Living with extended family can be hard.
Each generation has its own expectations and everyone needs their own space.
So what is a grandfather to do when his son and daughter-in-law want to have another baby under the same roof?
Redditor "thisisacrazedhouse" shared in the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, explaining his predicament. He and his wife originally offered to help his son and daughter-in-law while they got back on their feet.
But now it's been two years, they don't pay rent and they're talking about having a second baby under their shared roof.
The Redditor asked the thread:
"[Am I the A**hole] for telling my son and DIL that they can't have another kid under our roof?"
The Redditor explained first how his son and daughter-in-law had moved out-of-state.
"My eldest son and his wife got married a few years ago. Initially, they moved out of state after their wedding for my son's work. Then things went downhill."
"My DIL got pregnant and quit her job to be a SAHM. Shortly after the baby was born, however, my son lost his job as well. Their savings drained quickly and it was too expensive to live in their state."
He and his wife offered for the couple to stay with them while they got back on their feet.
"My wife and I said they could live with us while they got back on their feet, on the condition that both got jobs."
"This was 2 years ago and they've lived with us ever since. Both work and while they don't pay rent, they cover all their own expenses, along with the baby's."
While still living under the same roof, the couple recently shared their plans to have another baby.
The grandparents, however, did not support the decision while sharing a home.
"Recently, however, they told us that they were planning on having a second child."
"My wife and I said if they wanted a second child, they had to move out. We love our grandchild but we don't want another baby in the house."
"And to me, if they can afford another child, they can afford to move out."
The couple disagreed, saying it was up to them to have a baby or not.
"They said we can't tell them whether or not they can have another baby. I said if they're living in our house, I absolutely can."
"My wife and I still have two other kids living at home. My other son is a single parent as well and has a child (4) who lives here full time. He has no plans of having more kids and is close to moving out (would've sooner but with the shutdowns it messes up his search). We can't have another kid around here."
The Redditor turned to the thread, looking for a second opinion.
"Are we being a**holes here?"
His fellow Redditors commented anonymously, using the following scale:
- NTA: "Not the A**hole"
- YTA: "You're the A**hole"
- ESH: "Everybody Sucks Here"
- NAH: "No A**holes Here"
Some suggested that OP should give the couple a wake-up call about adulthood by charging rent.
"How can you model how to be an adult to your child when you still live at home with your parents AND you don't contribute financially to the running of the house?!" - frogblossoms
"What happened to all that 'Adulting' I hear about? Living in your parents not paying rent doesn't fit the bill." - jeheh
"Yes, time for tough-love, charging them rent will give them the motivation to grow, move out and move forward with their lives." - WyvernsRest
Others were surprised the couple would have the audacity to bring another baby into a house that's already so full, and not their property.
"NTA, if they can afford another child they can afford to move out and pay rent and be actual adults."
"I really can't believe the audacity of considering bringing another life into this world when you aren't completely supporting yourself to begin with." - Bullwinkles_progeny
"Also, having a child is about providing proper space for them. OP says they live in a house which hosts already them (2 adults), another single parent with child (1 adult, 1 minor) and them (2 adults, 1 minor)."
"That doesn't sound like circumstances I'd think of getting another child into. How irresponsible." - ChristieFox
"I can kind of get it. If there's never been any hostility about things previously and things have generally been smooth going then they would think it's ok as long as the financial burdens were going to stay divided the same."
"But I think it's totally reasonable for OP to make that decision. It's their house, and I imagine it's getting crowded/noisy." - Cosmic_Quasar
Two Redditors pointed out the couple may already be pregnant and were simply feeling out the situation.
"Because they expect the grandparents to be okay with raising grandchildren. They haven't assumed full responsibility over their lives or decisions because OP has too big of a heart and let them stay rent free for two years with their first child."
"They're now thinking and believing that their current situation is their norm and it seems like they're okay with continuing to live rent free from OP."
"OP, stand your ground and keep an eye on DIL (daughter-in-law). With that reaction, I wouldn't be surprised if they try to hide the next pregnancy from you." - SpudZillaNilla
"I wouldn't be surprised if they are already pregnant and were testing the waters before they told OP." - WanderWithHeart
The two generations of couples seem to have different understandings of what it means "to adult."
Hopefully, once the younger couple gets clear on what that financially means, they'll be able to make the best decision for everyone in the shared (and probably cramped) household.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*
The book Move The F**k Out: The Last Parenting Guide You'll Ever Need is available here.