Halloween can be a lot of work. First you've got to brainstorm what you're going to be, then figure out how to make it, then buy the materials, then find a wig that will actually hang like hair and not hay, then come up with a make-up concept, and somehow you've got to pull all this together on your budget of $.50 or less. And because you're nothing if not a procrastinator, you've got just 36 hours to do it all, start to finish.
It's easier to just go to a Halloween store and buy a Poe Dameron from Star Wars kit in a bag and call it a day.
Except it turns out those Halloween costumes are just as harried and budget-strapped as you are, at least when it comes to one key component in the stuffing-cheap-polyester-Halloween-costumes-into-a-plastic-bag industry: the licensing. See, you can't just slap Poe Dameron or Star Wars on a package and call it a day. Because Disney owns that copyright. You'd have to pay them eleventy-billion dollars (that's an actual figure, I looked it up) just to use those words.
So what's a costume manufacturer to do? Well, from the looks of a recent Twitter trend, just rename the costume "Paul Cameron from Asteroid Combat" and trust that you're safe from legal action!
It all started when Entertainment Weekly writer Dana Schwartz posted a picture this preposterous costume from the movie Notionless. You know the one--it's a 90s classic! Notionless!
Show me your favorite knock-off Halloween costume. Right now, I'm team "Notionless" because the designer wanted to… https://t.co/zxJd3mdXH5— No Dana, only Zuul Schwartz (@No Dana, only Zuul Schwartz)1540229289.0
And from there it was off to the races with some truly ridiculous costume names:
@DanaSchwartzzz This might be my all time favorite. The best part is the "or Padre" for just in case you decide you… https://t.co/tdtzyFL02E— Haley (@Haley)1540235846.0
I applaud the use of "padre" and not just regular ol' milquetoast "priest." Fun and kicky!
@DanaSchwartzzz I loved playing Video Game Guy as a child! https://t.co/YJm2aDeera— jAAAAHH!!!son Lasica (@jAAAAHH!!!son Lasica)1540230057.0
Man, I still have never beat the final level of Video Game Guy to this day!
@DanaSchwartzzz I mean the laziness... https://t.co/WdqRCqPy7H— 👻Boo-ving🎃 Sober, Again. (@👻Boo-ving🎃 Sober, Again.)1540229698.0
And they just got... well, frankly, stupider from there!
@DanaSchwartzzz https://t.co/000yYA4hrb— Danny Goldberg (@Danny Goldberg)1540229388.0
@DanaSchwartzzz "Ladies Sexy Factory Worker" is forever my favorite https://t.co/Y04UHZI8wT— laurie b.dufrane (@laurie b.dufrane)1540234126.0
@DanaSchwartzzz I didn’t think I needed to buy a costume for this... https://t.co/hMWGXXsgmt— 👻Boo-ving🎃 Sober, Again. (@👻Boo-ving🎃 Sober, Again.)1540229826.0
@DanaSchwartzzz Tfw you eat in the library https://t.co/z5rxzfC2kx— 🦇Spooky Lesbos🎃 (@🦇Spooky Lesbos🎃)1540232184.0
@DanaSchwartzzz That old classic: Mischievous Worker https://t.co/vOW2RTpLBj— Kaz (@Kaz)1540242819.0
(Ed. note: I do not know what this actually is... so well done stumping the copyright lawyers to the good people at Wicked Costume!)
@DanaSchwartzzz https://t.co/qU5AuuryWi— Cardi Zombie (@Cardi Zombie)1540231495.0
@DanaSchwartzzz https://t.co/QZBSNcQfIi— Angela Smith (@Angela Smith)1540229692.0
i laughed about "Supportive Burger Wife" for 15 minutes.
@DanaSchwartzzz The official uniform of Kansas https://t.co/PfkzsPG5Zg— ✨Courtney🌙 (@✨Courtney🌙)1540235662.0
But the best one of all, by far was...
@the_doria this cannot be real— No Dana, only Zuul Schwartz (@No Dana, only Zuul Schwartz)1540229760.0
Everyone's favorite character from Hurly Flopter and the Phlippiter of Zlakterflan!
@PAYOLETTER This is so stupid and yet I am legit laughing so hard I’m crying. I wasn’t smart enough for Hogwarts, l… https://t.co/HQaV7VSnbF— Jessica (@Jessica)1509637129.0
@DanaSchwartzzz @the_doria At Chogborts they have a class on pulling quarters out of people's ears— Arthur Chu (@Arthur Chu)1540232655.0
I, for one, am never making my own costume ever again. Just gonna be Hermany from Chogborts every Halloween for the rest of my life. Why mess with the perfect thing?!