Oh good, here's something nobody wants or asked for--former Republican Alaska Governor and 2008 candidate for Vice President Sarah Palin is considering running for Senate next year against incumbent Alaska Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski. Because we don't have enough problems in America already.
Palin made her non-announcement announcement at a recent religious conference hosted by two virulently anti-LGBTQ Christian organizations. Palin said she'd run "if God wants me to."
Somebody please reset the simulation because it's glitched us back to 2008.
You can watch Palin's charming comments below, if you feel like screaming "NO!" like Michael Scott until your vocal cords snap like twigs.
the office no GIF Giphy
Palin warned that a "rapid shift to the Left" was dooming America, a preposterous notion after four years of Christian conservative rule, an all but non-existent Democratic Senate majority, and the most right-wing judiciary and Supreme Court in American history.
But then, the Christian Right has never really been known for its nuanced accuracy about... well anything, really, including the teachings of the man they worship.
Anyway, what constitutes this supposed leftward shift, according to Palin? The usual Republican bugaboos: LGBTQ rights, access to healthcare and, of course, Democrats' diabolical plots to make voting easy and secure. She also opposes efforts to combat the pandemic.
As she put it to the crowd at the conference:
"How dare we strip from our Creator what our founders had dedicated to him? How dare you try to take that back and change if for mankind, for some kind of secular use, secular enjoyment?"
Palin also warned what will happen if Christian Republicans don't take over the government.
"Otherwise, what was given to God will be taken away from God."
Ma'am, with all due respect: WTF are you talking about? How does one give something to God in the first place, let alone take something away from him? He's literally GOD for, well, God's sake.
It was a fittingly nonsensical statement for Palin, who rose to infamy as former Republican Senator John McCain's appallingly inarticulate running mate in his ill-fated run against former Democratic President Barack Obama in 2008.
Her candidacy was plagued by scandal from the start, and her seeming lack of even rudimentary knowledge of the functions of government did little to ingratiate her even to many conservative voters.
So, unsurprisingly, the internet greeted Palin's tease with a hearty, "ABSOLUTELY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY NO THANK YOU."
Palin resigned from the governorship of Alaska shortly after she and McCain lost the 2008 election.
Aside from stints of media punditry, she has not returned to politics since.