Teachers Share The Most Inappropriate Comments Students Made That They Secretly Found Hilarious

Young Sailors

"I teach kindergarten. One of my sweetest little girls, coming inside from recess, smiled and said, 'Man, it’s f**king cold outside!'"

"I asked her to repeat herself, and sure enough, I heard her correctly. It was hard not to laugh!"

- Square-Set7031

Breaking the Fourth Wall

"A friend of my parents was acting in a University play as Poseidon, who was evil and had various dastardly monologues throughout detailing his nefarious mind."

"Anyway, a group of school kids sat in the front row in the audience, all about nine years old."

"In the middle of a particularly intense and malicious speech, one of them stood up and shouted, 'F**k off, Poseidon, you’re a w*nker!'"

- Spiritual_Review_754

Road Rage

"My daughter, the cutest little blonde-haired thing, around three years old at that stage, was in her car seat behind me en route to the crèche when someone cut me off."

"I didn’t shout but I just leaned on the horn for what seemed like forever."

"When I finally let off the horn and sat back in my seat, this concerned little voice from behind me asked, 'Daddy, is that guy a [c-word]?'"

- icallshenannigans

Inappropriate Presentation

"9th-grade student did a report on Whaling. The rubric required images on every slide and, to get their points, students needed to explain their images. Thinking that I wouldn’t notice, he decided to use images of Sperm Whale penises. A new photo on every slide of large pink whale penises breaching the ocean waves from all angles."

"I asked him to explain his images. He said, 'Well, that’s where you get the sperm.' With a very straight face, I asked him to come in at lunch. With grave seriousness, I explained that, now that he had exposed 30+ kids to whale penises, we would need to let his parents know."

"So, he called his mom and, voice cracking he said, 'Mom… I put a whale penis on my slides,' and started to cry. His mom talked to him about making good choices and how this might affect how others perceive him."

"But, later, when his mom chaperoned a field trip, we laughed and laughed. She made him tell his dad later that night and once they were alone, his parents laughed until they cried. I shared the presentation with my boss, and we thought it was so funny."

"How brave!! How stupid!! This is the most famous story in my group of friends, and I love getting to tell it at gatherings."

- esowmmm

Hating Vegetables

"A kindergartener shoved her hand into the spinach at the salad line in lunch, held it up, and shouted, 'Leafs is for sheep!' before throwing it in the ground in disgust."

"I had to walk away while another teacher scolded her for wasting food because I couldn't keep a straight face."

- sonomamayana

The Butt of the Joke

"Elementary PE class was getting lined up to leave the gym. The biggest kid in my class bent over and of course, had half of his butt crack pop up the back of his pants."

"The smallest kid in class with his high-pitched voice proceeded to yell, 'Release the Kraken!'"

" I was getting ready to get on him when the big kid started to lose his mind laughing. Once he started, the rest of the class and myself started. The big kid was an awesome young man and said he thought it was hilarious."

- manofsteele3297

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

"After telling a kid he needed to buckle down and get work done, he point-blank told me that if I just sit there on my a** all day, he can sit on his a** and not do work too."

"Ballsy move, kid. It didn't pay off as I sent him downstairs, but I still chuckle about it."

- Deezypeezy

Big Negotiator

"I handed a detention slip to one of my ninth-grade students, and he tried begging his way out of it. He eventually said, 'Who do I have to kill or sleep with to get out of this?'"

"He was not aware that the administrator in charge of discipline had quietly entered the room immediately prior to this. (This was the hilarious part.)"

"I later related this event to the middle school football coach, without naming the student. He replied, 'That sounds like something [actual name of student] would do.'"

- EvilSnack

Main Character Energy

"I once had a kid with ADHD, regularly late, really late."

"One time he turned up and I said, 'John, you're late again. It's nearly 11 o'clock.'"

"He replied, 'What's the problem, you're open all day!?'"

- R0gu3tr4d3r

Danny DeVito

"Kid printed 1000 copies of Danny Devito photoshopped into a chip and labeled 'Danny Dorito' and taped copies of it everywhere."

- Riot55

Inappropriately Funny

"I teach seven- and eight-year-olds at the minute. At lunchtime I overheard Child A say to Child B that they can't eat something because they have a nut allergy."

"Then Child C came in with the comment, 'But are you allergic to THESE NUTS?' as he cupped his pants."

"I had to call him out, of course, but I was laughing on the inside! As the child was in tears for getting in trouble."

- NostalgicDreaming

'Your Mom' Jokester

"I was teaching a Southern Indian immigrant kid with a strong accent. Kids were riffing 'yo momma' jokes about him."

"The kid got everyone's attention and then dropped, 'I, too, would make fun of your mother, excepting that cows are sacred in my culture.'"

- thereprbate

Funny Because It's True

"My wife is a teacher and had to tell off a group of her kids for consistently calling another kid Karen (not her name)."

"Problem is, the kid in question is definitely a Karen and my wife secretly thinks it's hilarious."

- toomunchkin

Literally

"My wife, a middle school teacher, once told a kid to walk over and flip off the light switch so the class could see the overhead projector easier."

"So... he walked over and gave the switch the bird."

- Tactically_Fat

For the Love of Science

"We were doing some very basic fermentation experiments in high school, the one where you add in different amounts of yeast, warm water, and sugar in flasks and you place a balloon over the top to see which one expands the most (aka produces the most carbon dioxide)."

"Anyways, one of the groups overdid it and their balloon exploded sending a gooey yeast mess all over the four group members."

"One of the kids stands up, removes his goggles, and shouts, 'I f**king love science!' at the top of his lungs."

"This happened to be during an observation. The admin was also trying to suppress her laughter."

- chaparrita_brava

Though there were teachable moments sprinkled throughout these stories, it's more heartening to imagine these teachers having something to laugh about at the end of their long work days.