Ever notice how much women have to refrain from certain activities? Men: If you haven't, you should ask them sometimes. I have friends who don't like to walk around at night. They take extra care when they travel alone. They all have stories about dealing with men who violate their personal space or feel entitled to their company. But so much of this can be lost in translation.
After Redditor Honnung asked the online community, "Women, what are things that men do that they don't realize scare you?" many women spoke candidly about their experiences.
"I've been approached several times..."
I've been approached several times in public by random men who say they want to be friends with me. One leaned in really close to have a conversation and asked me where I was from and where I live. Another grabbed my hands and remarked on how soft my skin is. Another one literally locked arms with me and dragged me to a coffee shop to "get to know me" and then later told me to come with him to a more private place for a view of the city.
I weakly joke about it sometimes but in the moment it really does make me nervous. I don't know if I just look really unimposing (I'm an Asian woman but I'm taller than average?) but I'm not sure why it happens. Regardless, please don't just grab random women, even out of friendliness, and respect personal space.
"Following you to your car..."
Following you to your car to get your number.
Don't. Ever. Do. That.
I'll repeat it: Don't do it.
Men: Would you feel comfortable if someone followed you to your car? Probably not, right?
"Basically..."
Blocking my path or physically holding me in place if they are not done talking to me. Basically, using more strength/size to restrict my motion in any way.
"Trying to get me to your place..."
Trying to get me to your place or come to mine when we just met or just started talking online. I won't even give you my number that soon.
"When I was younger and dating..."
Driving really aggressively and having road rage. When I was younger and dating I had so many experiences as a passenger with young guys who were otherwise normal but really intense and scary when they got behind the wheel. It always seemed like a red flag.
When you read about people...
...who've been killed in road rage incidents, this one hits home. It happens and it's scary. People get really fired up while driving and yes, that sort of behavior can be very intimidating, even frightening.
"People on Tinder would suggest..."
Wanting to go to a secluded location if I don't know you well. People on Tinder would suggest going on hikes or taking a walk after dinner on first dates. Didn't even cross their minds that I would not want to be alone with them on a date.
"Blocked someone..."
Blocked someone from every method of contact after the world's creepiest date and about ten years later, pops up again when they found me on social media. I haven't changed my mind.
"It freaks me out..."
Touching you in any way without permission, even if it seems harmless to you.
Unfortunately, that happens rather often in retail.
Don't touch my shoulder when you talk to me. Don't stroke my hair. Don't caress my hand when you give me your money. Don't touch my butt or my boobs or anything at all! Please respect my personal space.
It freaks me out when male strangers come near me and touch me in any way.
It gets extra creepy when they start to compliment me and won't stop trying to "befriend" me. Your compliment in those situations doesn't make me happy, they scare me. I need to leave my work later and I am scared that you will wait for me outside and catch me.
"I was on the subway..."
Joking about mugging or assaulting us.
I was on the subway, returning home, and a group of tall guys were watching me play my Switch. One of them decided to swagger right up behind me, so that he was *breathing over my shoulder* while his friends joked "let's mug and assault her for that Switch."
I'm less than 120 lbs. It wouldn't take much to force me against a wall and I couldn't escape. I could easily be mugged, beaten.
I was surrounded by people, thankfully, but having one of them in my personal space, while his buds laughed about "assaulting" me had me terrorized the entire commute home. They got off at the same station I did, so I used a completely different exit and took a detour to shrug them off - I didn't want them knowing which direction I normally used.
Went on a first date with someone. Had a great time with them and was looking forward to the next date.
Until he started texting me after the date trying to come over to my place. He was very persistent and I was getting annoyed repeatedly telling him no. I pretended to fall asleep so I didn't have to answer his texts anymore.
The next day he asked me if I enjoyed the date. I told him that while I had fun, I didn't want to move quickly or have him come over to my place any time soon and I wasn't ready to do anything sexual.
His response? "Well, I'm ready."
I stopped talking to him after that- he came off way too rapey and I felt like I dodged a serious bullet. He would keep trying to swipe right on me whenever I was on a different dating app and I'd immediately block him on any dating app I saw him on.
Sadly, this is a reality for so many women.
Having to be alert at all times can take a toll on you.
"He did it a bunch more times..."
English isn't my first language so I can't really generalize this but asking if I need a ride and keep pestering me when I decline.
I used to walk home from school when this old man literally parked his car in front of me while I was crossing a small parking lot and asked if I needed a ride. I lied and said the house at the end of the block was my house. He did it a bunch more times until I had to change my walking route. It was a longer way but I felt safe again.
"A lot of men turn women..."
Getting really intense about our relationship/ friendship really early on. A lot of guys turn women into this kind of fantasy thing that's supposed to make them whole/ help them change or whatever. Sir, I am the main character in my own life, not just a supporting one in yours. When you put that pressure on me right away without reciprocation, I know that I don't actually matter, you've been taught that women serve you.
"Like dude..."
"Buying me a drink" except bringing it to me himself and introducing himself this way. Like dude, I'm not gonna drink that, I don't know what's in it or where it's been.
Men: We can do better.
Why are men conditioned like this? Why do men feel there isn't anything wrong with touching a woman unnecesarily? Clearly we need to address the way men are raised, because a lot appears to be lost in translation. We live in a world where some men have even gone as far as to kill women in retaliation for rejecting their advances. The more men become aware of this, the more they'll understand women and their fear.
Have your own experiences? Feel free to share them in the comments section below.
@IrnaEnglish/X
