Love is a tricky mistress.
Especially when you have a mistress.
Making that choice to be with someone forever is not a game.
That is why you have a preparation period.
The engagement?
That is the time when things get real.
Redditor qquackie wanted to hear about the times when people knew "goodbye" was the right answer. They asked:
"Redditors who broke up with their fiancés, what made you go from wanting to spend the rest of your life with them to not wanting to be with them at all?"
I have never been engaged. I hear it's a hoot. Until it's not...
HIM
Peace Out Goodbye GIF by NETFLIXGiphy"He relapsed on drugs and then told me all of our relationship problems were my mental health."
User Deleted
Naked
"Caught her butt naked with some random dude when we were supposed to meet up at a friend's home for a get together and I caught her in the spare bedroom while everyone else was hanging out and drinking, queue floodgates and find out she cheated on me up to double digit times and all the people at that friends get together knew she cheated on me often. Cut off all my friends and traumatized me for a long time but I’m better now."
PartyYoung8
“wait it out”
"He was my best friend and I really enjoyed our relationship. Honestly I hold no bad feelings for him. But he had a tendency to avoid communication when angry/sad/upset. At first it seemed like a minor problem I could adjust to but the passive aggressiveness and silent treatment(that he could manage for days on end) started to get to me."
"I felt like it was a form of control. He never accepted my apologies, never apologized himself, and would just 'wait it out' until he was ready to talk again. Then he’d just skip the fight and talk normal like it didn’t happen. So basically no issue we ever had was actually addressed and I was afraid to ever cause a confrontation because I knew it would be unresolved."
"It made me feel like I couldn’t fully trust him and the idea of doing that for life stopped be appealing."
milkvamp
Mind. Blown.
"I was engaged for a hot second when I was 19. I came home to find him doing another girl. I immediately moved out and then found out via facebook that the girl was 4 months pregnant with his baby. He proposed to me when his baby mama was 3 months pregnant and he knew she was pregnant with his kid. It just blows my mind lol."
is_this_funny2_u
Thief
julie newmar catwoman GIFGiphy"She decided her future was in a different country, took our savings with her."
RolandHockingAngling
Why is love so elusive? Why can't people be honest?
“what did you do today?”
Dog Talking GIFGiphy"She wouldn’t tell me where she was all day one day. And I’m not the controlling type. But she wouldn’t even answer an innocuous 'what did you do today?' question. By the time this all came to a head, it turned out she was on a date with another guy."
f0gax
Breakdown
"She went through a terrible, just truly terrible mental breakdown, leading to an eventual diagnosis. I did everything I could to keep her together, but it wasn't enough. At the end of it all I told her that I was going to stick it out, I'd do my best to work with her, but she HAD to listen to her doctors."
"She had to take all the advice she was given, she had to take her meds, she had to accept she had a mental illness and she had to deal with it. And she didn't. So when she lost her mind, for the umpteenth time, and told me to get out and not come back, I took her up on her offer."
"Some people call me an a**hole for that decision. But I'm not going to subject myself to 50 years of abuse and misery on behalf of someone who won't do the first thing to take care of themselves."
shaidyn
9 Days
"When I found out he saw me merely as a way to get into the US and as a meal ticket. Called off the wedding 9 days before it was supposed to happen. Best decision I ever made. More than a year later, he contacted me and attempted to blackmail me, not knowing I was by that time working as a defense contractor with a security clearance, which meant I had to report the attempt to the FBI, thus getting him AND his relatives in the US into serious trouble."
FlourChild1026
Alone
"I had a boyfriend while teaching abroad in Korea for a few years. We were planning to get married and he was going to come back to US with me. At the last second he told me he couldn’t do it and I came back alone. He’s great and I love him still but we just want different things for our future."
FredrickTheSeal
"gift for me"
Deadpool Venom GIF by MarvelGiphy"He spent an entire paycheck, MY paycheck, on Pop Figures. As a 'gift for me' when they were all his favorite characters. Took a hard look at how often this type of thing was happening and realized I didn't want to raise an adult baby."
TheTastySpoonicorn
When in Florida
"I caught him in two major lies as his mental health declined. He turned to alcohol and became verbally abusive. I told myself 'the next time it happens I’m out' and it did… at our friends wedding in Florida (I’m from Canada). The wedding party saw the fallout from the fight and a bridesmaid I met an hour earlier told me he cheated at the bachelor party months earlier."
"After seeing his abusive nature she decided that I needed to know the truth. The cherry on top was that the day he cheated was the day I bought my wedding dress. I know I dodged a major bullet but that’s the thing about emotional abuse. It’s insidious. Deep down you know it’s wrong but you also doubt whether you’re being a good partner and abandoning someone in need."
"I’ve moved on and am MUCH MUCH happier. I wake up everyday and am thankful it’s over. I’m almost done my PhD as well, so that’s lovely! Classic 'I went to sleep and this blew up overnight' but thank y’all so much for your kind words and awards. I hope you all have a beautiful day!"
disco_nap_
A Pariah
"I was going to be the black sheep of her very religious family for the rest of my life. I'm imperfect, but no more than most. I just don't believe what their family believed and even though I won her affections and spent years trying to earn trust with everyone; I was always going to be a pariah and it weighed too much on me."
Dangercakes13
Facing Life
"He broke the first engagement. We were very young and he broke it off because his friends didn't like me and convinced him to break up. We got back together a bit later and resumed the engagement like idiots. But with a new ring, cuz that made it better somehow."
"6 months later I broke it off because it dawned on me that if he's willing to dump me because his buddies don't like me, what's marriage or babies going to be like? My mom had told me once that love was rough when the money is tight and they turn the lights off, will you feel strong enough to get through it with them."
"I broke it off for good when I realized there's no way I saw him as my partner I wanted to face life with. When things got hard, he wasn't going to be anything but a child about it and I would be alone. He was engaged and married sometime later and ended up exactly as I thought. They divorced and he was remarried in a year, divorced in another 2 or 3. He was in love with the idea of being married , not actual marriage. Not a crazy drama story but that's it."
I-PUSH-THE-BUTTON
Just a Little
Audrey Whitby Reaction GIF by AwesomenessTVGiphy"He tapped my phone (landline) and put a tracker on my car, and spyware on my laptop. Oh, and cut my brakes. Just a little."
salmonsashimiplease
Dodged...
"I was fresh out of high school and just found out I was pregnant. Getting married seemed like a good next step until he became extremely abusive. Took me a while but I finally got away from him for good. He ended up going to prison for murder a few years later. Dodged a bullet with that one."
Nicoldhearted
Future Bleak
"We got together in our early 20s and engaged a few years later. I called it off when I realized we didn't share a vision for the future, and I wasn't willing to compromise or ask her to. Hurt like hell but I'm so glad I did it - I don't actually think I wanted to be with her forever, it just kind of happened before I knew I could shape my life and be happy There were lots of other reasons we wouldn't have worked, looking back. But that one was enough."
thefirstcoconut
True Colors
"He changed a lot after we were engaged, not pulling his weight financially or around the house. Put an offer on a house without even asking me that was about an hour away from where it made sense for us to live (my job, my family etc), not to mention I had never even seen the home before he made the offer."
"Told me that he didn’t want to have children ever (first time I was hearing of that in 3.5 years) because if we were to divorce he’d have to pay me child support. His true colors came out the last 3 months of our relationship for sure. Definitely dodged a huge bullet with that one!!"
steelergirly7
Oh Hell No
Hell GIF by Steve Harvey TVGiphy"When I met their family. No way in hell was that going to be the rest of my life."
Negative_Increase975
Choose your regret...
"She changed in ways I didn’t like after I proposed. I brought it up on numerous occasions. She mocked me, denied it, and made lame excuses. I have one divorce under my belt already. I can’t go through that again. ETA: I’m eternally grateful this behavior shift happened after the proposal and not the wedding."'"
soggywaffle69
"OP, I’m guessing you’re asking because this is relevant in you’re life. No one here can help you figure it out, but there is a saying I like: 'Choose your regret.'"
soggywaffle69
Sometimes when it's over... it's over.
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