A 24-year-old nurse just moved in with her 25-year-old boyfriend who works at a department store. What should have been an exciting new chapter turned out to be anything but harmonious.
After seven years of dating, the young woman just discovered the boyfriend had a problematic hygiene regimen.
Considering her contribution of keeping their home clean, the Original Poster (OP) thought that maintaining good hygiene was not too much to ask of him.
"I do a lot of the house cleaning and only ask for him to be hygienic and shower before he climbs into bed."
"However, some days he refuses to shower after work. I think it's gross because we share the same bed and I don't want to sleep in a bed that he has laid in after sweating all day."
For context, the OP recalled her boyfriend's recent unclean moment.
"He sent me a picture of him fully covered in white, powdery material he was lifting and stocking while he was at work. After work, he came home, changed his clothing, and climbed into bed."
"I got annoyed and asked if he could take shower since he got really dirty today. He said no, and that I should get used to him not showering after work sometimes."
The argument that followed escalated with neither one backing down on their stance.
"I told him that I would rather him not climb into our bed if he's been sweating all day at work and that I always make sure to shower after work, so it's not like I'm being unfair."
"He told me that I can't compare my work to his, and that his job is more physically demanding than mine so he is more exhausted than I will ever be."
A dark cloud hovered over their new living situation.
"I told him he shouldn't compare our jobs because they're both equally exhausting, and if he wanted to act like he doesn't share anything with anyone, then we shouldn't live together."
"I also reminded him that he had told me he would shower before getting in bed after working out or work BEFORE we had moved in together. He told me to f'k off and is now ignoring me."
People moving in together for the first time is a litmus test for compatibility.
So far, this couple showed signs of failure, especially after the OP realized that her boyfriend was not a huge proponent of soap.
"I'm frustrated because he also gets mad at me when I call him out for not washing his hands after using the restroom. He claims that it's not necessary if he's at home—only in public."
"AITA for expecting my partner to be hygienic??? He makes me feel like I'm being extremely anal about this, but I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want to sleep in a bed that doesn't smell like sweat."
Redditors were not fans of the boyfriend.
"Imagine ANYONE telling a NURSE of all things that their job is less physically demanding than retail. What an a**hole." – Lezbean69
The OP added that the boyfriend's argument of exhaustion was irrelevant to the issue.
"He thinks it's different because I'm not lifting things eight hours straight like he does."
"While that's true, I think everyone has their own tolerance to exhaustion and if you're tired, you're tired."
"There shouldn't be any comparison on who's more tired than who in my opinion."
This user supported the work of the OP and slammed her man for attempting to draw a comparison.
"And you think running around a hospital and staying on your feet for 12 hours isn't physically demanding?"
"We shouldn't be comparing anyone's jobs, they're all needed to society to function and measuring which one's harder is a pisstake to begin with but I don't think someone who works retail compares even a little bit to the strain of being a literal f'king nurse."
"I stocked shelves before. My mom was a nurse. Firsthand, he does not have it nearly as hard and even if he did, you respect shared spaces. If he's too tired to shower he can go take his bum ass to the couch and sleep there." – Akiyuu
If the boyfriend wanted a discussion about which job was more exhausting, Redditors with firsthand knowledge gave plenty of valid points to challenge his weak stance.
"Have you seen a nurse working! It's physically demanding, they don't stop, they never sit up, they do everything and anything."
"It's no just emotional, it's a physical demanding job, and OP said that she's in charge of the house too." – pioroa
"I'm sorry but I work as a nurse and I'm constantly bending down, leaning over and picking up equipment off the ground."
"I also constantly help patients sit and stand up, pull them up in the bed, push heavy people in wheelchairs, etc. I'm constantly on my feet for 12-15 hours a day, minimum of 5 or 6 miles a day."
"Being a nurse is so exhausting not only physically but emotionally because on top of all that running around, I gotta deal with sick, upset and scared humans who take it out on me all the while maintaining my composure when sh*t hits the fan so I can save someone's life."
"Also when someone sweats, it smells bad. He needs to take a shower whether he is covered in snot and piss or sweat and sawdust." – kayhd33
This user certainly offered a mouthful.
"Male nurse here, I've done warehouse and everything in between."
"Nursing is THE HARDEST JOB I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE, not even close, no question."
"Tell old boy I said he can eat an overworked nurse d*ck." – level 39-lives-Fritz
"I worked in a 'home department store' for like 3-4 years, in the most physically demanding department at that."
"I showered after every shift. You get sweaty as f'k and all the concrete and drywall and all the other mixes of powders and chemicals you get on yourself, there was not a single day that I felt I didn't absolutely need a shower after."
"Also I've never done it but I'm sure nursing can be more tolling both mentally and physically than a home department store job at any position. NTA [Not the A**hole]"
"Also if your boyfriend works in a home department store (Lowe's, Home Depot, etc.), there's like a 98% chance there's forklifts to be moving the majority of the 'heavy things' he's talking about. Which just makes him sound even lazier. Plus a shower takes like 5 minutes unless you're doing something wrong." – bigtuna-lilplop
"I lift heavy things for 12 hours straight and manage to shower every day when I get home."
"Tell Captain Coronavirus to take a shower and wash his f'king hands." – CCAWT
Here is a possible incentive for showering.
"Shouldn't physically lifting things and sweating all day mean you have a quick rinse off shower when you get home? Bonus is that you get hot water to relax your muscles." – emotionalsupportfrog
Not that he would listen.
The OP was awash with anxiety about their relationship and did mention in an update:
"There are definitely other issues besides our differences in opinion towards hygiene that I have to consider."
It may be time to hold off on housewarming gifts for now.
But I'm sure the OP would appreciate a gift basket from the Body Shop.