A woman did not want her troublesome uncle at her wedding because of his history of unwanted advances and harassment.
But when he turned up without an invitation, Redditor "nurse7644" expressed her frustration and wanted him kicked out before tying the knot.
One of the bridesmaids dealt with the unwanted wedding guest, but the confrontation went too far and caused major family drama.
The Original Poster (OP) asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for asking a bridesmaid to tell her uncle to leave the wedding.
"My wedding was a few months ago, and I deliberately didn't invite my uncle."
"He'd hit on my wife in a really weird way at a family event that year. (My wife and I are both women for the record)."
"And on my wedding day, there he is... I guess his brothers invited him along?"
"One of my friends is a total firecracker, she's brave as anything and not afraid to say what's on her mind. She and two other friends of mine were my bridesmaids and I was telling them about my uncle having shown up, before the ceremony."
"She asked what I wanted them to do, they could kick him out, they could ignore him, or anything in between. I said that getting him out would be great."
The friend checked in to see if it was okay to make the confrontation a public affair.
"She asked if it would bother me if she drew attention to the whole mess. I said no."
"So she marched right up to this guy in the pews and told him in front of everyone 'get the f'k out, you weren't invited for a reason.'"
It could have ended there. But it didn't.
The friend went further and berated him by using an inaccurate description for the annoying uncle.
"And he asked what the matter was, what was going on, and she went 'you f'king know what you did, get your creepy incestuous a** out of here or me and OPs family is getting you out.'"
"My other bridesmaids walked over with her but didn't say anything."
The OP inquired about the confrontation with her uncle, but it led nowhere.
"He left and I asked her later what the 'incestuous' comment was about, and she was like 'Uhh he was trying to screw future family? Gross.'"
"And while I thought that was a little of an exaggeration I honestly put the whole thing out of my mind that day."
She later discovered the ramifications of her friend's melodramatic intervention.
"But apparently that caused a whole lot of gossip and speculation and sh*t in my family. Some of my family members are also upset my friend told my uncle that my family would kick him out, when they would not do that."
"AITA for telling my friend she could kick my uninvited uncle out of the wedding?"
This Redditor saw that ESH (Everyone Sucks Here).
"ESH. He sounds like a creep, but the way that this was handled was pretty over the top." – Dizzy_Business
The same Redditor explained why the OP would also be TA (The A**hole) after other readers inquired about the ESH distinction.
"Making a scene like that likely drew more attention to the situation and created more drama than simply pulling him aside and speaking with him privately."
"OP describes the friend as a 'firecracker'—they knew that there would be drama and rolled with it. That's fine, but then you can't be shocked when people think it's a bad look at a wedding."
Some believed the uncle got what was coming.
"The uncle was the a**hole though. He came to an event uninvited so it was a justified reaction to him being an a**hole." – Dhannah22
"I agree but if he's the kind of guy to creepily hit on a lesbian that was marrying his niece I doubt he's going to listen being told to leave a wedding without being shamed out."
"People like him don't function like the rest of us sane folk."
"Also, permitting a scene doesn't mean that OP made the assumption that her friend would go directly that route. I wouldn't mind a scene if asking quietly didn't help but wouldn't necessarily assume my outspoken friend would go right for the scene because she wouldn't."
"NTA (Not the A**hole)- OP isn't an a-hole." – justhewayouare
This person had so many questions and named the main players in the scenario with their distinctions.
"Who aggressively hits on a lesbian that's in a relationship and obviously has zero interest in you, then turns up at THEIR WEDDING UNINVITED."
"Who goes to someone's wedding uninvited at all, let alone after behaving so inappropriately to one of the brides. Who thinks it's appropriate to intrude on their day like that?"
"If they wanted you there, you'd get an invitation. Also, who invites someone else to a wedding without confirming them as a plus one?"
"The bridesmaid was a bit OTT in her approach, but I think E S H judgement isn't fair. I'd say NTA for the bride, very soft A/H to the bridesmaid, HUGE AH to the creepy uncle and less, but still AH to the guy that invited him along." – SakuraFerretTrainer
Still, it didn't have to go there.
"It doesn't change the fact that OP purposefully sent their 'firecracker' bridesmaid to deal with the situation, after giving them free range to act."
"No one is disputing whether the uncle was an a**hole, but there were better ways to deal with the problem if they didn't want their family to gossip." – Dizzy_Business
This biased Redditor shared his lost opportunity to protect his bride from his own wedding experience.
"Uncle made it public...hitting on SO and showing up at the wedding uninvited, I do agree that the incest part was too much."
"I do believe it was discreet he wouldn't have left, people like that believe that they can do no wrong is the vibe I'm getting from him."
"I could be wrong though, I may be more sensitive to this because I got married last May and there were a lot of things that happened at ours planning(she wanted no wedding just she and I), but couldn't hurt peoples feelings."
"I don't care to hurt someone's feelings if it's affecting what we want to do. I actually did not find out until later that my gmil caused a scene about her husband not walking her down instead of my groomsmen."
"Me, my mother and mil were livid mil couldn't do much...me and my mother are pit bull types...she's where I get it from. Their grandfather passed away and they were very close to him, this guy they don't know and don't want to."
"It was quick from what I understood. So I think my bias is coming from the fact it still bothers me that I couldn't confront and take care of this one thing for my wife."
"Didn't mean this to be so long, just I may he somewhat biased from my own insecurity not taking care of my wife in that instance. They caused the scene right as the preacher and I were about to come down." – Dhannah22
Emotions are already high at weddings.
But there was no need for additional drama.