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Funny People Share Things Sure To Instantly Derail A Date

Thomas Dane
By Thomas DaneJul 24, 2018
Thomas Dane
Thomas Dane is a New York City based writer/actor/producer. He has had his plays produced nationally and as an actor has toured internationally. He holds a BA from the International Fine Arts College in Miami, Florida. Currently, you can see him in the Award-winning sex comedy 'Cake.' He loves dogs and is a single Sagittarius. Adele and Madonna are his greatest inspirations... as they should be for the world. Thanks for reading.
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Funny People Share Things Sure To Instantly Derail A Date

[rebelmouse-image 18350136 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Dating is not for the faint of heart. Running through the muck of the yuck that is out there in the single world can drive anyone to Betty Ford in record time. It feels as though people have completely lost their minds. Literally! You give somebody a chance to only discover that dying alone is actually the life prize instead of dying by the hands of your dinner companion. Especially if they have a familiar resemblance to someone from a recent 'America's Most Wanted' episode.

Redditor _PM_Me_YourTinyBoobs needed everyone to share a couple of dating war stories by asking... _What is one thing you can say to instantly derail a date?

GEOGRAPHICAL LOGISTICS....

Are you sure this place isn't within 500 feet of a school or playground?

ObviousLibertarian

This is a good one wow.

Frungy

Cue police sirens

AnxiuosFox

WHERE'S DAD?

[rebelmouse-image 18350137 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I hope it's ok I brought my mom, too.

ARE WE IN ALABAMA?

[rebelmouse-image 18350138 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"You're like a brother to me. A hot sexy brother."

orionmovere

I was kissing a girl once when she put her hand on my chest, pushed me away slightly, and informed me that she just realized that the weird feeling she'd been suppressing all day was that I reminded her of her cousin.

All I could muster was an "Oh. Uhhh, I'm sorry?" And then she said she had to go, to which I responded that I understood. Helped her gather her stuff, turned on the porch light for her, and went back inside very confused. Makes for a hilarious story for my friends though.

Anardrius

SOUNDS TEMPTING...

[rebelmouse-image 18350139 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Wanna come back to my mom's basement?

I MISS HER TOO AT THE MOMENT...

[rebelmouse-image 18348249 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I really miss my ex, but she got a restraining order so...

WTFJHILM

You so remind me of my ex, except I hope you're not as much of a bh... now let me tell you in detail what a bh she was....

Mitra-

'I miss my ex, but my aim is improving'

Dailynator

AND MY EYES?

[rebelmouse-image 18978210 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"My last date was cuter, but you at least have huge tits."

SUCH TALENT...

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"One time I livestreamed a jar of meat from my garage as it slowly turned into a putrid sludge. Got like 50,000 views on it."

Thankfully I'm married and don't have to deal with that crap anymore.

HONESTY IS A MUST...

[rebelmouse-image 18978213 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Once went on a date with a guy to a bar. It was going OK. I was just chugging away at my drink while he showed me pictures from his Facebook (exciting right?). I guess he could see I was starting to get a little out of it and then he leans in and whispers "don't worry, I'm not a creeper"

Lol nope g2g.

BUT I HAVE A COUPON!

[rebelmouse-image 18978215 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"It's 200 for the first hour, 150 for every hour thereafter."

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