The following is not a dig against the bad boyfriends in our lives.
It's not hard to look at some of the gestures listed below and think how lovely they would be if the men in your life did them all the time. At the heart of it, however, is women asking for one thing: for the men in their lives to be kinder, more understanding, and more attentive. These are fair and decent requests, and should certainly be considered by all men reading today.
Reddit user, u/Lordofspades_notgame, wanted to hear what you want to happen on a recurring basis when they asked:
Girls of Reddit, what are some seemingly small gestures you wish guys did more often?
Little things stack up over time, like bricks building a strong foundation for a better relationship. You don't have to go and repaint the entire house. Start small. You'll go far.
Carry A Notebook Everywhere
"Any gesture of thoughtfulness... from a "thinking of you" text to an "I know these are your favorite" small gift."
"My piece of advice for all dudes, that I use in my life all the time, if she shows you something she likes save it, write it down, make a mental note, text yourself it. Keep a folder of all those somewhere and boom you have a present list. It goes a long way in showing you pay attention and half the time she forgets about showing you and you seem like a wizard."
Gotta Get Those Daily Raids In
"I love random little gifts to know you are thinking about me. Nothing big, but a little note, a favorite candy bar, some flowers from the garden. They can go along way."
"This! My boyfriend surprises me in the smallest ways, from a random Reese's to digging in the shelf to see if the store has my favorite Arizona, or helping me get a Pokemon I want in a raid. It's never the grand gestures that make a difference, it's the small day to day gestures just to see me smile that make a difference."
"I also do the same thing for him!"
Everyone Always Likes Drink
"Okay, so it's small but I genuinely really like it. This guy (romantic Interest) of mine always takes my glass for a refill of whatever I'm drinking when he gets up to get more for himself. I do the same for him in return. It's something little but never fails so make me smile softly to myself once he's left the room."
"Edit: Please be weary of anyone with your drink. I worked in a night club a long time ago as a bartender when I noticed my coworker (female) spiked a drink. I reported her to my boss and she was fired and arrested. My understanding that it's rare for women to do this to one another. But turned out she spiked the drink of the guy's girlfriend that had been cheating with. She was caught on camera and arrested."
"Something everyone should do to everyone. Always ask others if they would like a refill when you intend to get one yourself. That is just good manners"
Woof...Swing And A Miss, Man
"Listening."
"When I told my ex that an old man grabbed my thigh in the bus he just heard what I said, laughed about it and continued talking about Black Sabbath."
"It's good to know that this is all that is being asked of me. And I mean this in a good way."
"My girlfriend works in an industry dominated by men with god complexes that objectify her all the time, and she has come to me and told me about all of it since we've gotten to know each other."
"It incenses me but I feel helpless to do anything besides hear her out, believe her, agree that they are chauvinist pigs and give her a hug. I've been concerned that there's more I should be doing, but it's nice to hear that apparently what I've already been doing is helping."
"Sometimes i need guys to just be listeners and not fixers. When i have a problem, my husband always wants to go into fix it mode, but sometimes the fix is just sitting quietly and holding me or letting me cry it out. Sometimes it's nice when they just agree that becky from sales is a b-tch instead of offering 101 ways to get along with the b-tch at work."
Physical intimacy is tricky, but necessary, for any meaningful relationship. There is no one thing you can do to please everyone, but with a little time, and a lot of listening, you'll know the things they want in due time.
All Dogs Everywhere Vouch For This Act Of Love
"Head scratches when I'm laying down or sitting on the couch."
"I'm Brazilian and we have a specific word for that. It's "cafuné". We do that a lot here (usually between lovers, or parents and their children)"
Seriously. The LEAST You Could Do.
"Putting their phone away during quality time, especially at the beginning. It shows they're focusing on you and the conversation/activity, and I think it's the ultimate sign of effort."
"I completely agree except for "the ultimate sign of effort". It's honestly the least sign of effort in my opinion. If you're on a date with someone, especially early on, and they can't even be bothered putting their phone away then that's it over as far as I'm concerned."
No Hesitation
"Introduce me to people immediately (my fiancé always does this and I wish more partners did). If he knows them, it's always "hey X, this is my fiancé Y" and if he's just meeting them too, it's "hi I'm X and this is my fiancé Y" It immediately welcomes me into the conversation (no awkward standing around while they talk), let's people know we're together, and is helpful because I can be shy/reserved."
After all this, is there really anything better than just a straight up hug at the end of a rough day?
Get In Here, Man
"Just a hug ..... it's so magical sometimes... :,)"
"Can I just say its interesting how both this question, and the gender-swapped version on this subreddit almost always contain multiple answers of "can't we just hug more?"
"LETS HUG MORE. I'M COMPLETELY ON BOARD."
"Platonic intimacy in general should be more common. There is a correlation between depression and being single"
We're All More Than Our Looks
"If you're complimenting a girl, instead of complimenting her looks (anything physical), give her a small complement about a part of her personality. goes farther than you would think"
"One of my male coworkers once complimented my thought process. He said that I approached things philosophically."
"And I have never ever ever ever forgotten that compliment. It pleased the hell out of me."
"The best part was that it was genuine and I know it was because he never once tried to hit on me. He wasn't trying flattery to get my attention."
"That is the one and only time a dude has offered a compliment(no strings attached) that wasn't about my appearance."
Keep It Professional
"For guys who are friends/associates who are seeking Platonic relationships- I like when you include my boyfriend in a conversation that you have with me. It immediately shows that you want to be friendly to both of us, and minimizes any concerns I have about your potential interest in me (because it comes across as b-tchy if I say "I have a boyfriend," when I don't know your intentions)."
"More importantly, my boyfriend also likes friendship. We can all do friendship together."
"This for real! The guy friends I work with will practically hit on my hubby whenever he comes around 😂"
"I tend to be a bit wary of the guys who try to get close to me, but avoid my husband like the plague. (We work same facility, different areas)"
Be respectful. Be attentive. Really listen.
These aren't foreign actions to take. They're just showing the women in your life you want to try your best. That's what these women want, at least.
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