my brother informs me this made it to Twitter, so hello lovely Twitter people too lol."
"These comments have given me a lot to think about. Tbh, my girlfriend has been a little bit childish from the get go, but it was never to the point of being an issue. She's the only child of parents who are absolutely "f**k you" rich and is a self described "princess" who is very used to getting her own way."
"We've been together five months so far and she's super clever and a really, really good laugh most of the time, plus she's one of the only people I know who is into weird foreign horror films like I am (I know, I know, middle class English white boy into foreign films, don't worry, I am aware that I'm the worst) so I've always kind of put up with her being a bit of brat cause she's fun."
"However, this whole event (with the help of some of the comments here) has helped me to put a lot of the things she's done and said thus far into perspective."
"I've come to the recollection that despite being funny and clever and as much of a pretentious hipster sh*t as I am, she's just not really a very nice person."
"I'm going to give her some time to cool off and then try to talk to her. I'm going to explain that my brother is my best friend, he's important to me and she can't expect that to change just because she has some vendetta against kids."
"I'm also going to try to discuss her general attitude with her, see if there's any kind of underlying problem and what I can do to help if there is. I'm very cognizant of the fact that it's likely to end in a breakup but honestly, at this point, if she isn't willing to change then I don't think I'm missing much."
"Have a cracking night you lot and thanks again for being sweet."
It sounds like his head and heart are both in the right place.