Being asked to be in someone's wedding party should be an honor.
But what happens when you find yourself in the bride's hot seat, no longer able to fit into your bridesmaid's dress?
A bride wrote into Reddit, wondering if she was wrong for asking one of her bridesmaids to kindly go back to the size she was when their bridesmaids' dresses were selected.
Redditor "joo-loo-boo" explained in the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit that since the bridesmaid could no longer fit into her original dress, the most suitable option seemed to be to lose the weight she gained.
The bride gave some background on the situation first, explaining there will have been approximately a year between the selecting of the dresses and the actual wedding.
"I (24F) am getting married this October, providing [the pandemic] is over by then. One of my bridesmaids is my friend [and] cousin 'Mila' (25F)."
"For whatever reason, Mila has been gaining a lot of weight over the past few months, and I'd estimate she's up 30-40 pounds since last fall."
"We went dress shopping in October, and since I ended up picking a somewhat expensive eggplant velvet dress to match the autumn theme, I told my bridesmaids I'd pay (I'm pretty blessed financially, so I could afford it)."
The bride was upset to find out the dress would no longer fit.
"Now, Mila has broken it to me that she 'grew out of' her dress and will need a new one. Unfortunately, the style is not available in plus sizes and would need to be custom made, if it's possible to get at all."
She explained why she was so upset.
"I already paid for her dress, and I think it's inconsiderate for her to put on weight when she knows she won't fit the dress. She's honestly been really entitled in assuming I'll just figure it out and replace her dress at my expense."
"Plus there's the bulls**t of calling a weight gain 'growing out' of something, as if her own choices had nothing to do with it."
When she finally reached out to her bridesmaid with her concerns, it didn't go well.
"I texted her last week and told her my issues. I said that I really wanted her in the wedding, but the dress was presenting issues. I gently asked her to go back to the size she was last fall."
"Well, she didn't respond, but she has been vague-posting about 'women who tear other women down' and anti-body-shaming stuff. So I'm pretty sure she's mad."
"What do I do? Was I wrong to even ask?"
Now at the icy end of a cold shoulder, the bride reached out to Reddit, wondering if she was wrong for how she handled the situation.
Most agreed this was sort of an "ESH" situation, meaning, "Everyone Sucks Here" while some placed blame squarely on one party. Some were team bride while others supported the bridesmaid.
Redditors talked through the situation in the comments.
"ESH. She shouldn't have just assumed that you could/should/would fork out for a brand new dress. You shouldn't assume she can lose that weight again by october, and you certainly shouldn't tell her to do so."
"There are a couple of ways to handle this. Firstly, you could just explain that it's not in your budget so she would need to pay for the second dress. If she can't afford that she can drop out as an official bridesmaid and come as a guest."
"Best thing to do is apologise for making comments about her weight, explain that you were just stressed because of the budget concerns, but remain firm that you won't be buying a second dress." - AmeriMeg
"Indeed. I sympathize with OP's plight, but the way she talks about the situation makes her come across as at least as entitled as the bridesmaid. There was an opportunity to handle the situation with grace and as a friend, and OP took the opportunity instead to display a rotten core the friend might not have seen before." - apathyontheeast
"OP has been pretty fat shamey though. Between 'gently asking her to go back to the size she was last fall' and 'Plus there's the bulls**t of calling a weight gain 'growing out' of something, as if her own choices had nothing to do with it.' It seems like op is taking her cousins weight gain as a personal offense" - catticusbutticus
"I think it's less about taking the weight gain as a personal offense and more about being aggravated, annoyed, and angry that her cousin feels entitled to and is telling OP she needs to order a second dress."
"I think if her cousin approached her more along the lines of 'OP I've unfortunately outgrown my dress and no longer fit into the one you bought. I understand I new dress will be expensive but if you could order a new one I'll help cover the costs (or offer to pay her back for the old dress, OR cover the complete cost of the new dress.)"
"But cousin does none of those things and just expects OP to eat the costs of two dresses, a second dress she may not even be able to afford as custom dresses can easily be thousands of dollars." - Ariyanwrynn1989
"Asking someone to 'gently go back to her previous size' is the biggest d**k move. OP didn't even ask why the weight gain happen, emotional stress? Maybe even depression. Some friend." - k**tvonneguts
"This was my thought exactly. There are also all kinds of medications that can cause unwanted weight gain, it may not be something she is even in control of despite OP's statement otherwise, and if that is the case the friend is probably already upset about it and struggling with other issues as well." - FocusObjective
Hopefully the bride will reach back out to her friend and try to reconcile the situation.
Whoever ends up paying for the dresses should not come at the cost of a friendship or familial bond.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*
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