When and how a parent chooses to discuss sexual activity with their children is something each family needs to decide on their own.
Hopefully for the children, the subject isn't ignored in the hopes it will go away.
But what if another parent decides to tackle the topic with your child without your knowledge or consent? That's the situation facing one father, so he turned to the Relationship Advice subReddit for guidance.
Redditor Marconator39 posted:
"Mother of my daughter's boyfriend texted her about sex."
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My daughter just turned 14 last week. Now I just got news that 3 weeks ago, her boyfriend's mother texted her something like this:"
"'Hi I'm, Peter's mother and I would like to clarify a few things with you. If you're with him, don't fool around because I don't want him to get hurt'."
"'And also, he is too young and not ready for sex and you should avoid trying to have sex with him' (Peter is a couple months older than my daughter)."
"I don't know what to think of all this. My daughter never had sex, does not think much of sex yet, and I feel like what she texted her is totally innapropriate."
"She was f'king 13 year old when it happen. And secondly, she just embarrassed her son big time."
"This created tension between them."
"Should I give her a call or not. If I do, I'd be calm and would act like an adult but at the same time this all feels so weird and what if I make everything worse..."
"And I almost forgot, she is a divorced woman and I believe her son is staying with his father most of the time."
His fellow Redditors offered their observations and advice.
"I would be pissed at her for misogynistically insinuating that a 14-year-old CHILD was a temptress and a danger to pure, innocent boys." ~ beatissima
"It's actually a far bigger issue of another parent violating boundaries and attempting to parent another's kid. It's highly inappropriate for another parent to interact with other kids in this manner."
"They can contact OP to discuss things. OP should be absolutely pissed and should not allow it to continue." ~ Master_Of_Hearts
"THIS. And in a TEXT, too? All class."
"Your daughter can do better! I'd be seriously worried about the damage this woman can do to your daughter's psyche if left unsupervised."
"Time for some serious damage control."
"You are right, this is HUGELY inappropriate and this woman needs to pull her head in. I think you should discuss with your daughter how she thinks you should approach this, the last thing you want to do is make her feel like she has no say in her own relationships."
"At 14 she probably doesn't have the self-assurance to stand up for herself in a conversation like that with a grown adult - especially if the adult in question is crossing boundaries like that. But that woman absolutely needs to be told she crossed a line." ~ Aussiealterego
"The mother sounds like she's perhaps a little unhinged and likely looking to stir drama. Given that her ex has majority custody she may be looking for ways to stay relevant and stick her nose in."
"If that is the case, calling her out on her inappropriate behavior would be reinforcing to her. People who are high conflict drama monsters seek any and all attention, whether positive or negative."
"I personally would not engage with her. You'd keep it calm and mature, but chances are low that she'd respond in kind."
"I'd discuss with your daughter that the message she sent was inappropriate and talk it through with her. It's sad for the boy but probably better for you to stay out of it IMO." ~ poodle_kitten
The OP returned to offer an update:
"Thanks for all the replies. It was good reading them."
"Many different points of view."
"There is good and bad in either calling or not calling her. I know it's inevitable in a teenager's life to have a relation (sex), it just didn't happen yet."
"They see each other at school and 2-3 time at each other's place, always with a parent present, and they have never been to that mom's place. I and them as well intend to keep it that way in the short-medium future."
"As for my kid's education, we're really tier 1 parent here. They are doing perfectly fine in every aspect of their life...for now."
"As for the final decision, well I'm letting this one pass, but will be following closely how this situation evolve."
"So just to be certain, and because many told me to do so, I had that talk with my daughter just as she arrived from school, minutes ago. Turns out she knows it all and now I look like a goof."
"But it's ok I guess. I just never really took the time to have that kind of talk with her as it is something I was leaving to her mom."
"I went ahead and said she doesn't understand sex. That was not what I meant to say."
"She understand it but never had any relation. I said that with a father protecting his daughter kind of thing."
"But somehow, I just know she is not there yet, you know what I mean?"
@joehas/X