There are a lot of things a person could say to a man revealing his wife's dementia diagnosis, but "are you gonna get a girlfriend" should never, ever be one of them.
And yet, that is what former late-night icon Jay Leno says someone asked him when he opened up about his wife Mavis' struggle with the condition.
The two have been together since Leno, 75, was 25 years old and have been married since 1980. In 2024, Mavis was diagnosed with an advanced form of dementia.
In an interview with Maria Shriver, Leno shared that he's been a bit thrown off by the reactions he's gotten from some people when talking about Mavis.
For starters, Leno told Shriver that he has received a fair number of shocked reactions to the fact that he's staying with Mavis rather than leaving her.
Leno seemed mystified by these kinds of comments.
“They’re making a big thing out of it when you’re just doing the right thing, which you’re supposed to do."
"That used to be the norm, and then, when you strayed, that was the out-of-whack part."
"Now, the out-of-whack part is fairly common, and staying and doing what we’re supposed to do is stunning to people. We kind of made a deal, you know?”
But one comment in particular has stood out the most: A fellow Hollywood colleague who assumed he'd find a side piece now that Mavis is increasingly incapacitated.
“My favorite thing was, this is the most Hollywood thing, a guy said to me: ‘So, are you going to get a girlfriend now?’”
"I have a girlfriend. I’m married! I’ve been married for 45 years!"
"He’s like: ‘Yeah, but, you know…’ No. We are in this together… You can’t… ‘Honey, I’m seeing my girlfriend, I’ll be back later.'"
"It was just the most Hollywood thing. It made me laugh.”
On social media, many people were just as appalled as Leno at the comment.
Sadly, the question isn't actually that shocking: Multiple studies have shown that men leaving their wives when they become incapacitated is not only common, but they do so at rates that are orders of magnitude more often than women.
Leno, obviously is not one of them. And he went on to tell Shriver that he's just grateful he has the resources to be there for Mavis.
"The people I feel sorry for; nurse, policeman, teacher, you’ve got a job, and you’ve got to take care of elderly parents or a spouse or something like that."
"I can afford to have someone with Mavis when I’m not there... I never want to be all ‘woe is me,’ because it’s not."
"I’m very fortunate. And like I’ve said a bunch of times, you take a vow when you get married, and people are stunned that you would live up to it.”
If only more men had this attitude.
