Redditor "brinmendo" is not getting married until the fall, but the bride-to-be has already sparked serious family drama.
Because of this, she went to Reddit and asked AITA (Am I the A**hole).
"About three years ago my dad was injured in a really bad hit and run car accident."
"He broke just about every bone in his body, and left him paralysed from the waist down. Our relationship has always been really good, but I hate seeing him in pain and admittedly try to avoid seeing him because it just makes me uncomfortable."
"In November I'm getting married. I've been with my fiancé for 4 years and he and my dad get on really well. Naturally the discussion of who was going to give me away came up in the family group chat, and I kept silent after I realised my dad would be in a wheelchair."
"We always talked about him giving me away and having a dance at my wedding and I don't want to be reminded of what could've been at my wedding."
The OP told her mother about wanting someone else to give her away on the matrimonial walk.
It did not go well.
"I messaged my mom privately and told her I want my uncle to walk me down the aisle as we're incredibly close.
"She naturally asked why and I told her that my dad being in a wheelchair would add complications to the wedding."
"The walkway would have to be widened to accommodate his wheelchair and he wouldn't be able to hold my arm or give me a proper hug."
"She was outraged, called me an ableist POS and removed me from the group chat. My aunt has since called me telling me my dad is absolutely devastated. AITA?"
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
"'Watching your dad struggle is incredibly difficult' says the girl who is adding to his suffering by basically telling him he's no longer good enough to walk her down the aisle."
"Also poor you for having to watch your dad suffer? HES THE ONE SUFFERING. Stop making it about you."
"You are so TA it's not even up for debate. Your dad deserves so much better. I hope to god you don't have a disabled child because clearly you find it to be a huge inconvenience." – JDJK_2112
"YTA What an awful daughter."
"You avoid him because it is hard on you? What about him?"
"Now you dont want to accommodate him to walk you down the aisle?"
"God you should be ashamed of yourself."
"Your fiance should take a long look at who he is marrying."
"Also do you know how many brides don't have their dad cause they are DEAD or deadbeats?"
"You should consider yourself lucky you have one." – RoxyMcfly
The OP was accused of not wanting to be upstaged by her father's disability.
"OP still has her father and he loves her and wants to be a part of her life."
"She's being incredibly selfish trying to turn him away."
"Really she's probably just embarrassed of him."
"She doesn't want him to take away her attention on her big day." – sweetpotato37
"Yta. It takes a really special kind of a**hole to turn someone else's paralysis into a 'pity me' situation." – NUTmeSHELL
This Redditor demanded the OP apologize to her father.
"YTA- excluding him from this moment would be an incredibly hurtful and selfish thing to do. And it's a level of hurt that a family may never recover from."
"You need to make a phone call to your dad and you need to make it now. Apologize and grovel and do whatever it is you need to do to convince your dad that you just had a momentary lapse in sanity and don't know what you were even thinking."
"That was cold." – gooberfaced
"And the fact that 'walkway will need to be widened' is such a sh**ty excuse!"
"Big deal, widen a walkway. And if it's not physically possible to do it, bloody change the venue."
"She knew her father's condition before she chose the venue. Massive NTA." – Yogesh11235
Not everyone was lucky enough to have both parents present at their wedding.
"I got married 8 months after my mum passed and I was NC with my dad for 3 years previously."
"My grandad walked me down the aisle and an uncle I didnt really know gave a speech because my brothers partner was giving birth and he couldn't be there."
"I still look back now 5 years later with mixed emotions about my wedding. I wish my mum couldve walked me down the aisle."
"YTA OP im not surprised your father is devastated, he deserves better." – throwitallawayanyday
"If only my dad was alive to walk me down the aisle instead of just being a memory."
"This OP is awful and the worst part of that she posted this thinking there would be people that would agree with her."
"YTA- I hope your fiancé realizes you are the AH, your friends, your family already knows. But sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you are willing to change something about yourself. Hopefully it won't take that and this post does it." – ImJustSaying34
This person couldn't imagine not being around their father with a disability all because of an uncomfortable feeling.
"Mt dad died 9 years ago and was sick for the last three. I was lucky to be able to arrange with my work so I could care for him, my mom was too."
"So one day she would go to the office and I would work from home and then we'd switch. I never once was ashamed that he was disabled by his illness, I was just glad I could be with him."
"He could have been wheeled down the aisle on a stetcher and I would have been proud to have him beside me at my wedding."
"I miss him so much. It was HARD seeing him like that. But it would have been harder not to see him at all."
"I hope this is a troll, because I can't imagine avoiding my Daddy for years because I felt bad." – ritan7471
This Redditor, who stood by their father's side when he needed them most, felt sympathy for the OP's father.
"My Father had an amputated leg and very hard to manage diabetes. I took care of him in the last 7 years of his life."
"He carried me as a baby and went to work everyday. I pushed his wheelchair because I loved him."
"I would give anything to have him back. To lose your independence that way is incredibly isolating. People thought because my Dad was missing a leg his brain no longer functioned."
"But, he had me and I had him. He was never alone with it. I feel so terribly for her Father. Imagine being told that your disability is inconvenient for your loved ones." – Wackydetective
"I cancelled my wedding and got married at the courthouse after my dad passed away."
"I couldn't imagine anyone else giving me away -not even my brother, who I've been extremely close to all our lives."
"I'd given anything to have my daddy give me away...or to just be here in general. You don't know how lucky you are."
"I can't imagine how hurt your dad is over this. Shame on you." – JenGutz20
The OP updated the post by commenting on the backlash and pleaded with those expressing strong opinions not to message "horrendous stuff" to her.
"Update - I appreciate all the people who have messaged me offering me support, your kind words have meant a lot to me whilst rifling through a bunch of messages telling me to do horrible things to myself."
"Regardless of what you think of me, telling me these things isn't okay. I'm going to call my dad tomorrow."
"Update 2 - can people please stop messaging me such horrendous stuff? think about what you're saying."
"You may not agree with me or my life but you're just as bad as I apparently am if you're going round saying stuff like that to strangers on the internet."
It looks like the OP got a harsh dose of reality when she asked strangers online for their opinions.
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