I don't know about you, but nothing gets me feeling stylish and edgy quite like poverty!
Every month when I open my student loan statement and see that my legacy will be tens of thousands of dollars of debt, I catwalk-stomp down my hallway to RuPaul's "Glamazon" while waving my iPhone flashlight to approximate flashbulbs because I feel like Gigi Hadid with a useless bachelor's degree.
But if you're having trouble finding your style groove, try this hot tip. The next time you're getting ready for a night on the town and not quite feeling yourself, look in the mirror and repeat the phrases, "wage stagnation," "record economic inequality," and "rising homelessness" and I promise you will feel stylish and avant garde.
Just kidding! All but five of us are going to die in debtor's prison and there is nothing funny or cool about poverty and its rapidly growing ranks.
Unless you're apparel brand Golden Goose that is!
The Italian fashion house just released its Fall 2018 line, which includes a pair of "distressed" sneakers that include tattered duct tape around the toes, just like the poors do it! The cost for this couture? $530--just shy of 70 hours of minimum wage work before taxes! Who says poors can't have style?!
As you might expect, social media was NOT having it with these duct-tape sneaks, which, I remind you, COST 530 ACTUAL DOLLARS:
we’ve already got a problem if any clothing description says “crumply, hold-it-all tape details a sneaker” but it’s… https://t.co/DxjDyvYl2J— Joon Lee (@Joon Lee) 1537324873.0
TrendWatch! Garbage Fashion Sneakers for MEN! 2018 is coming on hard in terms of fashion statements. Not only do… https://t.co/Dcn3eXNaje— Jeff Macke (@Jeff Macke) 1537291648.0
@csydelko I just checked and apparently there’s a whole line. Like ok cool let’s mock poverty https://t.co/WKhF15gRGG— Eliza T. ⚰️🦇 (@Eliza T. ⚰️🦇) 1537388838.0
i think peak capitalism is selling shoes characteristic of those who can’t afford new ones for $530 https://t.co/CJuKEQSpgO— JACOB (@JACOB) 1537399056.0
@csydelko I will never, in my entire life, understand the "distressed" trend/style. I could go to Target, buy a pai… https://t.co/Hkx1dsgpVs— Kaija 📖 (@Kaija 📖) 1537388876.0
This is freaking stupid! People actually buy this crap? I grew up in a low income household and I remember having… https://t.co/MHzwEWFVRu— 🅰🅶🅴🅽🆃 🅹 #CoulsonLives (@🅰🅶🅴🅽🆃 🅹 #CoulsonLives) 1537425924.0
The ‘Golden Goose’ here is anyone who would consider paying $530 for these glorified poverty sneakers. #auspol https://t.co/NeSS40Kksh— Sandra K Eckersley🔹 (@Sandra K Eckersley🔹) 1537421904.0
Every pair of Golden Goose sneakers is hand crafted and stitched in Italy each pair is different and obviously not… https://t.co/Np7ZKnGLRB— paul (@paul) 1537397396.0
The new fashion is wearing worn out looking shoes that include taped one that costs a bomb from $530 to $1340. Gl… https://t.co/YcrWGSVnNw— Kumar Manish (@Kumar Manish) 1537453152.0
okay maybe i’m being dramatic but i remember seeing kids getting harassed and made fun of endlessly in school for h… https://t.co/kHtcwk59dP— brooke🌻 (@brooke🌻) 1537390865.0
While others saw this as an opportunity:
Are people really out here paying $500 for brand new shoes that look worn out...bc if so I got some fire for you gu… https://t.co/sh9jQknFWU— Crea (@Crea) 1537399397.0
To be fair, the trend isn't new: Golden Goose got mocked back in 2016 for doing the same thing, and it's not like distressed clothing hasn't been a trend to one extent or another since the 1980s.
But "crumply, hold-it-all-together tape" as an accessory? Come on, guys.
On the bright side:
Free shipping tho https://t.co/nRlYLPZ0NH— Ed 💫 (@Ed 💫) 1537399218.0
So chin up, poors!