Kids say the darnedest things, but sometimes they think the darnedest things, too.
Just like the stories that we think are too weird or stupid to possibly be true, kids can have similarly interesting and questionable streams of thought.
Curious about others' experiences, Redditor Ardidub asked:
"What is the best example of 'kid logic' you have ever seen?"
Chicken or the Egg? Cat Food or the Cat?
"I desperately wanted a kitten when I was younger. Every time we went to the grocery store, I'd try and sneak cat food into the shopping cart, thinking that if we got home and unpacked it, we'd have to go out and get a cat."
- AtLeastImGenreSavvy
The Juice Trail Goes Both Ways
"My grandparents' old trailer had ants. I wanted to help and knew they liked sweet things, so I added a bunch of sugar to some juice and made a trail from the house to an ant hill to lead them out. It did not have the desired effect."
- Kiwi-VonFluffington
"Okay, that's f**king hilarious! I'm just picturing you going, 'You're going the wrong way! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAYYYYYYYY!!!'"
- SnooSprouts9993
"Pretty much! They were being very rude, ignoring directions like that."
- Kiwi-VonFluffington
A Holiday Mashup
"My coworker’s kid lost a tooth yesterday, and the kid said he was going to wait until Sunday to put his tooth under the pillow so the Tooth Fairy can meet Santa, lol (laughing out loud)."
- niikaadieu
Like Mother, Like Babysitter
"When I was 15, I used to babysit this lovely kid called Jack."
"He would very proudly tell people, 'I'm three!' and hold up three fingers."
"One day, I asked him how old did he think I was? He gave this very careful consideration."
"'26,' he said firmly."
"'Why do you think I'm 26?' I replied, mildly offended."
"He reasoned, 'Mummy looks after me and she's 26. You look after me too.'"
"Fair enough!"
- ElinorSedai
Instructions... for Construction. Fair.
"My five-year-old grandson insists the instructions you receive with a Lego set are 'the constructions,' and really, I’m having difficulty arguing against it."
- Spikey2011
The Mommy Pickup Line
"My husband was working at a child care center and his car was in the shop so he needed a ride."
"When I arrived to pick him up, one of the children who was also getting picked up asked if I was his mom."
"Because that's who picks up people from daycare: moms and dads. Makes perfect sense using kid logic."
- Sam_Paige25
Two-By-Two, Indeed!
"I'm a single guy in my thirties. My nephews who are three and six have asked me a bunch of times why there's no mommy in my house."
"I tell them I have a mom; their grandma is my mom."
"But they're like, 'But there's no MOM IN YOUR HOUSE!!!'"
"Like it's inconceivable that adults don't come in pairs. I'm working on it, kid."
- DolphinSweater
Can't Be Too Prepared!
"I was a student teacher and bumped into one of my seven-year-old students in the morning. He was walking and told me, 'I always step over the cracks [in the sidewalk].'"
"I asked, 'How come?' and expected him to say something about 'So I don't break my mother's back' (that's an old rhyme)."
"Instead, he said he was 'practicing'... 'in case there's an earthquake!'"
- heidismiles
Elevated Polar Bear Risk
"Leaving the daycare center, a kid called back, 'BYE-BYE! Be safe, watch out for polar bears!'"
"We are not in polar bear territory, but polar bears live in the snow, so since it snowed earlier in the day, it was only logical that we were at elevated polar bear risk."
- ichigoli
"Mine was really excited for winter, and we found out it was because she thought it would snow and there would be polar bears. We explained we only get a little snow and no polar bears. Then a year or so later, she was afraid to visit family to the north, and it turned out it was because she thought there would be polar bears."
- hysilvinia
It Makes So Much Sense!
"When I was a kid we experienced an earthquake. I ran to my mom screaming, 'The dinosaurs are coming!'"
"I was really into 'The Land Before Time,' and whenever the Brontosaurus walked, the ground shook, so it made sense."
- PuzzledImage3
So There!
"Two of the neighbor kids locked themselves out of their house while their mom went to the store. My kids invited them in, sat them at the kitchen table, gave them a drink and a snack, and kept them company until their mom got back."
"After the kids went home, I told my kids that they had been very hospitable."
"My seven-year-old was very indignant, 'We were NOT! We were very nice to them. We didn't spit on anybody!'"
- ChubbyBlackWoman
Budding Grammar Skills
"My son once told me he had a brew after he bumped his arm."
"I said, 'I think you mean 'bruise.'"
"He said that it was a brew because he only had one."
- boyfromtherat
Change Comes One Sugar Packet at a Time
"When I was like three or four years old and my family went to the beach, I stole the little sugar packets from the hotel's breakfast room and emptied them in the ocean because I didn't like that it was so salty."
- Haebak
The 'Days of the Week' Song Has Entered the Chat
"My kid as a toddler invented the word 'nexterday,' because she knew 'yesterday' and 'next' but not 'tomorrow.'"
- Amiiboid
"One of my friend's little sisters was talking to me and said the word 'yesternoon.'"
"Personally, I thought it was brilliant because the adult way is to say, 'yesterday at noon,' and her version is better, I think."
- Frizbiskit
"Yester-Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the nexterday, you gave it away..."
- lamlmposter
Honestly, Kids Should Name Everything
"A kid I used to babysit loved flamingos. But she called them fuffmangos. To this day I still wish that's what everyone called them. Just sounds so much better."
- fiestybean1214
"I still want to call baby ducks, 'quacklings.'"
- yaosio
"Whenever we went on holiday, and my daughter started seeing Seagulls, she'd say, 'Look, holiday birds!'"
- mutant_llama
This is one of those threads that is bound to leave all of us smiling, snickering, or at least reminiscing.
Some of these are so funny, but some of them legitimately make so much sense! Kid logic is hilarious and unexpected, but when the Kid Math is mathing, it maths hard.
Jane Rosenberg
Jane Rosenberg
@arianagrande/Instagram
@arianagrande/Instagram