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As of this writing, there are just SIX shopping days remaining until Christmas, and everyone has that one person on their list who's impossible to shop for. After all, what DO you buy for the comic book nerd/sex fiend who has everything?!
An Australian company has you covered, just in time for the big day, with the ultimate sexy nerd gift: the Aquaman dildo. Geeky Sex Toys to the rescue! Called the "AquaMoan Silicone Dildo" because, when it comes to comic book-movie-themed fake weiners, it's best to get right to the point, the sex toy features a scaly texture, a green-and-yellow color scheme reminiscent of the film, and curves that give Aquaman star Jason Momoa a run for his money. (No word on how it competes with Momoa's other features.)
Anyway, here is what it looks like and I just don't know what else to tell you...
Aquamoan! 🌊🦈🐠 Let the King of the Seven Seas swim into the deepest darkest depths of your downstairs today! 🐙🐬 Limi… https://t.co/7ip8ulhLSD— Geeky Sex Toys (@Geeky Sex Toys) 1544014498.0
Also, "Let the King of the Seven Seas swim into the deepest darkest depths of your downstairs" is a piece of writing that has inspired me to find a new line of work because I will never write anything so magnificent.
Except maybe this: With the Aquaman film going a bit limp at the box office, the AquaMoan is offering some stiff competition!
Anyway, the dildo costs $81 Australian, so about $61 American, and is part of a limited edition of just 500 scaly, aquatic phalluses, so get yours while you can. Aquaman not what gets you going? No worries! Geeky Sex Toys also has toys themed after Avengers, Star Wars and Guardians of the Galaxy(subtly named "Orgasms of the Galaxy") to satisfy your every desire. Don't miss the Deadpool collection, whose name I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to type here.As you might expect, social media users had some reactions to this new product.
I’m not sure what to say about this. I feel something needs to be said but for the life of me - I can’t think what.… https://t.co/76Cct94Rhl— Jo 🚫 E (@Jo 🚫 E) 1545189053.0
Oh my. https://t.co/qTnVzc7rr9— Erin Donovan (@Erin Donovan) 1545189408.0
AQUAMOAN! *DEAD*— Multiple Streams of Income (@Multiple Streams of Income) 1545223669.0
When I got to the picture I let out an audible scream https://t.co/Apeb5CPRzr— 🤶🏾🎄Senntaclaus🎄🤶🏾 (@🤶🏾🎄Senntaclaus🎄🤶🏾) 1545223374.0
Just scrolling through my FB and of course, there's always someone weird that posts shit like "You can buy Aquaman… https://t.co/UgDlAIDRCn— Nina (@Nina) 1545234444.0
@Geeky_Sex_Toys Corn cob of the sea.— SashaLynneStar (@SashaLynneStar) 1544032488.0
Bad... ass... ? https://t.co/z4uXI2w8qj— Ian Casselberry (@Ian Casselberry) 1545225150.0
@Geeky_Sex_Toys Wtf is this guys hahahahaha— McWiennerson (@McWiennerson) 1544308341.0
AquaMoan... %$&/$&($%/#— v saw aquaman (@v saw aquaman) 1545134633.0
I’m guessing it is also dishwasher safe https://t.co/jQ0LD8SoMJ— Mason (@Mason) 1545189842.0
The hell is wrong with you people. https://t.co/yfmZPVt4Z8— Praveen Ram (@Praveen Ram) 1545191073.0
In conclusion, I have no idea how to end this piece except to say have yourself a scaly little Christmas, and I can't apologize enough for typing that!