Inside jokes can be a fun part of any relationship. But what happens when outsiders draw the wrong conclusions when they overhear your private joke?
Are you responsible for correcting any misunderstandings or should they not make assumptions based on conversations they weren't part of?
A 24-year-old wife and mother is asking this question after coworkers drew some false conclusions about her relationship with her 39-year-old husband after hearing them joking around. After their assumptions lead to conflict with her husband, she turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor iwantedfreeshit asked:
"AITA for letting my coworkers think I'm going through a divorce?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband and I are moving two states away, as he recently landed his dream job. It's also in an area much cheaper than our current city, which is great.
"We have two kids, a 1yo girl and 5mo boy."
"My husband had to move earlier than me to start his job, and I'm staying in our old apartment with the kids until our lease is up while he looks for a new place. As he was packing his stuff, we started an ongoing inside joke about getting a divorce and me becoming a single mom, and as he moved out, I even jokingly threw his pillows off our balcony at him while he caught them."
"It was hilarious."
"Then the joke kept evolving, to where people at my office overheard me talking on the phone to him during breaks enough that they actually started to think we were getting a divorce. At first, I thought it was funny and just went with it, and then ... things got kind of awkward."
"Two of my supervisors ordered tons of baby stuff for my kids online, namely clothes, toys, etc., one coworker gave me her twin's old double stroller (which has been an absolute gamechanger for me) but what really made me feel bad was when the owner of the company decided to give me a HUGE bonus and a raise, and people have been buying me lunch almost every single day."
"The reason I feel bad accepting the bonus and all these gifts is because I plan on quitting, but everyone thinks it's a totally different story."
"When I told my husband about this, he went on a lengthy tirade about morals, telling me how I needed to apologize and give all the gifts and the bonus back. I told him it was too late and I'm moving, anyway, so who cares?"
"He said this could bite me in the ass when I try to job-hunt again down the road, but I'm gonna be a [stay-at-home-mom] (SAHM) when I move out to where he is, anyway, so it's not like I'll be job-hunting anytime soon."
"He then got really quiet, and when I finally got him to say something, he told me he was 'starting to realize my parents may have been right,' which really hurt my feelings because his parents have always hated me because they say I act like a child, which is ridiculous considering I work full-time and take care of my own children."
"My husband told me if I don't return the bonus and come clean on Monday, he'll call the owner of the company and do it himself on Tuesday. I told him this was insane, and he told me I'm a mother now, and I need to start 'acting like it' by 'setting a good example'."
"I blew up at him about the amount of stress I go through taking care of the kids and that I AM a good mom, and he just told me 'make your decision and call me back when you're done yelling' before hanging up."
"I haven't called him back yet, and this was Friday night. I hate giving my husband the silent treatment, but I'm so angry at him for the things he said."
"I know he's going to want to see the kids on video chat at some point tonight, though, so before I have to deal with him again, I think I need feedback."
"Am I really such an a**hole here?"
Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were clear in their judgment.
"Wow. This is insane. But YTA."
"If it was a couple items that were small. I'd be like. Yeah keep them."
"But you have been given lots of expensive gifts as well as a bonus. So you should come clean." ~ LittleLoudest01
"Yep. None of this was cheap and OP thinks, no big deal, I'm quitting anyway, so scoooore!"
"YTA AND his parents WERE RIGHT... Though, not really sure why he's shocked at this, he is almost 4o and you are 24 and clearly have been together a while to have kids."
"He now realizes that he may have fucked up and married a young woman who thinks it's cool to steal from others. That's a tough pill to swallow." ~ Lucy_in_the_sky_0
"OP's user name tells us everything."
"YTA, OP. Your husband and his folks are right. Just fess up and return everything and move on with a clear conscience." ~ LikeEveryoneSheKnows
"That's the problem—her conscience is clear. OP doesn't think she did anything wrong."
"I can't believe how awful this is!" ~ scoobysnax15
"YTA. You're letting people shower you with money and gifts because they feel sorry for you and you think there's a way here that you don't think you're an a**hole?"
"Seriously? If a coworker told the office they had cancer and you all took up a collection for them and then they moved away and laughed about it, you'd probably be pissed, wouldn't t you?" ~ NUTmeSHELL
"Agreed. OP is definitely YTA."
"She shouldn't have let people assume, and continued to take the items! There's this thing called morality, and ethics."
"Which OP's husband has, but she does not seem to possess. You can't do that to your co-workers. It's dishonest. And Wrong on so many levels." ~ Stormy8888
Redditors all agreed the OP took things too far. Taking advantage of her coworkers generosity was a definite a**hole move.
@IrnaEnglish/X
