Children are amazing, magical, hilarious, wondrous, brilliant little beings. Please don't have them unless you really, really want them.
Those amazing, magical, hilarious, wondrous, brilliant little beings demand a LOT of time, resources, mental energy, physical energy ... like ... a lot.
There's a reason animals who raise their young do pretty much nothing BUT raise their young when they're a parent. It's hard, fam. But it's just what you're supposed to do at some point, right?
At one point that was the pervasive thinking, absolutely, and people do still seem to assume that if you're an adult in a long term relationship that kids are an inevitable thing. You're just supposed to have them, or at least WANT to have them as far as much of society is still concerned.
But tides are changing. People are starting to think of children as the kind of major life decision that requires some consideration - and lots are considering it and going "Nah."
But why? For those answers, we turn to this reddit thread:
Redditors who have decided they don't want to have children, what is your reasoning?
Look, at the end of the day we feel like just not wanting them is absolutely reason enough not to have them. They change EVERYTHING and are innocent in that, but may find themselves deeply resented by their parents for it. They didn't ask to be born, but are often the ones to suffer most for it.
So unless you really want them, it's probably best to avoid having them. If that's not a good enough reason, there are plenty more here for you to browse through.
Kids can - and should - be the absolute joy of your life if you want them. But not everyone does, and that's okay.
At one point that was the pervasive thinking, absolutely, and people do still seem to assume that if you're an adult in a long term relationship that kids are an inevitable thing. You're just supposed to have them, or at least WANT to have them as far as much of society is still concerned.
But tides are changing. People are starting to think of children as the kind of major life decision that requires some consideration - and lots are considering it and going "Nah."
But why? For those answers, we turn to this reddit thread:
Redditors who have decided they don't want to have children, what is your reasoning?
Look, at the end of the day we feel like just not wanting them is absolutely reason enough not to have them. They change EVERYTHING and are innocent in that, but may find themselves deeply resented by their parents for it. They didn't ask to be born, but are often the ones to suffer most for it.
So unless you really want them, it's probably best to avoid having them. If that's not a good enough reason, there are plenty more here for you to browse through.
Kids can - and should - be the absolute joy of your life if you want them. But not everyone does, and that's okay.
Terms And Conditions Apply
It is my belief that if you are going to have kids you should love them unconditionally no matter what. I have conditions.
Good on you for recognising that. Most people don't or lie to themselves that they don't. They push their conditions on their children under the guise of 'parenting' and 'knowing what's best/wisdom' and give their children lifelong psychological and emotional issues.
Caretaker Burnout
GiphyI took care of ALL of my parents' needs when they both fell devastatingly "cant wipe my own a$$" ill. My mom was sick for a couple years before passing due to diabetes Type 1 complications, then a year later my dad had a crazy bad stroke that took 3 years to moderately recover from.
My boyfriend was around to help me through both of these experiences thankfully, but its opened our eyes to how demanding taking care of another person is and we're not sure we're up for it. Could just be burn out as we could always change our minds later.
- Ayame550
Took care of both my parents when they were sick and helped raise my younger brother. Caring for people takes a lot of time, patience and is emotionally exhausting. My parents have since passed and my brother is older so he's more independent. This was all in my 20's. I'm drained. I want the rest of my life to be simple and focused on personal goals.
The Only Thing Worse Off Than You Is Your Kids
So many parents are uneducated individuals with no morals who don't discipline their kids and can't afford a twinkie, yet think they're parents-of-the-century. I feel like saying - No, you shouldn't have been a parent and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise.
I hate when people tell me I'd be a great parent. Like how would you know? The only thing worse off than you is your kids... but of course I can't say that..
Just No
I intentionally stopped answering this question a long time ago.
Nobody ever asks people who do want children what is their reasoning.
I could give you any number of reasons ranging from "My childhood wasn't that happy" to "I just don't see my life panning out that way", but when you get right down to it, I just don't want to and I don't understand people who do.
The Younger Sibling Trial
I had to raise my brothers, I got the free trial and want none of that sh!t.
Yep, same here, raised my two younger sisters, and my parents just can't understand why I am not giving them grandchildren. Yeah, been there, done that. No thank you.
Not The Default
I believe that children are a very serious and irreversible lifelong commitment and that the majority of society is wrong to consider them the default option rather than a conscious choice you make for good reasons.
With that belief in mind, I simply have no compelling reason for why I should have children and so I don't have them, because they should be an opt-in rather than an opt-out.
A List
- I don't think this (fcked up) world needs more people.
- I don't like children.
- I don't see myself as a parent and don't think I'd be good at it.
- I don't want to give up stuff like traveling to be responsible for another human who depends on me.
I'm a 25 year old woman. I hate hearing "you'll find the right man to have children with" - no, no I won't. I never wanted kids and I never will.
Get A Dog
GiphyI like kids and think they're cute, so I was like "maybe I really do want kids?"
Then I saw a dog and got 100% more excited than I ever am upon seeing a kid. I think that's a pretty solid sign...
I Can't Even Handle Me
I can barely handle my own emotions, what would I do with a young child that needs, well, whatever a young child needs?! I can barely handle my own fckin health what would I do with a small spawn that needs 3x as much??
100% The Money
It's 100% money for me. I'm the youngest of four, and all my life I've seen the havoc that a unplanned (hell even a planned) pregnancy can have on finances. Two of my siblings had plans for their lives but when kids happened those plans didn't. Another of my sister's straight up didn't even get a chance to have a future because she got pregnant in her early 20's and didn't even get a chance to go to college.
Only one of my siblings had kids and is alright financially, but that's because she worked her butt off for years, got married to a guy who also worked his butt off for years, and when they were in a financially stable position they had kids.
- Tupiekit
Contributing To A Different Population
I'm aromantic/asexual, so the idea of baby-making absolutely repulses me. No man is using my body like that ever. At first, it kinda sucked because I really want to have a family, but I realized that I have a horrible relationship with my siblings, so there's no guarantee that I'd even like my kids. I had an awful, lonely childhood and all the things I would have needed are things I simply don't have time to provide.
On top of all that, I have a birth defect that would give me a 60-75% chance of even carrying a baby to term and on top of that, my misshapen uterus would likely give the baby birth defects too. Even if I don't want kids, I know myself well enough to know that losing a baby would still wreck me emotionally, and I'd be at risk of multiple miscarriages and stillbirths. No way! Plus, I have ADHD and depression, both highly genetic conditions. It would be pretty horrible for me to risk passing any of that onto an innocent child just for my own fulfillment, not to mention extremely selfish.
Ironically enough, I'm considering breeding Cavalier King Charles Spaniels one day, so maybe I'll contribute to a different population. Cavaliers are angels.
Refuse To Put Another Person Through This
I have ADHD and a panic disorder. I can barely take care of myself, let alone another tiny human being. I'm also terrified of passing on my anxiety issues to anyone else, it's made my life a living hell and stole my teen years from me. I refuse to put anyone else through them.
- digicow
After Abuse
It's a lot of factors for me. Im 32 years old, asexual and sex repulsed due to severe sexual abuse in my childhood. This coupled with the fact that I have depression and anxiety and would have to go off said medication to have a child, opening me up to post partum depression and generally not being able to cope, I don't think it would be fair to subject a child to that.
My mother had me after years of abuse in a bad marriage and while she wasn't abusive towards me in any way, she had a lot less tolerance for me than she did my siblings, I feel. It's not her fault but I still feel it stunted her emotionally somehow.
Perhaps I might adopt in later life as I would like to give a disadvantaged child a chance at a good life when I am financially stable but I can't see that happening for at least another decade.
The Worst Accident
I have just never had a desire or interest. Children change your life entirely and if they don't, I think you're doing it wrong. I like my life as is. I'm not maternal and I think unless you're at least 95% in you shouldn't do it. I'm not even 5% in.
It always fascinates me that getting pregnant can happen by accident. It's the biggest life altering decision you can accidentally fall into. You've never accidentally bought a car. Most people spend more time debating a car purchase than having a child. It's insane.
I've also always hated when women, and it's almost always women, tell me I'll change my mind. I've been saying this since I was 16. I'm 32 and it's none of your damn business. Could you imagine if I told a pregnant woman she'd change her mind?
Just Not For Me
I don't think I ever decided, but it's something I just always knew. I'm not nurturing or caring especially towards kids and becoming pregnant wouldn't change that. I'm not the type to coo when I see baby. It's not that I hate children, I just don't particularly like them. Almost all of the time I just want to not interact with them and when I'm forced to it's just awkward for the kid and myself.
The idea of raising a life and being responsible for them, teaching them how to essentially be human is hard and terrifying. I'm a very strict person and I feel that my own upbringing would subconsciously affect how I would raise a child in a negative manner. The idea of someone depending on me in a maternal way has always left a visceral feeling that I can't explain and just makes me panic.
I have mental/health related problems and I don't want to even risk giving those issues to a child.
For "selfish" reasons, I just want to live for myself, do what I want when I want, and live an independent life. None of the things I want to do in life have a kid in the picture.
I sometimes think that people have kids because they think it's the natural progression of life or for whatever other reason they decide to bring life into this world, but I don't think it's something I need to do just because it's what's expected of me. The belief that I need to have a child to become a "woman" or that I need to have a child to have a "fulfilling life" is not something people can decide for me.
It's always been a little strange to me why people don't ask why others want kids rather than why they don't.
In other words, it's just not for me.
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Jane Rosenberg
Jane Rosenberg
