The "are they or aren't they" speculation over Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie's sexual orientation has been raging for years. But if there's any doubt left in anyone's minds over the nature of their relationship, it's likely to be put to rest now.
According to their Twitter bios—or the subtext thereof, anyway—the two are presently embroiled in a feud that can only be construed as a lovers' quarrel.
The bios seem innocent enough at first blush, but if you read between the lines, things are anything but blissful in the apartment at 123 Sesame Street.
In Ernie's new bio, he describes himself with devastating and downright heartbreaking simplicity:
"Friend of @BertSesame."
But it's Bert's bio that really cuts like a knife for anyone who's been rooting for these two lovebirds since their debut in 1969. Bert doesn't even bother with the niceties.
His bio reads:
"Roommate of @SesameErnie."
Absolutely brutal in its brevity and stolidity.
When gay men begin referring to each other as "friends" or "roommates," you know there's trouble in paradise. And we don't want to take sides, but this kind of cold detachment is the last thing we ever expected from Bert.
Sure, Ernie's a bit of a pain in the neck from time to time—naive and flighty and downright infuriating with his weird nocturnal habits like counting things and playing his saxophone. (Typical Gemini.)
Being his long-term companion couldn't have been easy.
But "roommate"‽‽ That's just downright spiteful. You'd hope that a couple that's been together for fifty-one years could at least part ways amicably.
Which raises the question—what on Earth happened behind the closed doors of 123 Sesame Street‽‽ Given Bert's iciness, it had to have been something catastrophic.
This is no simple "growing apart" or "wanting other things" break-up. There's only one plausible explanation—someone cheated, and if there was a line on this in Vegas we'd guess it was Ernie hooking up with Skeeter from The Muppets that caused this rupture.
You hate to see it. You really, really do.
Unsurprisingly, the bios drew plenty of attention and speculation on Twitter.
And there was no shortage of theories about what might have cost this most upsetting of celebrity splits.
Here's hoping these two can find a way back to each other. If Bert and Ernie can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?
