Do people have the right to be picky about their engagement rings?
Or should they just be grateful?
A woman whose social media post went viral after being shared on Reddit sparked a debate about the standards one should have when being presented with an engagement ring.
The history of engagement rings is interesting.
Engagement rings weren't extremely popular until the 1940s, after the Great Depression, when the DeBeers Mining Company and its ad agency launched the now infamous catchphrase, "a diamond is forever."
"Now more than 80 percent of American brides get diamond engagement rings. According to a report by Jewelers of America, couples spent an average of $4,000 on an engagement ring in 2012."
Why Engagement Rings Are a Scam - Adam Ruins Everything www.youtube.com
But now, they're everywhere.
And they're expected to look a certain way:
a silver or gold colored band of gold or platinum and a giant diamond.
So when this woman received one from her boyfriend and it contained neither thing, she took to social media to complain.
To be clear, the woman posted her photo and comments on social media in a Facebook group. Someone else screenshot her post and posted it in the subReddit trashy to call out the woman's original post in another place as "trashy" behavior.
Reddit users did not, of course, react positively.
"Hope that guy takes the ring back and runs"
"It's a terrible engagement ring (pearls are soft and should only be worn occasionally) but don't post to Facebook about it. I hope he realizes she will be doing this with all their problems and that's super unhealthy."
"I mean I would never publicly declare it as such but that ring is pretty terrible. That said a ring is not really an important part of a relationship or marriage."
"Please tell me that this is a joke."
It also got attention on Twitter, where @bobbybonesshow posted an interesting question:
A girl is getting roasted on Reddit because she took to the Internet to share her hard disapproval of her engagemen… https://t.co/vGBleYLnDM— Bobby Bones Show (@Bobby Bones Show)1549979186.0
And people here also responded negatively.
@bobbybonesshow I think it’s fine to not like something, I also think the disapproval of something like an engageme… https://t.co/B8B3hiwWC6— Danielle Lauren (@Danielle Lauren)1549979827.0
@bobbybonesshow It's what the ring represents that matters. She might like another style better, but this smells l… https://t.co/hHsayeNlAu— Bama Fan (@Bama Fan)1549985525.0
@bobbybonesshow It's ok not to like an engagement ring, but talk to your boyfriend about it don't complain online! 🙄🤦♀️— Bonnie L. Pelland (@Bonnie L. Pelland)1549979482.0
@bobbybonesshow Sounds like he found out what he needed to know before they tied the knot!— john goldsmith (@john goldsmith)1549979544.0
@bobbybonesshow I think her fiancé needs to move on. This marriage is doomed.— Catherine Moylan (@Catherine Moylan)1549980149.0
But then, it turns out that maybe we didn't have the whole story to begin with.
"This was posted in a group for shaming rings. The mentality of the girls who shame their own engagement ring is to laugh instead of cry. Because they love their partners, who just happened to make unfortunate ring choices. It's supposed to be a safe space in that way. I get that initially it looks like a d*ck move to shame a ring, but majority of the girls who self shame are doing it as a sort of therapy. Just in case anyone wants a diff perspective from the usual schtick of 'b*tch is ungrateful, dump her'."
"FYI, this was posted specifically in a FB group about engagement rings. It was not on her timeline for her fiance and his family to see. Imo it is harsh, but then again, the ring is ugly. If my fiance had proposed with a ring like that one, I'd have asked him to return it so we could go pick out a ring we both like. You really ought to like your wedding/engagement rings because you'll be wearing them every day of your life and you may even be buried with them."
And it presents some interesting questions about how we deal with sensationalist posts online.
Someone went out of their way to take this out of a group made for ring shaming to put this woman on blast.
And she is being blasted.
@bobbybonesshow Selfish— teresa🎂 (@teresa🎂)1549979625.0
@bobbybonesshow It’s okay not to like it. It’s NOT okay to tell half the world. I don’t think she’s selfish. Just immature.— 98 KCQ (@98 KCQ)1550007353.0
@bobbybonesshow Very selfish...the person that gave her the ring should break it off!— Cindy (@Cindy)1549980100.0
@bobbybonesshow It’s ok to not like it...and to have a loving convo with your fiancé about finding something you lo… https://t.co/h5AVBDppN6— Tasha Ives (@Tasha Ives)1549985625.0
@bobbybonesshow Pretty selfish— 🇺🇸Brodie🇺🇸 (@🇺🇸Brodie🇺🇸)1549980629.0
But with context, people began to relent.
"We needed to hear this. Hear that, Reddit? Be nice."
"I know someone who really didn't like her engagement ring. The proposal was epic in every sense for her and anyone else who knows the story but the ring itself looks like something you would buy your first girlfriend in 6th grade for a whopping $35 at one of those mall kiosks."
"She secretly considered replacing her current diamonds in the ring with bigger diamonds she had from older jewelry and when consulting a jeweler she asked if the current diamonds could be replaced and they responded 'What diamonds?'."
"The diamonds in the band are so small you need a decent flashlight and still have to find the right angle to see them."
"On top of not her style or really anyone over the age of 8 the 6 diamonds across the band just look like pinholes.
This facebook group would have been her venting space if she did not have me."
"It seems the person who 'outed' her post is the real d*ck here."
"Yes, men don't realize how very upsetting it is to receive a strange, cheap or dated ring, when you've been looking forward to it for years. I tell everyone, 'Pick out your ring together - skip the surprise' and you'll be happier. I might add, this is the biggest present you will probably ever get from your husband, so make it a good one, because soon you will be getting socks and bathrobes for birthdays and Christmases."
Context is important—but so is safety. In conclusion, be careful what you post on the internet.
Nobody knows where it will end up.
If you're planning to take the plunge and want help, the book How To Buy An Engagement Ring: Get The Ring She Wants At A Price You'll Love is available here.