When an injury sidelined one woman, she was forced to spend her sophomore year home from college living with her parents to recover.
But it seems her mortification at just how loud her sex toy actually was is something she will never recover from.
Reddit user "DrBocker" posted her tale on Reddit's "Today I F*cked Up" (TIFU) thread, a place where only the most embarrassing and shameful acts are documented.
Note, however, that this particular TIFU took place several years ago.
First, the Original Poster (OP) sets the scene:
"To paint a picture, my parents were not sex positive, or negative. Was never given the talk but was never told to abstain."
"I went to college my freshman year, and now that I had a mailbox that wasn't my parents, I bought a vibrator."
"I broke my back freshman year (100% recovery, minor surgery) and so I subsequently took a gap year back at home to recover."
As many stuck home during the pandemic have learned, there is one activity that tends to be better than most at passing the time at home...
"Enter vibrator. I was 19, still a horny teenager, and banned from sexual intercourse for 6 months because of my back. I did the deed frequently to say the least. Door closed, locked, whatever."
But a chance discovery suddenly revealed to the OP just how NOT foolproof her methods were.
"One day I'm home alone, and I decide to get down to business. I turn the vibrator on when I realize I left my phone in the other room, so I run out to grab it."
"I leave my room without turning off the vibrator and ITS SO LOUD."
"The room I'm going to is at the end of the hallway, PAST my parents room. Meaning, if I can hear this buzzing from this room, my parents can 100% hear it."
"I do a quick canvas of the house and realize there is not a single spot where you can't hear the vibrator."
Oh dear.
"I had flashbacks to the countless times my parents were in their room at night probably listening to a faint buzzing and laughing at me."
"I've never thrown out something so quickly in my life. My parents never addressed it, but they know."
Plenty of Redditors enjoyed the opportunity for jokes, twisting the knife in a bit.
"I can see your parents in bed now. Mom reading, Father slowly drifting off. Then suddenly the buzzing. Your parents look at each other, an unspoken conversation happening there by the light of the bedside lamp."
"Your Father rolls the pillow around his head to drown out the sound and the thought of what it means. Your mother rolling her eyes and debating for the umpteenth time if she should get up and say something."
"Your Father is mentally singing John Jacob Jingle-himer Schmidt. Your Mother is counting the minutes and wondering if you might hurt yourself." -- Bar_Sinister
"Glad you threw it out. I could hear it in Australia." -- ideclare_drakesucks
"Don't worry, they found that out much earlier. The letters of noise complaint by the other students in the dorm tipped them off." -- alarming_c*ck
"Came here to see what the buzz was about." -- OkVolume1
Some had tips for a sly recovery.
"Should have immediately bought a vibrating back massager and then use it in the living room so they think that's what they always heard." -- cyanidelemonade
"Next time you see them, say something about, 'Remember how I broke my back and then took to beekeeping in my room?' and they'll say, 'I didn't know you were beekeeping in your room, that explains the buzzing!' " -- mbreal23
"You need to show up with a bunch of wooden figurines as Christmas gifts this year and be like, 'I've been sanding these all year as a surprise gift for you guys....with my high powered belt sander in my room!' " -- bruteski226
And then there's the not-so-sly.
"F*ck it. If they heard it a bunch of times at that point, no point in getting rid of it. Just rock it as loud as possible." -- zeruff8
"Where can I buy a vibrator this powerful? Asking for a friend." -- cfountain11
The narrator is too ashamed and her parents are too awkward to ever confront this situation out in the open.
She must continue life doomed to be stuck wondering what's going on in her parents' heads, and how they occupied themselves literally during her most pleasurable moments.
@GregAbbott_TX/X
