There's this belief most of the time that if you have a really good friend, you probably shouldn't try to push it to the "next level," or else you'll risk losing that friendship if the relationship doesn't work out.
But sometimes, friendship and intimacy can go hand-in-hand.
Curious and taking notes, Redditor HighAF_Trippy asked:
"People who slept with their friends and still remained friends, how did you do that?"
Never Happened
"If I'm honest, when I slept with a friend, we both found it s**t and stopped halfway through. Talked about it afterwards, and although things were awkward the next two or three times we met up (we went out drinking with mutual friends, that's how we met in the first place), now it's as if it never happened."
- The_V8_Road_Warrior
"Kinda acting as though it never happened was a key component of how I've made it work. Like, if we weren't actively having sex or going to, it wasn't talked about. But it was more like it wasn't important enough to discuss, more so than pretending it wasn't going on. The rest of my experience with it was very different than yours."
"It never got awkward. We didn't treat each other differently. I still encouraged them to talk to people they were attracted to, and gave advice where I could about how they should pursue and show interest. They did the same for me. We still mostly did friend activities together. We didn't have sex every time we hung out; it actually DIDN'T happen when we hung out more often than it did."
"There also was a clear understanding before we started that sex was all it was. If someone caught feelings, which never happened with any of my friends that I slept with, there was an understanding that it would stop, so we could preserve the friendship. It was more important than the sex. And of course, if someone got into an actual relationship, it would also stop."
"It seems like a majority of people on this post have nothing but regrets about doing it. But I don't regret it at all. We got our needs fulfilled when it wasn't happening with anyone else, and it didn't really have any effect on our friendships."
- 2donuts4elephants
Never Doing That Again
"Hooked up drunk randomly one night, vowed never to do it again. Somehow came to an agreement to do friends with benefits, no strings attached. Obviously, we caught feelings. I ended it. Agreed to go on a break for a couple of months, I started talking to someone new as did she. And now we give each other relationship advice."
"For the people who have been asking why I didn't pursue a relationship with her at the time. She is a good friend and the sex was great too, however, we weren't completely compatible when it came to values or love language, which I believe is the foundation of a relationship. Rather than risk losing her as a friend by trying a relationship and having it fail, I thought it best to play it safe because I value her friendship over any physical aspect we had."
"If it were my best friend probably be a different story, but she was just a friend. One that I would invite out to drinks, but not one I would be completely vulnerable around."
- republic-of_korea
Dealing With It Like Adults
"By not making it weird, talking openly, and being kind as usual to each other."
- Icy_Guard_7259
"Me and a friend tried it. It was weird and awkward, and we both agreed to just hang out instead. Worked out fine, we are still friends to this day."
- J2sush8sm3
Seeing Each Other's Worth
"I tried dating a friend. It didn't work out at all, but we are still friends and still message each other every few months, even though we live in different states. The relationship just didn't work out. We realized that while we were good friends, we were a terrible couple that brought out the worst in each other. Don't ask me why there was that big of a difference between being friends and dating."
"I think it just works because we are both on the same page. It's not like one of us still had feelings and the other didn't. Also, we were in our mid to late 20s when we dated, so you know, more mature. Not sure I could have done that in my early 20s."
- blindexhibitionist
Just Friends
"I had that with one of my friends too. We were both single parents and supported each other in that, as we both knew what each other was going through."
"We did develop feelings for each other and started dating, but realised that the relationship still just had the dynamic of friends, with the only difference being that we would regularly sleep together. Not really being what either of us wanted, we went back to just being friends."
- geek_of_nature
Clear Expectations
"By remaining friends and setting expectations."
"I’ve (41 Male) had only done it once. I was 26. She was one of my closest friends in college. We knew a lot about one another’s sex life. We were both single."
"She was at my house after some friends had been over one night, and we were talking about the struggles of the dry spell. Neither of us had had sex in like three or more months, and I was like, hey why don’t we just have sex? She laughed. We discussed it and decided that it actually made sense."
"We had the most like mechanical conversation ever about what we liked, and we proceeded to do it. The sex was incredible, largely because we knew exactly what we wanted and had zero pressure."
"We probably had sex less than 20 more times over the next couple of months and then just stopped. Then she started dating someone."
"We are both married and have five kids between the two of us and remain good friends. We never hooked up again after that stretch."
- Rich-Contribution-84
Respecting The Friendship
"Honestly, it’s a matter of understanding where each other are in your lives and if there was a solid friendship in the first place. If you aren’t aligned (as everyone has their own wants in life) or treating each other right, a relationship (platonic, romantic, sexual) is worth pursuing/continuing."
"Both of us had a history of entering relationships for the wrong reasons (e.g., dating friends ’ exes). We both slept together while drunk. After the fact, we both decided it wouldn’t be good for our friendship if we pursued a romantic or sexual relationship."
"HOWEVER, I realized even before sleeping together, all conversations were one-sided and focused on his life. The only interest he had in my life was anything having to do with my sexual life. He’s moving out of state, and since he didn’t even seem interested in my life platonically, I have been distancing myself from him and keeping conversations dry and minimal."
- Witch_Flute
Boundaries
"The first rule is, 'no calls the next day.' The second is 'spending the night is optional.'"
- SnooMaps9001
"Well, now we're getting somewhere. What about the kiss goodnight?"
- mouse6502
"Tough one. Your call!"
- SnooMaps9001
Moving On
"We got drunk one time at my place, she expressed how she always wanted to sleep with me before we became good friends, the night got late, and we went to sleep in my bed. Woke up in the morning and we had sex. Then had food. We kind of just don't talk about it and go on like our day is normal."
"So maybe because we just don't talk about it? Maybe just how our friendship dynamic works, I'm not sure."
- False-Estimate983
Enjoy Each Other's Company
"Well, we stopped having sex and remained friends because we care about each other as human beings and enjoy each other's company. I don't know if this is a straight person cultural norm or just a social one, but as an autistic queer person, it seems nonsensical to stop being friends with someone solely because of a romantic or sexual history."
- logalogalogalog_
Long-Term Friends
"My best friend is a woman I worked with 14 years ago."
"We worked side-by-side for a year. Our humor, interests, and personality compatibility had a ton of overlap. I was married, she had a boyfriend; so we kept to very above bar and as work friends. There was an unspoken interest in one another, but neither of us was stressed about it. She had a rough breakup shortly before I left that job, so I knew she wasn’t married at least."
"Two years later, I no longer work there or live in that state. I get divorced. In my broken immediately divorced head sought out the most likely sexual candidate I knew, her. So I called, said I just got divorced, felt like she was always interested in hooking up, and propositioned her. She said yes without hesitation."
"I was back home to see family a couple years later, we went out and it was awkward, then we had sex, which wasn’t the best (but not bad). I was inexperienced at the time and really a baby sexually, she was kind and it was overall very positive."
"That was 12 years ago. We’ve texted almost every day since. She’s my best friend and we know all of each other's filthy, embarrassing, and valuable secrets. I’m forever her hype man and sounding board, and we often talk about how much we value each other as friends. We screen nudes occasionally and talk about sexual partners, not an ounce of jealousy or possessiveness from either of us. It’s a very supportive love."
- LiquidDreamtime
Very Casual
"Came to the concept we’re all human, everyone has sex, and as long as both parties are cool with it and enjoys it, who cares? Had sex with them on the low, but could still hang out together and in groups and act like it never happened because if you think about it, it’s really not that huge of a deal. Just sex."
- East-Temporary2136
Right Person, Wrong Time
"I slept with a friend on a very drunk night over 22 years ago. I always felt bad about it because I knew she had a mega crush on me. I liked her. I just wasn't in a good position for it. But now, three marriages gone for me, one marriage for her, and a 20-year military career later..."
"We ran into each other and instantly reconnected. The chemistry has been off the charts. All of it. Conversations, the sex, trust, complete transparency, and we just completely understand each other. AND I know if we would have moved forward 22 years back, we would not have what we have now."
- Strider0905
Oops!
"We stopped having sex and remained friends… the only problem being: we’re still married!"
- Scott191
"Hey, I know this one!"
- SjalabaisWoWS
While this kind of arrangement wouldn't work for everyone, these Redditors were able to make their friendships last through good conversation skills, setting of expectations, and just acting like adults.
@cturnbull1968/X
@ZohranKMamdani/X
@VickieforNYC/X