Married People Divulge Which Things They Consider Cheating

From cuddling with a best friend to entertaining a confidant to inviting someone into bed, there are many different ways a person could go from a friendship to an affair.

But that all depends on the agreements within their romantic relationship, and every couple is different when it comes to their boundaries.

Curious about others' deal breakers, a Redditor asked:

"Married people of Reddit, what do you consider cheating?"

Being Too Available To Other People

"Cheating is a process, not an event. Don't take those first steps down that road in your own mind and heart."

"Before you can be in any kind of situation, you have to be available to it. Be available to your spouse."

- capitalistmike

"When the question of, 'Is it appropriate for my romantic partner to have friends of the opposite sex' comes up, this is where my head goes."

"I think it comes down to, if you are truly honest and open with yourself, are you attracted to this person? Is there any part of you that knows that you're treating this relationship in some way as an escape from your romantic partner?"

"Very few people go out with the full intention of cheating, but they take actions that make it much more likely that they will cheat."

- EastUnique3586

Don't Hide From Your Partner

"Pretty much anything that you’re hiding from your partner because you know that they won’t like it."

"Tripping and falling onto another guy’s penis, for example. Or feeling like you have to keep your phone locked around your partner."

- ReaverRogue

"Transparency and accountability are critical. My wife knows my password to my phone. I doubt she snoops, but the fact that I have no problem handing her my phone when she wants to look up something speaks volumes."

"Also, I've had offers. Not flirting, but outright propositions. My wife knows about all of them because I tell her. Not to make her paranoid, which she isn't, but because I won't have secrets between us. Except for her birthday present that I surprised her with yesterday morning."

- AnybodySeeMyKeys

Paying Attention To Someone Else

"Dead bedroom while husband pays for a 26-year-old’s pics on Only Fans, using a credit card only in his name that he uses 'for work purchases.'"

- pancake_sweater

"Girl, I feel you. Dead bedroom while following Only Fans girls on every platform."

- Majestic_Winter

Deliciously Offensive

"When she orders Chinese when I'm working nights."

- BunglingBoris

"Me when I get Burger King and she told me to eat healthy that week."

- PaleFondant2488

Emotionally Invested

"It's amazing how many don't actually understand that emotional affairs are just as bad."

"If you're deleting, covering up, or anything of the sorts, then it's an affair and disrespectful regardless of physical touch."

- ThisInfernalDelight

"Cheating isn't just about touching flesh. It is when you take the soft parts of your spirit and give them to a stranger while your woman gets nothing but your tired bones."

"If I am laughing and sharing secrets with some girl while my wife is at home doing all the chores alone, I have messed up."

"Some people think it only counts if you get in bed together, but that's a lie."

"Marriage is work that we have to do together. If you're letting someone else ease your mind while your partner carries the load alone, you're stealing from the one who helps you survive and thrive."

"You have to keep your heart and body in your home."

- PoorUncleJeb

Signs Of Being Totally Checked Out

"If you message people you’re having romantic feelings towards."

"If you hide your plans for the future."

"When you download 'The Art of Seduction' right before a trip away."

"When you lie to your spouse and tell them you’re not in someone’s DM’s."

"When you tell ChatGPT, your therapist, and your friend your grievances and plans to leave, but not your wife, even though she asks and gives you safe spaces to talk about these things."

"When your Reddit search history includes, 'how to find women in their 30s,' 'divorced dads,' and 'dating.'"

"When you hide in the library reading, 'Models: How to Attract Women with Honesty' while your wife is at home with your kids."

- intoon

Too Hurtful To Fix

"Emotional relationships are cheating, not just physical."

"She kept saying, 'I didn’t sleep with him, what’s your problem?'"

"For a while, I thought there was something wrong with me. Why can’t I come to terms with it?"

"Eventually, I realized that it was cheating, and I was traumatized by it. Still processing it."

- Excuse-Spare

"Yep, an emotional affair devastated me. When she kept referring to them as 'we' multiple times in a conversation, it basically killed my spirit."

"There was no 'us' anymore to her, which makes the gaslighting that I didn't have to worry all the crazier in hindsight."

- Arsalanred

The Leftovers In The Fridge

"Secretly eating the rest of the godd**n ice cream that you know was my portion, and which I told you I was saving for the weekend."

- putsch80

"I went out to dinner with my best friend to a nice restaurant when they came to visit. I took half my delicious ravioli home and told my (now ex) boyfriend not to touch it cause I'll have it after work the next day while he was at his martial arts class."

"The next day, I was excited. Even stopped at a bakery to get a garlic cheese bun to eat with my ravioli. Went to the fridge, grabbed the container, and it was concerningly light."

"He left ONE ravioli in the container. He left me ONE."

"There's a reason why he's an ex. (This, and he tried to cheat on me with his ex.)"

- SacredTumbleweeds

A Guilty Conscience

"My wife wanted to know why I never get jealous. I told her that I cannot stop her from cheating. Short of tying her up and keeping her in a closet, you can't. So there's no point in getting all mad about it."

"But there are consequences. Cheating is an instant dissolution of the marriage. No take-backs. No second chances."

"Once the trust is gone, there's nothing upon which to rebuild. It's over. She can do as she wants, but those are the consequences."

"A few days later, she complained to me that it felt like 'the sword of Damocles is hanging over me,' and she couldn't take the pressure. Woman, that sounds like you were planning on cheating all along, or already have."

- A_Nonny_Muse

When They Won't Talk To Their Partner

"When they have a conversation with someone, ANYONE, else, about you and/or your relationship, that they refuse to have with you."

"Talking to friends is a great way to work through a problem to understand it better with an outside perspective, but you have to actually tackle those problems at home, too."

"Your partner is your teammate; the problem is your common enemy. Always."

- woofwoofci

Reserved For Partners

"I don’t need a list or rules lawyering on what technically constitutes cheating. We would both know it when we see it: giving the kinds of attention, physical or emotional, that ought to be reserved for spouses."

"The 'grey zone' is cheating."

"But for some common ones for us: p**n, strip clubs, having a crush… these are not a problem unless one of us gives it undue attention."

"It’s never been an issue since we both stay totally focused on our relationship."

- alphagettijoe

Not Prioritizing Your Partner

"Cheating for me would be no longer prioritizing me, hiding your physical/emotional relationship with another person, and having it negatively affect how much mental space you have for me."

"I'm in the likely minority of people who could pretty easily forgive an isolated physical tryst. People make dumb decisions in the moment. I have been with my wife for a long time, and I love her. I could see myself easily getting over a one-time thing, she confessed and regretted."

"But not giving me your whole, true self? Cheating."

- MasticatingElephant

Honoring Boundaries

"It doesn't matter what other people think. It matters what is considered cheating between you and your partner. I feel like a lot of people don't have the same understanding or talk openly of where lines are drawn."

- hillzers4l

Couples Who Watch Together, Stay Together!

"Watching ahead on the show you are watching together."

- binthrdnthat

"FINALLY."

- pantsforfatties

"Ugh... my Wife and I love period dramas and we have watched them all together! However, she could not help herself with Peaky Blinders while I was out of town for work. I may never see the show now."

- Dasstenzel

Only Do What You Want Your Partner To See You Do

"Married almost 35 years. My career is in advertising, which is replete with attractive, charismatic, and interesting people. And some of those people have what I would term elastic morals and ethics. Yet I've managed to spend my time in the business without a whiff of mischief."

"My rule of thumb is simple: Would I be having this conversation or doing this if my wife were standing next to me?"

"That's pretty much all you need to know."

- Throwawayamanager

It totally depends on a couple and what they're comfortable with when it comes to inappropriate behavior and cheating.

However, a good rule of thumb is that if this is something you know you shouldn't do with someone besides your partner, or if this is something you'd feel embarrassed or guilty to do with your partner watching, it's either cheating or on the slippery slope that leads to it.

Tread carefully and mindfully.