Every bride wants their wedding day to go off without a hitch.
Can this one be blamed for wanting to make sure her fiancé chooses a best man who isn't actively trying to sabotage their nuptials?
Reddit user Throwaway20052020 is preparing to be married. Her husband chose one of his childhood friends, "Matt," as best man, but Matt can't seem to stop trying to convince anyone who will listen that the wedding is a mistake.
After revealing his wedding day plans to the Original Poster (OP) she asked her fiancé to choose a new best man, but now the groom's friends are mad at her for forcing his hand.
To find out whether she'd actually done anything wrong, she took to the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) where anonymous internet users were asked to assign blame by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
"My fiance, Peter ([Male] 28) and I ([Female] 27) have been together for 7 years and got engaged in january, we are planning our wedding for Spring 2021."
"Peter has this friend (M28), whom we'll call Matt, they're childhood friends and have always been close, so it was only logical that Peter would want Matt to be his best man, which I was totally on board with (we even threw him a surprise « proposal »). Matt agreed without much enthusiasm, and on condition that he'd be allowed to always tell what he was thinking. I was kind of surprised but anyway."
"From that point, anytime we would get together he would ALWAYS, without fail, bring the subject of marriage and how he absolutely didn't believe in it, that he thought Peter was making a mistake and would be better off dumping me and sleeping with random girls. Peter talked to him multiple times, and each time he said that he'd been allowed to speak his truth and so we couldn't ask him to shut up."
"Peter began talking about choosing another best man, and was (still is) pretty conflicted about it but had always envisioned his wedding with Matt by his side. I really want to respect that and I encouraged him to have a conversation with Matt. At that point Matt calmed down for a while and I thought all was well."
"Until last night when we saw each other for the first time since lockdown, and started talking about the wedding. My fiance's brother asked us for pictures that he could use during his speech, and while Peter went to find some, Matt said that he would be, again, « speaking his truth » during his toast and wasn't afraid to say at the wedding that he didn't believe in marriage."
"He then proudly announced that he would be hiring a prostitute for the bachelor party to « test » Peter and that he was planning on doing everything he could to push him to the edge and make him cheat on me and realize he was making a mistake. I have complete trust in my fiance and I don't doubt his fidelity but I was so hurt that his best man would try something like that."
"I lost it, and told him to get out of my house. I was angry and hurt and asked Peter to uninvite him, because I couldn't imagine having my wedding with him around. It's also my day and I don't want to spend it hearing about how my fiance is making a mistake marrying me. I also don't want my family to be forced to sit through a toast basically humiliating me. I want this day to be a happy one, to be about us and our commitment to each other and not about the best man's disbelief in marriage."
"Peter is conflicted as Matt is a life long friend of his. Mutual friends are taking Matt's side and saying I don't have a say in my fiance's choice of best man. I am hurt and scared & most of all sad that this moment that should be so exciting and happy for us would turn to THIS."
"I'm afraid I'm the A-hole for asking him to uninvite Matt because he would have to find another best man and it's not my choice to make but it will in fact affect me. So Reddit, AITA?"
Others on Reddit had been in similar situations and knew a firm decision was in order.
"Honestly, that line is well past the 'keep him away from your wedding' point. My SO and I went through a rocky time and a big part of it was his 'friend' that was actively trying to destroy our relationship. When we were getting back together I outright told him I don't have room for that kind of disrespect in my life anymore and if having this a**hole in his life was so important then I wouldn't be continuing the relationship."
"It's not controlling behaviour if someone is constantly pushing your boundaries. At that point it's just enforcing your boundaries. It is absolutely acceptable to tell your SO that they can't see someone who is actively trying to break you two up, and anyone who tries to call you controlling or jealous for that has some real unhealthy views on boundaries in relationships." -SnakesInYerPants
Matt has proven repeatedly he can't be trusted at the wedding.
"He's basically saying he intends to use someone else's wedding to get up on a soapbox and talk about lewd and inappropriate topics, like how marriage is bad and the groom should be sleeping with all the bridesmaids instead."
"I can't decide if Matt is emotionally still 16 years old or if Matt is struggling with the fact that his best friend is happily getting married and he's not. Or maybe Matt is just one of those red pill guys and everyone tolerates him because he's been there forever."
"99% of the time, I would have voted Y T A, because I hate Bridezillas and brides shouldn't get to dictate who the best man is because it's the groom's day, too. But in THIS particular case, you have someone whose only intent is to make a spectacle of your wedding." -techleopard
It's possible to have an opinion without destroying someone else's wedding.
"Yep this guy lacks any sort of civility. It is one thing to feel the need to have a honest heart to heart about not marrying op it is and other to be a complete dick and try to force your will over somebody else." -HarithBK
This wedding isn't about Matt.
"Absolutely this. The wedding is a celebration of you and your fiance and your love for one another. It is NOT a soapbox for him to spout his anti marriage position. Furthermore, I understand your fiancé has been friends with him for a while, but if my best friend and prospective best man said something so disrespectful I would've kicked his a**. It's not about what Matt believes in, it's about supporting his friend, your fiancé, and wanting him to be happy. How dare he try to ruin that." -vesrayech
If the groom's friends are also mad at OP, then some Reddit users thought a change of scenery was in order.
"Fiance doesn't just need a new best man, he needs a whole new friend circle if they are taking Matt's side. No matter how you feel about weddings, a best man speech is not the time to talk sh*t about them. I stood beside a friend for their wedding because they wanted me to and because I love them, even though I wanted to drop kick the person they were marrying off a cliff."
"I had one conversation with them about my concerns when they told me they were getting married, and then I kept my d*mn mouth shut because after that it was none of my buisness. (Edited because wrong word used)." -MotherOfMoggies
Some thought this decision was important not only for the wedding, but for the future of OP's marriage.
"WHAT. THE. F*CK. Nope. Not invited to your wedding. How is this even a question? Go tell your fiance right now this is a dealbreaker. Someone openly brags that they are going to do their best to make him cheat? And he still considers this person a friend? F*ck the wedding. He'd be out of our lives or I'd be dumping my fiance's a**."
"This is the hill to die on. If your husband is willing to go along with this, who knows what else he will end up allowing? NTA." -lyraterra
Well, there's your answer, OP. Get Matt out of this wedding before he ruins the whole thing.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*