A teenager living with her mother and significantly older stepfather was upset over news they were having a baby.
Redditor "notfairhotel" made it clear that she and her brother – who is a year older – do not like babies.
The Original Poster (OP) discovered that once the baby arrives, the newborn would be sharing the room with her because her "creepy" stepfather needs his sleep and believes the OP would benefit from the experience for when she eventually becomes a mother.
The OP asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for leaving her mother to go live with her biological father and stepmother instead of taking care of a baby.
"Let me explain a bit further," said the OP.
"I (15F) live with my mom (33F) and stepfather (55M). My stepfather, we'll call him Dave, married my mom a year ago and is not someone I get along with."
"He's much older than my mom by 20 years and creeps me out."
"Well a week ago my mom told me and my brother (16M) she's pregnant (apparently she's 4 months along). Neither of us were happy about it because we both don't like babies/kids, and it came as a shock since were both in high school."
The OP would soon discover she would be inconvenienced further.
"To make it worse, my mom told me the baby would be sharing my room. I was upset about that, but figured the baby would at least be in Dave and my moms bedroom for the first few months - but I was wrong because they meant AS SOON as it's born."
The reason behind the new living arrangements was worse and very sexist.
"Her reasoning was because Dave 'can't be woken up because he works long hours during the day and it would be easier since I'm in high school' and in Daves words, 'I'm a girl so it'll be like practice when I have my own kids' Which DOES NOT make any sense to me! I was LIVID."
Having her privacy violated in this way forced the OP to reach out to her biological father.
"When I was 7 or 8, I had a best friend with a newborn brother who had colic. And that baby screamed the house down at all hours of the day and night, I'm not about to deal with having a screaming baby keeping me up all night in my room with dirty diapers with NO privacy."
"Me and my mom got into a huge fight and I ended up calling my dad telling him the situation. He sided with me and came to get me the next day."
"She wasn't happy when I left and blew up my phone telling me I'm selfish, how I should be happy to have a new family member, that I'm obligated to help them out with the baby when it comes etc."
An opportunity presented itself, but seizing it would mean hurting her mother's feelings.
"My dad and stepmom told me I could live with them full time, which I would honestly love because their house is really cool (they own a ranch) and they've always been super down to earth."
"They live 3 hours away so I'd have to switch schools but I'm honestly fine with that."
"As for my brother, he wants to come live with our dad too because he doesn't want to live with a baby."
"My mom is very angry with me and keeps blowing up my phone, but I haven't spoken to her. I could hear her and my dad arguing over the phone about me."
Dave doesn't seem like a regular stepfather.
"I love my mom, but since Dave she always sides with him. He's so misogynistic and creepy, and the fact that he impregnated her and expects me to be a second mom to their baby is ridiculous."
"My brother said she's been crying a lot, and keeps trying to convince me to come back and makes me feel guilty."
The OP is struggling with the changes and her guilt for upsetting her mother.
"A few of my other family members on Dave's side are also saying that I'm selfish and a bad sister/daughter for making my mom so upset."
"I feel bad, but I just don't think I could room with a newborn baby. AITA?"
This Redditor explained exactly why the OP is NTA (Not the A**hole).
"NTA. WTF? That's not 'because mom was having a baby.'"
"That's 'because mom is dumping her baby on me.' As a father, a baby is not something that should be forced on anyone." – DaiZzedandConFuZed
"Definitely agree NTA given the situation."
Communication between the mother and daughter was strongly suggested to prevent the family from falling apart.
"But it seems there are some issues that are unresolved between the mother and daughter, and they should talk about them so that new wounds and tensions in their relationship are not further exacerbated."
"It's clear that they care about each other and it would be terrible for a family to fall apart just because they haven't sufficiently communicated their concerns with each other." – YourCharacterCounts
"It's so sad that you and your mom had a decent relationship before him."
"My mom and I are close and I can't imagine how being in this situation would feel. And the way she has disregarded what you have told her about Dave, I'd feel so betrayed if my mom did that."
"He sounds like a total creep." – pobream
This Redditor had some compassion for the mother, who must have gone through the wringer and is grappling with the possibility she could lose her teenage kids.
"I can't help but feel for her mother too. She had a baby at 17, was divorced with two kids, married a controlling misogynistic older man and now that she carries his baby she is losing her children - which seems to be devastating for her."
"Honestly, I think the mother's story is f'ked up too and what's worse there's not much she can do now. OP did the right thing of course, maybe this will be a wake-up call for her mother." – Edensy
But the following people showed no mercy when slamming the mother for her decisions.
"She had a baby at 17 and another one at 18, that's being irresponsible as f'k in my book."
"And then she goes and marries a misogynistic guy that's 20 years his senior without any regard for the feelings of her kids. On top of that she gets pregnant from the old f'k and wants to put her daughter through the stress of having a baby waking her up at night?"
"Honestly f'k her, her story may be f'ked up, but it's a product of her decisions." – chogeRR
"It's honestly disgusting that she married a dude old enough to be your grandpa, now she's popping out his baby? Vomit."
"And expected YOU to get up with it at night? Bahahaha. She thought she had it figured out, didn't she... don't back down, she just wants child support and that sweet free live in nanny service." – Lucy_in_the_sky_0
This Redditor has experienced sharing a room with a newborn and confirmed the OP's fears.
"I have to admit, I am also fifteen and I share my room with my three year old sister. It does get that bad."
"I am essentially my sisters mother, and if OP has a way out of this situation they should DEFINITELY take it because a sibling ruined my life and by the way you put it, wouldn't do much good for hers either." – _xsh_
The family fracturing over the changes is really unfortunate.
"I'm literally hurting reading this. I can't believe when parents put their new partners or spouses before their children, especially since Dave has been blatantly creepy towards you."
"It's great that you have a supportive dad and it's sounds like you have an awesome brother." – pobream
Two hours after posting, the OP said her mother continued to bombard her with text messages and tried calling her.
She took the advice of Redditors and blocked her mother.
After getting consent from her father to use his phone, the OP texted her mother expressing:
"there's nothing left for me to say."
"Before Dave, me and her had a good relationship and had I known she had so many screwed up opinions I would have been with my dad this whole time."
"I've been finding stuff out about my mom and Dave and it's disturbing to say the least. Me and my brother have been speaking this whole time and we're coming to get him this weekend. He's also bringing some of my stuff too. I'll keep updating as the situation evolves!"
The last thing the OP needs as a 15-year-old of divorced parents is being forced to become a mom to her own mother's baby.
The book The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance is available here.
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