Family relationships are already complex, but the involvement of in-laws and an adult relationship take the dynamics of family to a whole other level.
But if someone's spouse were to tragically pass away, they'd have to decide what the future of their family would look like, and whether or not they'd want their in-laws, who'd technically then be disconnected, to stay in the picture.
Redditor TLMoore93 asked:
"If your spouse passed away, would you maintain a relationship with your in-laws? Why or why not?"
Putting Grandchildren First
"Yes, so they could continue to have a relationship with their grandchild."
- CharsOwnRX-78-2
"Absolutely this. In addition, I trust my in-laws alone with my child more than I trust my father, to the extent I have listed custody arrangements in my will. In-laws definitely go before my dad in the custody line."
"I have every expectation that in the event of the worst, they would absolutely still be there for me and my child."
- nutbrownrose
Avoiding Family Drama
"Two of my in-laws don't get along (his sibling and one of his parents). My husband has already told them basically, 'Don't be a**holes if I'm dying.'"
"He does have a disease that can but isn't guaranteed to end his life earlier than average ... anything can happen. We are in our 30s, he was told he wouldn't live past his teens. He's good right now, all things considered."
"That being said, I can fully see my Mother-in-Law either being an angel or a thorn in my side if he passes before she does. Hope it's the former."
"Either way, I know what he wants, and that's no drama or disrespect... but if someone's being an a**hole, he doesn't want to be involved. So I'd be following that."
- Satansrainbowkitty
The Best Relationships
"Yes, they're nicer than my parents."
- Lowflyin
"My mother-in-law is nicer than my mom, anyway. No way I wouldn't be there for her, she's worked so hard to provide for my Fiancé, no way I could not keep her in my life."
- Thrilling1031
The Support System
"I know I've become a better person as an adult so I'm probably easier to get along with now, but the immediate acceptance and love I received from my fiance's family just endeared them to me a million times more than anything I've felt for my own family."
"He has also encouraged me to be closer to my own, which is great."
- Danceswithunicornz
Under Their Wing
"The second I started dating their son, my in-laws took me in and treated me like one of their own. I didn't know what a kind, loving family or parents were really like before, experiencing it was a huge revelation."
"I would absolutely maintain a relationship with them, and I know they would want the same."
- McMew
"My partner’s parents did the same with me. To feel unconditional parental love for the first time was surreal."
"My partner passed away five years ago and I am still close with his mom especially, she brings me so much comfort and I am so happy we have continued our relationship. We desperately needed each other in the early days of our grief and now I don’t think either of us could imagine it any other way."
- arrwine
A Close Bond
"We aren't married (yet) but I refer to my boyfriend's parents as my in-laws. And in turn, they introduce me to others as their daughter-in-law. My boyfriend's mom is my best friend. I absolutely love her to bits. We hit a rough patch a couple of years ago and she took me for coffee to talk about it and assured me that even if the worst happened, she would always be there for me and in my life whether he liked it or not, because she loves me."
"I didn't know what a real family was supposed to be like until I met them either. For my 18th birthday, the first birthday I spent with him, my boyfriend asked me what I wanted to do, and I had never really celebrated my birthday since I was a child because we either couldn't afford it or my mom and I were fighting over one thing or another."
"He knew this because I told him. So, on my birthday my boyfriend picked me up, took me to McDonald's to get a McFlurry, then took me to Dominos to pick up the pizza he ordered for us."
"When we got to his house, his mom had most of the lights off and she was standing in the kitchen with a cake, candles lit, and a gift bag on the counter. They started singing happy birthday when I walked in. To say I cried is an understatement. They have done this every single year since then."
"Christmas is regularly celebrated in my family because we save up for it. But man, that first Christmas I spent with my boyfriend, I cried again because when I got to his mom's house there was a stocking with my name on it and it was full. His whole family got me gifts."
"I wasn't prepared that year, but the next year I went ALL out on gifts for him and his family. His mom includes me in absolutely everything. And when I can't make it to something, I know d**n well she'll be phoning me on her drive home to tell me all about it and give me all the gossip.
- Burnt_Your_Toast
Together Through Grief
"My wife died, in my arms, on May 13th of cancer complications. Her dad called me last night to check in on me and her mom called the day before for the same reason. I call them Mom and Dad, and they will be that for the rest of my life."
- Cubbycupcake-Uther
"I'm so very sorry for your loss. We found out on May 25th that my wife has brain cancer. No cure... just have to treat it and deal with it as long as possible. I have been an absolute mess inside, but trying to hold it together for my two boys. She is the eternal optimist of the family and is ready for whatever comes next. We find out the biopsy results tomorrow."
"Her family is my family, and I know that we will have each other."
"I hope that you are ok and that you can find some peace. This is the worst. If there's anything I can take from this, it is that I will never waste a day... or the opportunity to help someone that needs it. My circle has been amazing, but I know not everyone has that."
- daddyboi83
Chosen Family is Forever
"My oldest sister passed away in 1989 before I was born in 1994. My whole life I've had this guy named Vince in my family. He's the nicest, sweetest, and funniest dude and has always been like a really fun uncle to me."
"He basically lived with my parents for years after my sister died. My Dad took him in as his pseudo son and even after he started dating this wonderful woman years later he would still come on family vacations with us."
"He asked my dad permission to marry his new girlfriend back in the 90s as a sign of respect. Of course, he said yes."
"Unfortunately two years ago or so she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and today her condition is getting worse and worse to the point he can't leave the house anymore."
"He has experienced unimaginable pain for a man to now go through what is essentially two deaths of wives in his life. Again, he's the nicest guy ever, and the positivity he's always carried about himself."
"But yes, if you have a good relationship with in-laws, keep it. Chosen family is forever."
- nightmarenarrative
On the Flip Side
"Absolutely not. I would never talk to them again. They are horrific people."
- Disastrous-Phase-797
"Although mine aren't horrific, they are definitely not my favorite people in the world. I have little to no interaction with them now so having no interaction at all sounds wonderful."
- tjcline09
Inhospitable Environment
"I would totally cut them out of my life. They are horrible people who think only of themselves."
"They've ruined every holiday, birthday, and special occasion where I've included them."
"This is my second marriage and I'm closer to my first in-laws than these posers. I only tolerate them occasionally for my husband but basically, I avoid them now."
- Ihavethebestdogs
Family Heritage
"I would. I like my wife's parents and extended family, and they'd certainly want to know how our son is doing."
"On top of that, my wife's side of the family is African-American, and I feel like my son should have some sort of connection to that heritage."
- Nihiliste
Positive Connections
"Not passed away, but I got divorced almost 20 years ago and still see my former MIL and SIL when they're in town. And I stay with them when I'm in their town. Love them!"
- alert_armidiglet
The Conflicted Answers
"I don't know. I really like my in-laws and consider them family, but aside from the fact that I married their daughter, we have no common ground. I think hanging out with them would ultimately just be painful."
- Anakin_Skywand
"That's what I am thinking. I would totally keep in contact with them, especially because my nephews from her side would be even more confused if I wouldn't visit anymore, and I love them, but I cannot picture how you can continue life if you stay too close to them."
"Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do when my wife passed all of a sudden. Besides losing my grandparents when I was 18, I have never faced a tragic loss and have no idea how I would react."
- ZedsDeadZD
Unconditional Love
"Today is actually my 5-year angeliversary."
"I do keep in contact with her family, and they have been my family for 19 years before she passed away."
"They are still my brothers and sisters. They are still my children's aunts and uncles, and grandmother."
"I still love them like I always have."
- ericstott
The Grandparent Connection
"I'm not widowed but divorced. I made sure my son, who decided on no contact with his dad, kept in touch with his paternal grandmother. We went to visit her at Christmas and her birthday, which is more than my ex did."
"No reason why she should miss out on a grandson entirely, just because we were not together anymore."
- yonthickie
While it's difficult to imagine what life would be like without our favorite loved one in our lives, it might be even more complicated to think of how the surrounding relationships would change.
There were some who saw those relationships dissolving immediately, but others felt they'd lean into these relationships more, accepting the support any of us would desperately need during such a time.
